Finite Creatures

Writing

Writing Prompts:  At what age did you realize you were not immortal? How did you react to that discovery?

This is (unfortunately ) an easy one for me, the day that I realized that I was immortal was the day that I was told that I was gonna need a liver transplant, I was 20 years old. I feel fortunate that I had an awesome medical team who swooped in and took care of me and diagnosed me , but at the time I’m angry at myself for not realizing how sick I was, I pretty much went through my entire senor year of high school is a daze, and I thought that it was normal. I remember when I was diagnosed with autoimmune hepatitis, I was so incredibly angry, because I never drank, I never smoked, I never did any drugs, but I was already in end stage liver failure.

Realizing that I was sick brought two important things into focus, 1. Life fuckin’ sucks sometimes, and 2 Anyone’s life can be cut short in a second…. but dealing with that situation as well as my second transplant, then a cancer diagnosis made me understand that although life sucks, and any many I could drop dead… I will continue to fight until my very last breath.

Until Next Time,

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward – All Rights Reserved

Ready, Set, Done

Writing

Writing Prompt: Today, write about anything — but you must write for exactly ten minutes, no more, no less. (I have set my cell phone to go off in ten minutes…. so here)

Starting Over Again, and Again, and Again……

I always say everyday is  a good day to start over, and I know that’s something that sounds like a therapist would say to you to keep you positive, but what happens when it seems like you entire life is a cycle of starting over and getting knocked down? I feel like my life has been in that cycle since I was 18 years old. Every time I feel like I get to a good place in my life I get dealt with a blow (always something to do with my health) and I get knocked down on my ass.

STARTING OVER

THE FIRST TIME: The hardest part of recovering from my liver transplants was difficult, the physical took a lot of time, but the mental took what seems like forever, most people don’t know this but I suffered from Agoraphobia (I spent months on the inside, outside of doctor appointments) because it terrified me that something was gonna happen to me, I don’t know what it was but eventually it went away and I started back living , “a normal life” despite the countless bouts of rejection…. it was a new normal and the fact that I was living and breathing was good enough for me, years passed and I finally felt like I had my footing and moved away from home and everything that I knew to start a new chapter of my life. But once again my health deemed that it was time to start over yet again….

THE SECOND TIME: I had a transplant and ( months leading up to it ) I felt like I loss everything, my job, my apartment, my car,,,, my belonging… everything was left behind when I had to move back to the Midwest to receive emergency treatment, and to be honest I never felt like I got back to normal after that… so once again a new normal was created…. and yet again I moved away, a set out to start anew…..

THE THRID TIME: With a little time, I became a little self assured and learned a lot about myself, made plans about what I was going to do with my life. My life was no longer a concern, because all was well on the health front. I was getting healthy and losing weight, becoming more active and training for my very first 5K when once again my health took a nose dive and reminded me how fragile I really am… this time a extremely large blood clot underneath my heart… and while a team of doctors were trying to figure out how to treat me I gained 100 pounds of fluid all over my body.  While dealing with this I was dealt another blow with a Multiple Myeloma diagnosis…. A year later my Myeloma status is stable, and the blood clot is gone and all the weight I gained is gone as well, but now I’m faced with building my health and strength back.. I’ve started blogging and enjoying the little things in my life. But now I am plagued with the idea of starting over yet again. I’m not in the city that I want to live in, and I would like to pursue my writing…. but the idea of starting over only leaves me with fear, and

 

Until Next Time….

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

Adult Visions

 

Writing

Writing Prompt: As a kid, you must have imagined what it was like to be an adult. Now that you’re a grownup (or becoming one), how far off was your idea of adult life?

My adulthood sucks compared to the visions of adulthood I had as a child. When I was a kid I was in such a rush to grow up, I couldn’t wait to be 16 because I knew something magical would happen… then I couldn’t wait to be 18, because I would finally be an adult, once I turned 18, I know that 21 was gonna be it I was gonna be a full fledged card carrying adult. When I was a child I used to sit down and write what my future would hold. I was gonna be a secretary or a school teacher, married by 25 and have my first child my 29 I would be living the American dream and totally living the life by the time I was 35. That was my dream life, let me tell you how my actual life turned out. I can barely remember my 16th birthday. My 18th birthday I spent celebrating not only my birthday but my high school graduation and my younger brothers entrance to middle school. When I turned 21 I was having my first liver transplant, my full fledge entrance to adult food was filled with anti-rejection mediation and 6 month case of CMV that required my to have low chemotherapy treatment twice a day.

Never in my imagination did I think that my adulthood would turn out like this, for years I looked back on that list and thought about the life that could have been. And there were times when I tried to “course correct” but it never turned out right. When I was temporarily “back to normal” I chose my education over starting a family (as most of my friends did). And at 37 I’m not married, I never had those children, the life that I wished for is now plagued with post-transplant rituals and careful watching of Multiple Myeloma. My life is certainly not one that anyone would trade me for, but I am happy for the journey that I’ve taken, it’s made me incredibly strong and resilient. I appreciate every single day…. because I don’t know how long I will have. My story might be similar to many others in the fact that what I dreamed never turned into reality; but that’s okay; despite my challenges I have a pretty great life… one things for certain if I had a chance to go back and take to my 16 year old self. I would tell her to slow down, and enjoy being a child, because adulthood isn’t what it’s cracked up to be

Until Next Time….

