Ready, Set, Done

Writing

Writing Prompt: Today, write about anything — but you must write for exactly ten minutes, no more, no less. (I have set my cell phone to go off in ten minutes…. so here)

Starting Over Again, and Again, and Again……

I always say everyday is  a good day to start over, and I know that’s something that sounds like a therapist would say to you to keep you positive, but what happens when it seems like you entire life is a cycle of starting over and getting knocked down? I feel like my life has been in that cycle since I was 18 years old. Every time I feel like I get to a good place in my life I get dealt with a blow (always something to do with my health) and I get knocked down on my ass.

STARTING OVER

THE FIRST TIME: The hardest part of recovering from my liver transplants was difficult, the physical took a lot of time, but the mental took what seems like forever, most people don’t know this but I suffered from Agoraphobia (I spent months on the inside, outside of doctor appointments) because it terrified me that something was gonna happen to me, I don’t know what it was but eventually it went away and I started back living , “a normal life” despite the countless bouts of rejection…. it was a new normal and the fact that I was living and breathing was good enough for me, years passed and I finally felt like I had my footing and moved away from home and everything that I knew to start a new chapter of my life. But once again my health deemed that it was time to start over yet again….

THE SECOND TIME: I had a transplant and ( months leading up to it ) I felt like I loss everything, my job, my apartment, my car,,,, my belonging… everything was left behind when I had to move back to the Midwest to receive emergency treatment, and to be honest I never felt like I got back to normal after that… so once again a new normal was created…. and yet again I moved away, a set out to start anew…..

THE THRID TIME: With a little time, I became a little self assured and learned a lot about myself, made plans about what I was going to do with my life. My life was no longer a concern, because all was well on the health front. I was getting healthy and losing weight, becoming more active and training for my very first 5K when once again my health took a nose dive and reminded me how fragile I really am… this time a extremely large blood clot underneath my heart… and while a team of doctors were trying to figure out how to treat me I gained 100 pounds of fluid all over my body.  While dealing with this I was dealt another blow with a Multiple Myeloma diagnosis…. A year later my Myeloma status is stable, and the blood clot is gone and all the weight I gained is gone as well, but now I’m faced with building my health and strength back.. I’ve started blogging and enjoying the little things in my life. But now I am plagued with the idea of starting over yet again. I’m not in the city that I want to live in, and I would like to pursue my writing…. but the idea of starting over only leaves me with fear, and

 

Until Next Time….

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