What The F*ck – The TOWIE Edition (Season 11)


So thanks to Hulu. I have finally seen all of season 11 of TOWIE, if you have to clue what’s I’m talking about go to Hulu, watch then come back here.

Now I will mainly be talking about the last episode of Season 11. I will be going back and discussing some issues with with the entire season; now some of you might remember that I did a What The F*ck!  TOWIE Edition and I think I was only 3 episodes in when I wrote it. Some of my opinions have changed… and some have not… so let’s get started.

Let’s talk about the the sheer number of cast members again… there were A LOT! And because there were so many people around I don’t feel like there weren’t a lot of substantial storylines.. they should start taking a not from Bravo’s Real House Wives franchise… and start demoting people with “friends of the house wives” because a lot of people were frankly … set dressing.

Fern and Charlie: Thank you God! No on of this planet will know how happy that fiasco is OVER! Charlie I can deal with… but Fern…. FERN!! Every time she goes on the screen I can’t stand her more and more, I have to be honest with you, I really lost a lot of respect for the way she dealt with Charlie and Frank… she made herself look bad.

Frank: I miss you I still think you were one on a few people on this show that had common sense? Where did you go? Just because you’re not with Fern (thank goodness!!) doesn’t mean you should be on the scene….

Chloe, Mario, and Lauren: Listen we know that Mario is a man whore… but I really think that he had genuine feelings for Chloe, I think that when you know someone for as long as the two of them have and when there is the jeopardy of hurting and alienating people it’s something that you really have to think about before you jump in with both feet. I think that’s what both of them were trying to do. I think one of the main reasons that Lauren got so upset is because she still has feelings for Mario and she was hurt that he best friend and Mario were23 hooking up “behind her back”. Although Chloe made is clear that the relationship was secret from everyone, Chloe simply couldn’t get past it. When a friendship falls apart, you really start to see the cracks in your friendship foundation. I don’t know either one of them, but this is 100% my opinion but I think that their friendship was quietly competitive.. and it doesn’t sit well when one gets something the other wanted. I get that there were hurt feelings, but I also feel like there should be some communication; when Lauren had an opportunity to speak to Chloe she declined, but she shared her feelings with Bobby… which I feel is wrong. I liked them together and I think they were a lot of fun on the screen I hope that they are able to work things out and resume their friendship.

Lewis and Grace: So I know in the begging I said, “what the F*ck is your point? But I actually like you now.. And to be honest I didn’t know who’s storyline I despised more, your “relationship” issues with Grace or that crap with Fern and Charlie. This is my opinion on the whole Grace and Lewis situation. Lewis genuinely liked Grace, I mean how many guys do you know would leave flowers on your car? But Grace was like, “Nope, I’m gonna go with the much hotter or probably more prone to VD Mario Fallconi.  You went back and forth between the two until Mario dropped you like he does every chick he’s with and you went skittering back to Lewis. So instead of Lewis instantly taking you back, he let you sweat and you went off boo-hooing to Georgia. Girl Bye!

Sam: (Just like I said previously) I really get why you’re leaving, she’s dealing with a lot with her diagnosis of Crohn’s  disease and she’s been on the show from the very beginning…it’s

Diags and Fran: Thank goodness that situation worked out, I have always liked Fran and I34 liked her more after her “conversation” with Fern, I gotta say I agree 100% with everything you said, I liked that she put Fern in her place (no one cares about your tears… except for Gemma). They told each other that they love each other… all is good in TOWIE land… well until next season.

Ricky and Jessica: This is a clear case of people who need to mind their own damn business. Two adults in a relationship who are happy and currently doing well do not need parents, and a know it all cousin causing drama. Jessica cried too much this season, and finally I had to ask, why is she not standing up for herself and her man? I understand being really close to your family; your mother in particular but I have never seen a mother get so upset about her adult daughter moving out into her own apartment, I was seriously like, “you wrote a poem about her moving out… who does that?”


Lewis: Lewis and Lauren should date… the end!