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

Friend Makin’ Monday : Let’s Get Sporty

Mountains and Molehills…. I gotta say things have been on a even keel lately (knock on wood) but I will say that this week my molehill will be that I am going back to the gym today… ugh, I’m sorry I don’t care who you are, but I don’t get it when people say, “Oh I love going to the gym”… please! I go because I have to go…My mountain is I’m going to get a second opinion regarding my multiple myeloma diagnosis….August will make a year that I got my diagnosis, and I’m not super happy with the way mu current doctor is dealing with it, so I’m going to see one of the leading Multiple Myeloma specialists in the world… and lucky for me he’s like 10 minutes away (literally right around the corner from my mom)….

If you’ve taken part in FMM before then you are familiar with the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to read and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

 

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Let’s Get Sporty

Before I begin let me quickly say that I read Sarah’s responses…. so no mine would be that great…

1. Are you following the World Cup? If so which team are cheering on?

I am not following the World Cup… I could very well be the only person in the world who is not following it at the moment…

2. What is your favorite sport to watch either on TV or in person?

I enjoy all sports in person, I think that it has to do with the fans and the atmosphere, when I watch sports on TV all that gets lost in translation and it’s not as funny… the only sport that I REALLY enjoy watching on TV is swimming!

3. Which local team (regardless of sport) do you support?

Although I live in (Chicago) Bear Country I am a die-hard Packers Fan

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4. What is your favorite sport to play?

Bocce ball… that game will have be cursing people out…. I love it!  Just wait until I’m 80…. I’m gonna be a hoot

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5. Were you ever in a sports team?

Good Lord no! My gym teacher once had a meeting with my mother because he felt like I was so uncoordinated… truth be told I can move, I just hated sweating and I was not trying to sweat and be out of breathe at school.

6. Have you ever traveled a long distance to see your team play?

I’m not sure if it counts, but I was visiting my boyfriend (at the time) when he lived in Detroit. I was totally in love with Grant Hill and that particular game they were playing the Milwaukee Bucks (which is my hometown team)… good times!

7. Do you have a favorite stadium/sports venue you have been to?

I have a lot of good memories of the Bradley Center, Milwaukee Bucks Games… Nsync, Backstreet Boys, Janet Jackson…. so many concerts…. good times!

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8. What is your favorite food you associate with sporting events?

Baseball and Peanuts….. heck it’s even in the song… Rest in Peace Harry Caray

 

9. Do you have a favorite sporting song?

Most people would say Queen’s “We Will Rock You” but honestly the song that gets me on my feet every single time is House of Pain’s “Jump Around”

10. Is there a sporting event you would like to go to in another country?

Does the Rio Olympics Count? I would  LOVE to go!

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Well I guess that’s it for this week……As my friends in  Armenia would say,

Մինչեւ հաջորդ անգամ

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

How deciding a Life of Yes turned into a Challenge #2

Or as I  prefer to call it, ”How living a life of yes is turning into a great big mess”

Here is part one

It has been a while since I wrote a blog entry that was entirely devoted to my weight loss and my fitness regime, but if you read the previous post you know that was partly due to several health issues that I am currently contenting with, to the point where I feel like it’s almost derailed my weight-loss journey.

My main concern is still losing weight at a healthy an sensible pace that doesn’t effect my transplanted liver or something that will negatively affect my bone especially as they are weakening due to my multiple myeloma. Being on various medications always makes weight loss a little but  more difficult than the average healthy person. I started a C25K program but had to stop due to the severe fatigue and “surprise” kidney stones. The goal is to get back in the saddle, but I have to take a long, honest look at what I am currently capable of doing and create a workout plan around that. The ultimate goal start running and to start participating in runs/ 5k’s/10k’s.

The Dirty Girl 5k is this June. One of the blogs that I follow mentioned that she participates in Jost virtual race; and you know me I always want to try something new. They have 5k and 10k’s for $25 and Half and Whole Marathons are $35. Included in the price is a medal and a racing bib. I love the fact that I’ll be able to run white helping a different cause/charity every single month.

I have gained weight, which I knew was going to happen. As explained here , as I didn’t lose weight in the healthiest weight (even my doctor told me that I would gained weight as I started eating food again)  And I will admit I’m not happy with the fact that I gained weight, but I am still under 200 pounds so that makes me happy.

Who ever said that going to the gym was going to be easy is a liar! Even after a year I still dread going ; it still remains a struggle. In the past my gym regime was 2 hours (1 hour of cardio, 30 minutes of weights and another final 30 minutes of cardio) 5 days a week.  Although I have noticed a change in my body, my muscles are stronger but my problem at the moment seems to be food; sweets in particular. I make a conscious effort to make good food choices, but I have to be honest and say that cookies, brownies, pretty much any baked good under the sun. It remains a struggle; especially during my menstrual cycle (as it seems like my stomach is a bottomless pit willing to consume anything)

I continue to be amazed a t how far I have some in my journey and at the same time I’m amazed how how difficult  my journey remains. Two years ago I took a chance and said yes. Yes to join a rag-tag group of people who  wanted to lose weight. Yes, to talking care of myself and to devote a small time everyday to myself; this included exercise or spending quality times on myself  and making myself healthy. Despite this journey being difficult I have never once regretted that decision. I am so much happier and healthier that I was 2 years ago.

As my health continues to worsen and the multiple myeloma begins to progress the reason to stay fit takes on a different facet. I don’t know what type of treatment that I will be taking or how this cancer will affect my body, but for now more than ever I want to successfully battle this cancer and if going to the gym everyday and jogging and sweating like a pig will make me a little bit healthier  then damn it I’m going to do it.

I’m excited to do my virtual run next month. I haven’t decided if I’m going to do the 5k or the 10k. Have any of my dear followers ever participated in a virtual race? Did you enjoy your experience? What’s your story? Tell me in the comments?