Emotional Fat

I’ve had so many people ask me, “do you feel smaller?” And every time I tell them the same thing… nope ! , but then again when I was heavier I didn’t feel bigger either. But what I see when I look down and what I see in a mirror are not the same thing . When I take a picture and people say, “wow, you’re so skinny” I always tell them that it’s an illusion, the camera makes me skinnier (or I have awesome posing skills)

I know this is emotional… so now I’m coming to terms with and learning how to lose my emotional fat.

I don’t know who this woman is… but I swear I’m gonna find her (not in a creepy stalker way)…I just want to say thank you for posting her journey were I could find it..

I have always said that weight loss has been the cheapest, yet the most devastatingly cathartic experience therapy I could get. And for weeks now I been saying that I have worked through my issues but the truth is like my weight loss goal I’m only half way there.

5 Things that tuned me in that I was STILL emotionally overweight

  1. Wearing and buying clothes that are two big. Just recently I purchased a 2X shirt thinking it would fit…until I was a badgered into taking it back and exchanging it for a L. 
  2. Comparing this weight loss journey with my past… when clearly the last time didn’t work that well..(I gained it all back…and then some)
  3. Comparing my weight loss journey with others….not gonna lie, I’ve been super jealous of people pulling in double digits at weekly weigh-in and the most I loss is 2 or 3 pounds.
  4. Not celebrating my achievement… it’s a big deal for me that I’m losing weight…I should really stop telling people that it’s not
  5. Not  being 100% honest with myself
So technically this was not supposed to be blog entry… just think of it as an epiphany that I wrote down to share.

Until next time

Up, Down….Half way to Onederland

Maybe I should say more than half way…
a collage of me
This morning I notice that I am more than half way through my weight loss journey. My goal has always been to lose 100 pounds… although my mother thinks that way too much, she can actually thinks I should lose 10 more pounds and be done…psst not gonna happen.
When I first starting losing weight I only wanted to look better in my clothes… and I wanted my stomach to not be so fat and I so happy to say that I’ve accomplished both of those goals
My next goal is Toning…. I need to get rid of the flab.. I swear when I lay down I feel it just plop on me..so that is defiantly the next to go along with the weight.
Do I have a goal weight… not really (despite to goal of 100 pounds) but I for sure want to out of the two’s.
 My “Ditch the Bitch” vacation is over. This week the Blue Team weighed in after a six week vacation. This was our last official weekly weigh in.. and I couldn’t be happier about it. In the past I have been so focused on the scale and not the overall transformation,
So starting next week we begin out monthly weigh in…which I personally feel is better indicator of weight loss than the weekly, and I think it will change the atmosphere of the team.

This week I have been plagued with challenges; the extreme heat, my reoccurring insomnia, numerous doctors appointments and an upcoming family reunion where I’m 90% sure that the temptation to indulge will be there… so I’m vowing before it even happens, to do something active every single day of the reunion and to stay within my calorie range…plus I’m currently on a streak on myfitnesspal…so far 296 s days of logging in my food intake and exercise. (I’m a beast!!!)

With the heat and not being able to sleep it’s making my ability to exercise down to nil, I have been walking in the wee hours of the morning to get some sort of exercise as well as to try to tire myself out…what ever this is I’m hoping that it passes soon so that I can get back to normal
So what’s the deal with the candy? It’s an activity for the kids at the banquet. I had to count each and everyone of those pebbles of sugary goodness..and I didn’t eat one… that in it’s self is a victory!
Here’s a little ditty for ya… until next time!

Change in Progress…the blog edition

After several hours of not being about to sleep I thought that I would change the layout of the blog. I LOVE pink….but it was time for a change, I wanted something lighter and something “summery”. I’m sure over the course of my weight loss journey this blog will change and grow… just as I am.

The text is larger.. and that’s something that I need to get used to… plus I’m playing with Photoshop (pray for me… cause Lord knows the kind of trouble I’ll be getting into…
So in the meantime let’s reflect and say good bye to the old blog…. so long friend….
Until next time….
When you change….you grow!!

1 month, 300 miles, flabby arms and a NSV!!

I’ve been participating in the Forrest Gump Invitational over at SJT199 and today I hit my personal best as far as miles walked in a month… 300 miles. And to be honest… I felt every single freakin’ mile. I have never been shy about telling anyone that I hate exercising. I don’t like to sweat… and at the end of the day I am super duper lazy! Sweating is not attractive, breathing hard is not attractive…. but I do it because I made to commitment *sigh*

Holy heat wave batman…
So I’ve come to the conclusion that heat is not my friend… I was miserable, I didn’t have the energy to do anything, exercising outside was dangerous and to add insult to injury I swelled up like a water balloon ready to burst.. So far this summer has been brutal and I have a feeling that we are gonna experience more extreme heat before the summer is up, I think that might be the perfect time for me to  check out Netflix (for their assortment of exercise tapes) or do some yoga


I’ve decided to stop complaining… and finally do something about my flabby “flags” arms. So first let me show you the hot mess that my arms have become (brace yourself peeps… this ain’t pretty).. YUCK!!!!!!
There is   clear line of demarcation of where the muscle is and where in “empty” flab begin…or as I like the say, “the line where the doctor is gonna cut it off” (Plastic surgery is not on my radar… but it may be once I marry my 89 year old fiancee…I kid…I kid!!!), So I do what I always do…I complained until someone told me what to do… and boy did I hate the answer I got ..PUSH-UPS…

So let me share with you a secret, push-ups scare me, I have visuals of basic training and some man yelling at my while I’m crying…plus I honestly don’t think my arms are strong enough to hold all my body weight just yet… and I really like my wrists and don’t want to break them… So I did a search for a modified version until I strong enough to do the real thing… I think I can do this…

I also found some other awesome tips on the Livestrong website that I’m going to try.

So on to something a little bit less depressing during the heat wave I had my another NSV…I wore shorts!!! ..okay so let me clarify that I did in fact wear shorts last year at a water park… but let’s me honest… it was either walking around in a swimsuit or wear some shorts…I will choose shorts every single time…

So I’ve had this pair of shorts for years and putting them on last summer was a no-no… I couldn’t even get them over my hips and they were super tight on the thighs..so with the heat index reaching 110 degrees I was of the mind the less amount of clothing the better…

Let’s back up for a minute… something happened after I turned 30 I decided that I was too old for shorts… so I stopped wearing any shorts that hit above the knee..so when i put these on and didn’t feel like a big fat blob I was elated. There is room for improvement… but I’m totally digging the fact that I can fit and feel confident enough to wear these shorts (YAY ME!!)… Enough about the shorts time to work on my arms!!

As always, when you know better you do better!