Locke and Danni: I take back what I said, This is by far the most annoying relationship on TOWIE… Every episode the exact same thing was said nothing was resolved….. he cheated before they were”official” she’s hurt by it …we get it… and yet we still don’t care. Does anyone know if they have gotten back together? IO hope so, I’m don’t like them but I’m sick of this whole break-up


Bobby and Gemma: The most co-dependent dynamic duo ever to grace the TOWIE scene. I have finally decided that Gemma might need some serious therapy and not the kind that Bobby likes to give out (was I the only one who felt like he was trying to be Danni’s personal therapist this season) I feel like Gemma is constantly going back and forth with her personal gemma-bobby-towierelationships and with her weight . When she cried when Arg went to talk to Lydia I lost it… I’m confused…Have you moved on or haven’t you? You and Arg are not good together, you both know it… it really is time to move on to bigger and better things… Here’s a thought … You and Frank!!! Now that would be interesting.

Elliot: You need to find a storyline…

Dan : Why are you still here… what I feel about you I feel about David Beckham, you’re really nice to look at and when you start to talk I lose my lady boner.

Does anyone know if the Marbella episode has aired yet? I wonder if Hulu is gonna have it….

Until Next Season,

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What The F*ck! – The TOWIE Edition


So those of us in the United States are just now getting TOWIE Season 11 … Thank you HULU! But unlike previous seasons when Hulu would allow you to binge watch the show, they are releasing two episodes every Saturday, and I guess that’s okay it’s giving me something to look forward to. So before I start I should say that we are like a month behind the UK airings, and I just started watching episode 4. So for many of you this might be old news (and I could very well incorrect with my feelings)


First off let me as you, why in the hell is this cast so huge, remember back in Season 1 when there were like 5 main cast members, now have like 20?download (1) Remember when all the guys were club promoters and the girls were into fashion and modeling and the makeup was really, really, really bad (remember all that rouge Lydia had on during the 60’s part…eek).. so while I’m looking for the picture of her seriously bad makeup I find out that Sam is leaving and Lydia is returning… What the F*ck?! Lydia was just so damn boring…. I guess I have deal with her crying about how unhappy she is  while her mother/friend sits there and coddle her….I went off on a tangent.. Remember when every episode there was some party at the Sugar Hut (which I see has finally makes a return… is it took much to as that we see a bit of Mick or Kirk?)

I hate the new version of the theme some… What The F*ck?! I can’t even sing along in a super high pitched voice anymore, I know that they are trying to take the show in a different direction, but they could have at least kept the song….. so let’s get to the idiots… well I mean cast members.

Fern and Charlie: I binged watched Season 10 on Hulu in 2 or 3 days… so I was lucky that I only had to deal with the epic bull crap that is Fern and Charlie’s relationship, first off I had a hard tome getting used to Fern and Charlie when they first came on the show, an I instantly disliked them, when all their friends relationships were falling apart (Which is the norm apparently ) they seem to throw their relation in EVERYONE’s faces and remind us all how in love and normal they were…. well then we had to deal with their breakup and the fact that Charlie cheated on Fern with 20 women throughout their relationship. They breakup he begs, she cries to everyone on planet Earth, yet they continue to sleep together all the while she’s whining, “I’ll never images2314be able to trust you” and finally Charlie take a page out of the Jerry McGuire manuscript and she decided gives it another go and they all live happily ever after…… until Season 11 when we find out they they are STILL having problems because Fern can’t trust him because he slept with 20 women and so instead of breaking up with him she decided to sleep with some other dude that apparently everyone knows named Frank (who quite honestly  his lips are distracting …kind like Lydia Bright’s). And this is where I’m asking What the F*ck?! She did the exact same thing that Charlie did and was able to justify it. The way that she lied about the whole situation, slept with Charlie THEN tells the truth says a lot about her character. But don’t think Charlie is getting off so easily he was clearly wrong, and the fact that he cheated and slept with that many women during the course of his relationship with Fern simply means that he’s no ready or mature enough to be in a committed relationship… They both need to be single and work on themselves! OMG I can’t even believe that you hooked up with Jasmine, why does everyone go to Jasmine when they breakup with someone….


