What The F*ck? – TOWIE Ep. 12

We have finally reached the end!! So much unnecessary drama…another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. So for those  two people who actually read my TOWIE posts these are for you..  Season 12 posts can be found here: 1-45-6 , 7, 8 , 9 , 10 and 11. This post photos are courtesy of Holy Moly

The last episode everyone was talking about either Arg or the Wedding, oh and there was a party…

Episode 12 “FINALE – Thank God!”

Arg finally get’s to meet baby Nellie. he looks rather cute with the baby and the parasol… aITV_t_TOWIEb073114nd first glance I? thought that it was Billie and her fiancée… Arg is getting baby fever and things he would be a good dad to her cubby babies who he would knick name Tum-Tum. Poor Arg has been a little down, between the issues with Lydia and things with the Wrights… it’s a lot right now. Billie asks Nellie if he can get Lydia back… naturally she  doesn’t answer.

Having Malts, Gemma, Bobby, Ferne and Charlie, Bobby feels like Danny Zucko, I’m a bit confused… doesn’t his hair always look like that? Apparently there is a 50’s style  fun fair… which means it’s a good time to bring out the leathers… Gemma is still looking for a man.  Carole (last post I added an e…. sorry) Jessica, Debbi and Lydia are also preparing for the party… I would ask why these moms always party with their daughters bit momentarily I forgot what I was watching… apparently there will be more than one Danny Zucko there. Jessica get’s a text from Leah, her honeymoon is over and she’s ready to talk…Leah’s going to the fun fair and it should be a good time for all. Naturally they are still talking about the wedding and apparently Carol doesn’t appreciate that Chloe is talking about it as Carol says, “She’s not family” I’m having a bit of déjà vu… this is the same crap she said about Ricky last season… it might be time for someone to tell Carole to stay in her damn lane….

Over at Chloe’s (the salon)  Danni and Georgia  are getting their hair done and taking about the Fifty Shades of Gray trailer. Apparently Danni likes to hear about people’s sex lives., Chloe would never want to be tied up, but Georgia thinks that Grace totally would, they hash up all the issues with Grace accusing Fran of cheating with her ex.

Lewis and Lauren are on the screen, I’m super bored. Lauren says that Danni is twisting the truth… I’m confused, maybe I missed something because I felt like Danni was very clear about her feelings, and honestly Lewis needs to shut the f*ck up… he wasn’t even there to witness the argument he should not be commenting on anything…. I’m done with those two. I swear Lauren has said “like” at least 50 times in this conversation…. so annoying.

Lydia is wavering back and forth with the Arg situation…and like always she cries… I am so over this. On her way home Lydia calls Arg (who is making a massive sandwich) feels like it was a good idea to talk to him and talk before they see each other that evening because she doesn’t want it to be awkward between the two of them. I’m happy that they were able to have a grown up conversation.

The Sugar Hut… Chloe and Elliot are having cITV_t_TOWIEg073114offee, and Jessica walks in to let them know that Leah called, Chloe is watching and keeping quiet.. once again Jessica is making excuses for her mother’s bad behavior… how about this apologize to Leah..I’m confused about how Carole and Jess knew about the conversation that Chloe had with her brother… maybe they saw it on television.

God… Grace is on the screen.. and because she has absolutely nothing to talk about she’s still talking about Georgia and Fran… does this girl have other friends? And once again Lewis is getting in the girl’s business…. I seriously think that this will fall back on him and bite him in his ass. Grace vows to continue to give as good as she gets (it). If Grace has proof why hasn’t she shown it and shut this nonsense down… then non of this would be happening….

I saw the Tarot cards, and instantly knew that Gemma was seeing a psychic again… this time it’s George Valentino, Bobby is there to give her a bit of support… there is a man in her future, and love will defiantly blossom for her.

Grease is the word…. and holy crap this is probably the best party ever…seriously. It looks just like a scene out of the movie..everyone looks fantastic, the amount of gel the guys are wearing is astounding.  Charlie and Chloe are having a conversation by the strong man and Ferne comes over with cotton candy, she apologizes for not talking to ITV_t_TOWIEm073114Chloe the other night. It looks like the girls are ready to move on and rebuild their relationship… I’m sure Charlie is happy about this. Danni and Lockie are getting cotton candy and Lewis and Lauren with her best bitch face walk over… honestly I don’t know if it’s bitch face or too much Botox. The guys are good friends and they don’t want the girls to fight because it makes everything awkward…. okay, okay they have a point, but the girls didn’t come say one word to one another and just walked away… FYI: Lauren is officially Lewis’ girlfriend… and I officially don’t care (Mr. Sandman is playing in the background… and I’m nearly falling asleep). Lydia is waiting by the candy cart and Tom goes over to tell her his opinion and tells her that they are meant to be together.

