Tyra Vs. Dating : This is Scary As F*@k

Writing

 

Let’s be honest this dating thing is hard, we’ll hard for me. I’m not one of those people that can walk up to some and say, “hi, you’re very attractive, would you like to go out sometimes”…. I’m the awkward turtle that’s sitting in a protective bubble with her friends stealing glances at the attractive guy already knowing he’s got a girl friend, and a side chick. So let’s suppose attractive guy walks up to me…I’m assuming  “I’m in his way” or he needs directions to the bathroom.
Imagine this, I your infrequent blogger did two things, signed up for a “single and ready to mingle” group on Facebook, talked to some people, got a teeny bit of confidence and created an online dating profile. So after speaking to several people I narrowed it down to Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagel . I stressed about the profile them tried to find the best picture of myself. Only to find out they ask you a series of questions and you answer them, and they curate the last 5 profile pics off of Facebook, so I guess that males it less likely to get “catfished”. I specified my age range, distance, and race and left it to God; I figured at this point I would be luck to get even 1 hit after a few months. I had already decided that I would deal with this humiliation for 3 months, I would delete the app and I would never speak of this incident again….So imagine my shock and by shock I mean I nearly pissed myself when I had 6 seemingly normal men interested in me. I seriously thought I was being punked….there is no way these men are real.

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So because of the nature of the app men so interest then I make the final decision.

So whho are the bachelors?

 

So after the first 6 I picked one person, let’s call him Bachelor D. Bachelor D (white male) is a teacher, who likes festivals, exploring the city and plays upright bass. Out of the send six I picked Bachelor Y (black male ) Has lived in 4 courtiers, works in pharmaceuticals, is a bit of an introvert , and loves museums. And finally we have Bachelor B (white male) who’s a bit shy, but lives life to the fullest, but avid sports fan. So then the chatting began. Like the first time talking to someone it’s sort of weird and awkward and your not sure what to do;  so naturally I go with the standard, “Hi, how are you”…. they reply and it’s awkward again… back and forth we go for a week then the app tells me , your chatting time is up, would you like to extend your time, but here’s the kicker….you both have to agree, I sort of felt obligated to keep taking to Bachelor D even though there wasn’t a spark considering he looked great on paper, so I pressed the continue button for him and for Bachelor Y who seemed invested in the conversation. So I picked yes for both.

Bachelor D…was like no thanks….and I was pleasantly surprised that Bachelor Y said yes….I was shocked….so what do I do?  I still can’t believe it…. I asked Bachelor Y, “Do you think you would be interested in meting for coffee?” And naturally I freaked out again and refused to open my app for two days. I’m freaking out because I just asked some man I do not know out on a date (I think) What if he says no? Hell, what if he says yes? I haven’t dated in like 5 years…out of practice doesn’t even describe my current situation. How does one coffee date? What the hell would I say? Jesus now what?

After a few days I reopen the app and I see Bachelor B, he seems quirky and awkward….maybe we can be awkward together and not say much. This dude loves sports. One if the first question s he asked was, “what sports are you into”  I explained that I prefer to watch in person, I get bored watching sports on TV. But the ones I like to watch on TV are swimming, tennis and figure skating”…. Bachelor B wad yet to respond.

So after going back and forth with Bachelor Y, we will be meeting for coffee sometime next week.
Most of the people I know are in a relationship, so I only see couples together. none of them have ever said how scary dating if. In the past I have always been the passive person, the one who got asked out. And that worked our really well for me, when I put dating on my list of long term goals honestly I was thinking about 6 months to a year from now. And the idea of dating is exciting but it’s scary.

I’ve been saying for a long time that I’m not dating because  not ready, but I was rudely reminded by my mother that I’m never gonna be ready if I don’t get out there… another (and this is a big one for me; I’ve even told my therapist this who’s challenged me about this theory) I don’t feel like I have anything worthwhile to offer someone at this point, I would like to wait until I do. I’ve shared this with my mom who flat out told I wad being selfish (ouch, thanks a lot mom) and my step dad (who was a lot kinder) and told me just because I don’t think it’s worthwhile doesn’t mean my future partner wont.

So I’m keeping that in mind as I approach my coffee date. If it doesn’t work out that’s fine. I’ve meet an interesting person and if it does, then I’ve meet an interesting man who I get to go on another date with.

Shit, now I need to figure out what to wear….geez, this is never ending.

 

Until Next Time,

tyra2_thumb2

 

Copyright © 2016– Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved
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Complicated

Writing

 

 

Writing Prompt: Write a new post in response to today’s one-word prompt – Complicated

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My relationships are complicated with a lot of people. We don’t talk for a long time and we become the dreaded “Facebook friends” who only say “Happy Birthday” once a year. And at first I was said and hurt, I started to wonder was it something that I had done? Did I say something wrong, did I unintentionally hurt them? And as time went on, those questions went un answered  and time moved on and we drifted  apart. Ill be honest with you maintaining friendships have always been difficult. We change, we have different experiences, we mature and as these things happen to my friends I feel like none of those things are happening to me, I stay the same, and they grow. They aren’t the same people they once were, they are successful in their jobs, getting married, having children, buying homes, and I’m still where I was 4 years ago… What on earth would we talk about? What can I lend to this friendship that (in my eyes) is no longer equal.

