For a few weeks now I have been going back and worth with myself trying to figure out if I could still justify paying for Weight Watchers when I haven’t really gotten the results that I wanted. I can honestly say that the expectations I had a year ago about my weight loss are completely different along with the myriad of health problems I’ve has made this journey frustrating beyond belief. Needless to say I decided to stay on the program a little longer, and to rededicate myself.
During the summer I went to both my General Practioner and Dietician to see what if anything I could do about my weight loss, I was (and still am sick and tired of this plateau…. I have literally been there since I joined, and I got unexpected answers..it’s okay to be in a plateau, that’s what bodies do, and after losing 78 pounds, it’s very possible that I won’t lose a substantial amount of weight, that teamed with the fact that I am now on Prednisone for the foreseeable future, a plateau is a very good place to be. It’s been difficult for me come to terms (yet again) that my autoimmune illness is active and things are happening to my body beyond control that will affect my weight. I was also subtly reminded that after two liver transplant and years of immunosuppression drugs, my body simply will not react the way it’s “expected”. there were weeks when I got in a funk and decided, “I’m on this medication, I might as well enjoy the weight again” and I binged and it showed on the scale, then I would get back into the groove then I would get back in a funk…..
While all of this was going on, I remained active but the wright wasn’t coming off . I participated in several Weight Watchers sponsored 5K’s (I have a few more scheduled before the weather turns cold) and the weight still wasn’t coming off…. I had a mini epiphany, I can’t eat everything in fridge and workout, there has to be a balance…… I get it now, I’m working on balance. But the “middle” is someplace where I’m not comfortable being in, all my life I’ve had to work in extremes, and because of that I perform better, I’m learning all these new things about myself when I (along with the rest of my group gets the news that our leader is leaving; she’s off on another adventure, and this time she’s heading to Spain to teach English, I never want to begrudge a person’s growth and happiness, but a part of me, a huge part of me wanted her to stay. After that meeting was over I went to my car and cried, I felt like I wasn’t about to do this anymore, she (and the group) had become my weekly counseling session… what on Earth was I gonna do now? That following week we all said our goodbyes and we met our new leader; and like bratty children we saw our new “step mother” as an interloper; she would never compare to our mom, and we instantly didn’t like her. Weeks have passed since we got a new leader, and it’s been bumpy; and once again I had another epiphany. Leslie was not the reason I would come to those meetings, she gave wonderful advice and lead us, but I was the one that had to put in the work; and the support that I need was in that meeting room, so for the first time I took advantage….no matter where we are in our journey the nice thing is I can say “I’m struggling” or “I’m frustrated” and they understand and the don’t judge…. I decided since it was time to make a change maybe this new leader wouldn’t be so bad, she certainly wasn’t the leader that I wanted….. but maybe she’s the leader that I needed.
So this week was interesting to say the least last Friday I broke out in hives (yes I realize this is not Weight Watchers related) I was panicked, 1. No like hives, 2 This is the third allergic reaction that I’ve had since June and 3. I had a surgical procedure scheduled on Monday and I wanted to know if this was going to affect it. Went to quick care (after calling and not hearing back from 2 doctors my fear was that I was allergic to the Lovenox that was prescribed, I was told that was not it) medicine was prescribed and I thought all was well until I woke up the next morning with bruising all over my body, Needless to say tat surgery didn’t happen, and since Monday I’ve seen 4 doctors, increased my Prednisone by 100% (YIKES!!). So after 3 doctors went back and forth with each other my Lovenox was decreased (when I was off it for 2 days I went fine, no itching) took a dose , house later the itching started again and more bruising ….I have bruises on about 80% of my body..another doctors appointment then it was finally occurred to my doctor (cause I had been saying it all along) that I was in fact allergic to Lovenox.
Seriously, I itchy I’m bruised and any other time I would wallow in my antihistamine haze and eat. But not this time, that Prednisone increase scare the hell out of me, I know what Prednisone does to my body and for the first time in a long time I was scared that if I slide back, I wouldn’t be able to make it to this point, it wasn’t even a conscious choice, it just happed organically, I kicked up my workouts, started tracking …. honestly (yes even those things that I eat in the middle of the night) and I reached out to come of those connections I had made weeks earlier. my Weight Watchers has a Facebook page, and they have off shoot (Friends of Weight Watchers), especially for members were we can talk about what’s happening to us during the week, just a little added support…and just by chance someone posted something about a Challenge (I love a challenge) and Last Women Stepping ; 10,000 Steps every single day….at the same time I finally decided to be active with Girl Trek (where I have scheduled walking dates on Tuesdays, 1 and 3 Saturday and Yoga on Sundays), so I was able to be around like minded people, get outside (before the weather gets colder) and get some activity in…. So far I’m doing great with the challenge, I have hit my goal every day, Twice a week I’m walking with my cousin Michelle (who has just started her own weight loss journey) and going to the gym, I can usually hit my goal by noon; I have to be honest it feels amazing, even when I was itchy I was going to the gym, I actually went to the gym before I went to Quick Care (crazy, I know I was so miserable at the gym….I also didn’t know that activity causes histamine to rise, so I was itching more at the gym…… now I know….). So this getting up in the morning and working out has somewhat suppressed my appetite… I don’t get it, I won’t question it……so it will be interesting to see what the scale shows this week (the last two weeks have shown small losses of 0.8 pounds and 1 pound) I’ve also gone ahead and signed up for the Englewood 5K. I’m excited….So far this week (Monday – Friday) I’ve earned over 54 activity points, stayed in my point range and will have lots of leftover weekly points by the end of the day.
There was nothing in our meeting room about changes coming soon, but after I got my new weigh-in book I realized something was different, while looking through it I realized that our leader had been “prepping” us weeks in advance, before we would officially start she would ask us about something that we did, for ourselves this week; that was completely separate from our weight loss, She always expressed how important it was to have “me time” How finding enjoyable things outside of your weight loss can tide you over on those weeks where you might not have success, in short…. Non Scale Victories and Celebrations…. when she first started talking about this I wasn’t ready to hear it, honestly I hadn’t fully accepted her into the fold so naturally I was blocking the information.
But I like the new changes, I like the small goals every 4 weeks and how focusing on you as a whole is now incorporated into your weight loss journey… like a lot of things recently this came at the right time. Things are not where I hoped they would be a year after I started Weight Watchers, but Weight loss humbles you, and you have to learn to be compassionate with YOURSELF….. I’m working on that…..
If you want to check out my journey so far: Week 1, Week 2, Week 3, Week 4, Week 5, Week 6, Week 7,Week 8, Week 9, Week 10, Week 11, Week 12, Week 13, Week 14, Week 15, Week 16, Week 17-20,Week 21, Week 22-23, Week 24, 25, 26, Week 27, Week 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 1 Year and a Restart Later
See Ya Next Week,