There  montage of everyone eating, playing games and on the Ferris Wheel, but one thing that I couldn’t ignore was that kiss that Bobby laid on Dan…holy cow!! (hope Harry didn’t see that). Why is every time Grace is on the screen Lewis is right by her side… clearly he’s the only friend that she has left… but  here comes the mean girls  Tom, FranITV_t_TOWIEn073114 and Georgia and Diags. Georgia is really annoyed of everyone calling her a liar… they talk about the pictures and Diags is over the entire situation… and walks away.

I’m loving Ricky lately… he;s so cute… he and Chloe are talking and he tells her that she should go talk to Carole, but the way that he says it in a the high pitched sing-song voice is hilarious. Ricky is breaking his rule (and not keeping his mouth closed) and he tells her that Carol is pissed off with her.And Carole, Jessica and Elliot are literally 6 feet away…. they should totally go say hi. Greasiness must run in the family,  because here comes Leah ready to confront her aunt and her cousin, once again the blame goes back to Arg, and Carol has not once admitted he part in the situation, Elliot makes his aunt apologize to Leah and Carol looks seriously hesitant… like What The F*ck Carol?

BARRY!! And their nice with each other… maybe they can’t be together, but maybe they can be friends again. They look over and Gemma is chatting with a man…. they look intrigued, but Gemma wasn’t;t impressed.. apparently he was too short and he has kids…

Arg and Lydia finally have a moment alone. Arg admits that he should have bee completely honest with her. He’s seriously nervous and he says, “I’m still the person you fell in love with, just a better version.”  so for the third time he gives Lydia her shoes… because apparently she’s always loved Sex in the City…. but wait there is another  surprise. Arg takes a blindfolded Lydia across a bridge…he recounts the first time they told each other they loved each other, Arg breaks down in tears. He has someone sing their song, it’s very sweet and romantic..

Elliot pulls Chloe to the side and tells her that even though he wasn’t looking for he, he’s found it..he’s totally smitten with her and it’s good to see

The Grease Finale… with the song (FYI that was my senior song… who’s idea was that?)

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It was all very sweet but how long is this love affair gonna last? Guess we have to wait until next season to find out

Thoughts about the season 

Although he is a charming douche I did miss Mario, it would have been nice to see if the relationship between Mario and Charlie suffered due to the blink and you miss relationship with him and Chloe, and I would have loved to see who he would have tried to date this season. I will admit even though I tried to fight it I do like Chloe and Elliot together, I’m not sure if it was the pacing of the season, but things seem to be moving fast.. may with the two of them together they will ease up on the plastic surgery.

I don’t know what to think about the whole Chloe and Lauren (friendship) breakup. I will say what I said before, if you let some guy get in between your friendship… that says a lot about the strength of your friendship to begin with. Arg and Lydia… I’m just hoping that we don’t have to deal with the back and forth next season. I still think Jasmine and Dan should leave, it’s seriously time for some new blood, and maybe once and for all Grace will close her mouth

Even though they didn’t’ t have a lot of screen time I missed seeing Barry together, and hopefully now that Billie has had the baby maybe we can see more of her… at this point she’s the only person on this show with common sense.

Honesty this is the second season where I’ve had that love it or leave it mentality… I’ll give it one more season before I give up on it….

And naturally there was a finale party, where everyone showed off their finest plastic surgery and weaves.

What The F*ck ?–TOWIE Ep. 10

Is this show over yet? So much unnecessary drama…another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. So for those  two people who actually read my TOWIE posts these are for you..  Season 12 posts can be found here: 1-45-6 , 7, 8 and 9. This post photos are courtesy of Holy Moly

Last episode Arg and Lydia had sex and Arg told everyone with the ability to hear. Billie introduced her baby to the world and Gemma broke down in tears… everyone else has drama (what else is new?)  At this point I’m exhausted, I’m so sick of all these recycled storylines…. but here we go to episode 8 10(See I don’t even know at this point)…. Leah’s Wedding…

Episode 10 “White Wedding”

Shopping makes everything okay… according to Vas and Lauren, honestly having a conversation like adults and saying, “I’m sorry” might work a little better, but then again, I have a tiny thread of common sense.