What complicates it is honestly jealously, I’ve always had a timeline for my life, when I would get married, when I would have kids, when I would do this and that. What I didn’t plan on was becoming a living breathing medical encyclopedia, or being disabled, or not being about to work…no plans for that… and as one illness became two, then became 10. The plan that I had for my life withered away. And I became the sick friend that really had nothing to contribute to the conversation but the latest procedure I had, or talk about the side effects of a new medicine I was taking, I became the friend that had to cancel plans at the last minute because I wasn’t feeling well. And my relationships became more complicated, instead of a friend I began to feel like a burden, so I stop calling, I stop texting, I purposely became a Facebook friend learning about their lives through a computer screen, and after a while they stop reaching out… they stop wanting to know about my life… honestly I guess the same is true, if they were curious they could learn about me from Facebook.

I have tried to reach out to some people and repair the relationship, but I think for the most part most of those have gone from “Complicated” to “Non Existent” I didn’t plan on an instant friendship, and naturally thinking the worst I was positive that the situation was going to stay the same. I guess this is a lesson for me to learn, it was never about them, it was always about me and my feelings of inadequacy. Hopefully this is something I can work on, and hopefully I can have solid friendship that won’t fall under the category of “It’s Complicated”

 

Until Next Time,

tyra2_thumb2

Copyright © 2016– Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

Admiration

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Photo Challenge::  Show us someone or something you admire (and tell us about them, too)

 

 

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Strangely enough I was struggling about what to write about.. then my cat jumped in my face….. and demanded I give her attention.. so this weeks challenge is all about Tsuki and Hyde Park Cats.

It’s clear that I am a certified cat lady who loves my cat, hell she’s is even in the header of my blog AND SHE even has her own section of the blog (that has been woefully neglected). And her story doesn’t begin with Hyde Park cat.. that part I will never know, but her path to her forever home begins with a woman named Lupe who stopped when she saw a pregnant stray cat on the side of the road, another woman named who became her fosterer and Leslie who gave her a stable and caring environment until she found her human, and to the many unnamed volunteers who donated food and care will Tsuki was with HPC.

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Founded in 2008,They are a confederation of volunteers working to improve the lives of feral, stray, and needy cats and kittens in and around Chicago’s Hyde Park neighborhood. We received our 501©(3) non-profit organization status in 2014, and have had over 600 adoptions since our founding.

I frequently see a message in Facebook asking for help either transporting cats to the veterinarian, is there anyone in a certain area who recognizes a lost cat, and unfortunately a suspected stray or in and injured cat in need of immediate attention… Volunteers jump to the cause, no matter the time or the weather.

 

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I think the corps of volunteers does amazing work, and I truly admire them, that’s why I’m so happy to be apart of a great organization.

 

Check out their Facebook, Instagram and Website, for more information and volunteer opportunities

 

 

Until Next Time,

tyra2_thumb2_thumb

Copyright © 2016– Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

Misplaced

Writing

 

Writing Prompt: Write a new post in response to today’s one-word prompt. – Misplaced

 

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Lately I’ve noticed that I have a lot of misplaced anger . I know that it comes from having a low tolerance with people and pretty much all situations because I don’t feel well and I’m in pain, and I’m frustrated with my body and my overall situation.

For example Q  (let’s just call them that….) wrote on Facebook about how they had made their walking goal (Fucking fantastic for you!! See there I go again…) Honestly it’s great that YOU set a goal and where able to make it. I’m happy for 0. So why am I annoyed? why is it that when I saw it on Facebook I got seriously pissed and instantly wanted to unfriend you? Was it Prednisone rage? Maybe. Jealousy? Maybe. Misplaced Anger? For sure!

Here is a classic case of it’s not YOU it’s ME. I’m not mad at Q, not in the very least. That post, her victory, was a small, but annoying (and on that day slightly painful) reminder that I couldn’t do it because I was having a bad week (which seems to be happening more frequently ) and I couldn’t do the things that I wanted to.

I was never mad at Q. I was mad at myself . And we all know that’s it easier to be mad at someone else isn’t being mad at yourself. It sucks, but it’s true.

 

Until Next Time,

tyra2_thumb2_thumb

 

Copyright © 2016– Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

Divide

Writing

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Writing Prompt:Write a new post in response to today’s one-word prompt. Not sure how to participate?

 

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Recently I have been thinking about my friendships with people pretty much taking a life inventory… I try to do that a every year. I have really been harping on some friendships that have ended, and trying to figure out why and how they because the way they did. And for the first time I have  taken blame in my part for the demise of those friendships.

I have always felt like people come into your life for a reason, and sometimes when they leave if that “reason” is over or resolved. But Facebook can be a bitch sometimes…. because those people who are no longer my Friends and still Facebook “friends”

I look back now and realize that if we were to every cross paths again we could never be friends, not because I’m being bitchy, or because I’m holding on to a grudge, but time has passed and I’ve grown up, I’ve grown more aware of what I need in my life, and the holes that were left when our friendship was broken is not filled with something else; maybe something better, something more beneficial, something more lasting and substantial.. I will cherish those times and those friendships…. and I now longer see a divide now…. I just see memories… and that’s okay.

And about those Facebook “friends” I haven’t unfriended them yet… but I have unfollowed them.

Until Next Time,

tyra signature

Copyright © 2016– Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved