Let’s be honest this dating thing is hard, we’ll hard for me. I’m not one of those people that can walk up to some and say, “hi, you’re very attractive, would you like to go out sometimes”…. I’m the awkward turtle that’s sitting in a protective bubble with her friends stealing glances at the attractive guy already knowing he’s got a girl friend, and a side chick. So let’s suppose attractive guy walks up to me…I’m assuming “I’m in his way” or he needs directions to the bathroom.
Imagine this, I your infrequent blogger did two things, signed up for a “single and ready to mingle” group on Facebook, talked to some people, got a teeny bit of confidence and created an online dating profile. So after speaking to several people I narrowed it down to Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagel . I stressed about the profile them tried to find the best picture of myself. Only to find out they ask you a series of questions and you answer them, and they curate the last 5 profile pics off of Facebook, so I guess that males it less likely to get “catfished”. I specified my age range, distance, and race and left it to God; I figured at this point I would be luck to get even 1 hit after a few months. I had already decided that I would deal with this humiliation for 3 months, I would delete the app and I would never speak of this incident again….So imagine my shock and by shock I mean I nearly pissed myself when I had 6 seemingly normal men interested in me. I seriously thought I was being punked….there is no way these men are real.
So whho are the bachelors?
So after the first 6 I picked one person, let’s call him Bachelor D. Bachelor D (white male) is a teacher, who likes festivals, exploring the city and plays upright bass. Out of the send six I picked Bachelor Y (black male ) Has lived in 4 courtiers, works in pharmaceuticals, is a bit of an introvert , and loves museums. And finally we have Bachelor B (white male) who’s a bit shy, but lives life to the fullest, but avid sports fan. So then the chatting began. Like the first time talking to someone it’s sort of weird and awkward and your not sure what to do; so naturally I go with the standard, “Hi, how are you”…. they reply and it’s awkward again… back and forth we go for a week then the app tells me , your chatting time is up, would you like to extend your time, but here’s the kicker….you both have to agree, I sort of felt obligated to keep taking to Bachelor D even though there wasn’t a spark considering he looked great on paper, so I pressed the continue button for him and for Bachelor Y who seemed invested in the conversation. So I picked yes for both.
Bachelor D…was like no thanks….and I was pleasantly surprised that Bachelor Y said yes….I was shocked….so what do I do? I still can’t believe it…. I asked Bachelor Y, “Do you think you would be interested in meting for coffee?” And naturally I freaked out again and refused to open my app for two days. I’m freaking out because I just asked some man I do not know out on a date (I think) What if he says no? Hell, what if he says yes? I haven’t dated in like 5 years…out of practice doesn’t even describe my current situation. How does one coffee date? What the hell would I say? Jesus now what?
After a few days I reopen the app and I see Bachelor B, he seems quirky and awkward….maybe we can be awkward together and not say much. This dude loves sports. One if the first question s he asked was, “what sports are you into” I explained that I prefer to watch in person, I get bored watching sports on TV. But the ones I like to watch on TV are swimming, tennis and figure skating”…. Bachelor B wad yet to respond.
So after going back and forth with Bachelor Y, we will be meeting for coffee sometime next week.
Most of the people I know are in a relationship, so I only see couples together. none of them have ever said how scary dating if. In the past I have always been the passive person, the one who got asked out. And that worked our really well for me, when I put dating on my list of long term goals honestly I was thinking about 6 months to a year from now. And the idea of dating is exciting but it’s scary.
I’ve been saying for a long time that I’m not dating because not ready, but I was rudely reminded by my mother that I’m never gonna be ready if I don’t get out there… another (and this is a big one for me; I’ve even told my therapist this who’s challenged me about this theory) I don’t feel like I have anything worthwhile to offer someone at this point, I would like to wait until I do. I’ve shared this with my mom who flat out told I wad being selfish (ouch, thanks a lot mom) and my step dad (who was a lot kinder) and told me just because I don’t think it’s worthwhile doesn’t mean my future partner wont.
So I’m keeping that in mind as I approach my coffee date. If it doesn’t work out that’s fine. I’ve meet an interesting person and if it does, then I’ve meet an interesting man who I get to go on another date with.
Shit, now I need to figure out what to wear….geez, this is never ending.
Until Next Time,