Chloe: I like the new teeth, I’m not sure why you decided to get your teeth in beaver size in the first place, did you get new boobs too? I know that you were trying to look more natural? But uhmm… you’re far from natural….and naturally I got spoilers, which isn’t that odd….but Chloe and Mario What The F*ck?! But this seems like a clusterfuck in the making, why would you date your little brother’s best friend who also happened to date your best friend? And pretty much half of the population of Essex? I guess it’s really true everyone eventually hooks up with everyone is Essex?

Dan: What the F*ck?! Where is he? I get that he’s raising little Teddy, but I miss him, his incredible body (not including that hideous Michael Jackson tattoo) and you genuinely seem like one of the few people on this show that has some common sense…. we need to see more of you!towiepremario

Mario: What the F*ck?! All last season, you kept saying how much you regretted the way that things ended with you and Lucy, but then go and date the gymnast … what was that girls name…PASCAL.. (I had to really think about that one) Then this season at your birthday party you’re all about Grace (who I really like so far by the way…I love her dimples) and even though I think she’s more suited to Lewis, turns out she’s no longer a fan of your anymore either. Didn’t I read somewhere that you dated Lucy’s little sister’s friend? What The F*ck?! Who does that?? Clearly you lead by your dick. What happened to you swearing off women? Does anyone know how long that lasted? Now you’re dating Chloe?  And before you even proclaim how great things are I already know it’s doomed to fail double What The F*ck?!

Lucy: You have been playing this game since season 1… you have really starting to annoy the hell out of me. You don’t want the man, but you don’t want anyone else to have them either What the Fuck?! Apparently you and Lauren have A LOT to talk about…. wouldn’t that be an awesomely annoying spin-off

Lewis: What the F*ck is your point? …hopefully you’ll get a story line, I think we have enough “bros” on this show

Elliot: Last season I didn’t like Elliot at all I felt like he was second rate mark, between him and Lewis it was like he was making every single and available woman on the show but so far you really seem to be working on developing and maintaining your friendships with people, and that’s a lot more than most of the cast has been doing. I really, really love the friendship that you have with Gemma, I love how you are encouraging gemma-collins-elliott-wrighther and helping her get into shape.

Gemma: First of all I love bacon too, and when Elliot threw yours away I cried for you… eggs and bacon.. there is nothing better. Gemma used to be my favorite cast member on the show, but she’s extremely temperamental and seems to have some confidence issues. Since her introduction to the show she constantly in and out of relationships (but that’s not unusual for anyone on the show) but she is quick to get into an argument when someone she perceives as a friend is disloyal to her by being friends to someone else… this is real like and not high school… people are allowed to have lives outside of Gemma Collins, but despite all of her misgivings I love her… I love that she’s fabulous, and is unapologetic about showing her boy no matter what size it is.

Bobby: This is Bobby’s roll … he walks into a room spills some gossip, rolls his eyes then saunters out.

Arg: Yet another person who I was rooting for when I first watched this show, but now he’s like a teenage girl, him and Bobby should be in cahoots…. they both love to get and spill the gossip… Arg hasn’t perfected the eye roll yet, but he sits in the corner with that stupid grin and that hideous laugh when the everything is going down


Sam: I really get why you’re leaving, she’s dealing with a lot with her diagnosis of Crohn’s  disease and she’s been on the show from the very beginning…it’s time to move on


Billie: Since Billie is gonna be a mom and a wife soon I think she will be leaving the show soon as well….


Diags, Fran,  and Tom: A love triangle this early in the season… YIPEE!! I’m of two minds on this. I get what Tom was trying to do, but I also understand what Diags is coming from. I think Fran should just be like, “Diags lets to this!” … I hope they end up together, he seems like a really nice guy.


Ricky and Jessica: Are they still on the show? Happy nice couples always seem to take the backburner.

Locke and Danni: I feel like this is gonna turning into Fern and Charlie part 2… I already can’t stand it

Like I said before I’m only starting episode 4, but if I have these many feelings with the show this far, just imagine what my feeling would be at the end of this season…. I can’t wait!

Until Next Time,

tyra signature