While most of the crew is in Spain, Bobby, Gemma and Ferne are having a sit down  and having tea… probably correctly assuming that there will be drama in Spain. At Eduardo’s the Wrights with Lydia and Chloe  are discussing the wedding and Leah has a bit of pre-wedding Jitters…. she doesn’t want people to look at her… here’s a tip, when you walk I have everyone to close ITV_t_TOWIEa072414their eyes until you get to the alter. I might be a little cynical here, but usually a woman’s wedding is one of the few times when a woman wants all eyes on here… I’m not saying that she doesn’t have pre-wedding jitters… but honestly… get the f*ck outta here… what was the point…While Leah is crying it’s literally too much for Elliot to take so he excuses himself to hang out with the guys. Chloe decides it’s a good time to get in good with the family and starts to gush about Elliot.(now don’t get me wrong I genuinely like Chloe and Elliot together) then the conversation goes to Lydia and Arg… Jess makes the assumption because there will be alcohol that sex will be happening ; although Lydia find the conversation a bit uncomfortable I frankly find the assumption valid.

Back in Essex Gemma admits that she had a bit of a break down, she says that it’s not about Arg.. she feels like she’s never gonna have a happy ending, and she feels like it’s game-over for her. So Gemma and Bobby decide to set Gemma up on a blind date. Gemma perks up immediately and proclaims, “I want Danny Dyer, I want Danny Dyer, he’s a geezer!” (I had to look him up, had no clue who he was… apparently he’s an actor on East Enders… I’m excited about this.

Vas wants to know the appropriate way to ask someone to be their boyfriend or girlfriend after the age of 14…. this is a very good question and I would seriously like to know… Lauren has a problem with Lewis telling people that they’ve slept together… I think that she might have a bit amnesia, isn’t that they way things happen on this show… seriously, What The F*ck Lauren? …

Obstacle course with a bit of army flair is on tap for Georgia, Tom, Diags and Fern (are Tom and Georgia dating? I think they would b cute together… and I honestly like to see when friends become more… )They seem to be having a good time. As they take a break and taking a break from the drama, they do the only sensible thing bring up the people who is the crux of the drama… Grace.  Apparently Fern called her ex and he said that he’s never ever heard of Grace before…even though the entire accusation about Fran cheating is ridiculous, I find the fact that she called her  hilarious… Tom feels that Grace is a shit starting, while I feel most of the people on this show could fall into that category. Grace has become the black hole of Essex.

ITV_t_TOWIEw072414At Café Essex what an originally name. Vas literally runs into Danni, and I honestly feel bad to Vas, it was like as soon as he saw Danni he looked like he was on the verge of tears. Vas apologized about the scum comment, Danni admitted that she was very angry and a but humiliated and she said some things that she probably shouldn’t have said. I think I said this in my last post that Vas was projecting a little bit, I’m glad that he was able to talk to Danni, and be able to set this matter at rest. I’m incredibly sad that Vas had to go through what he did, but I think that this is a start to a better relationship with Danni and Vas and maybe this incident will b the catalyst for Vas to get some help for things that have happened in the past…that was deep.

Back in Spain (man does this cast love Spain) Ricky, Eliot and Arg are drinking. Arg being the complete idiot that he is he admits that he left his suit back home and that caused Arg and Lydia to have an argument, but then the next day they fooled around. This seems par for the course for these two. Lydia says she’’ doesn’t want a relationship with him but sleep with him then they have this back and forth…

It’s time for the wedding and in the background they are playing one of my favorite songs (Christina Perri –  A Thousand Years) and instantly I’m like aww…the wedding was very pretty. Arg didn’t even attempt to buy a new suit. During the reception Elliot and Chloe are still on a wedding high, discussing the wedding. And I’m wondering if Elliot has always been that greasy, because he’s the only one sweating like a pig. Despite not having a suit Arg and Lydia are color coordinated very nicely. Arg wants a Essex wedding while Lydia would enjoy a hippie wedding with no makeup… as soon as Lydia said it… Arg instantly changed his mind and decided that’s the wedding he wants to. Lydia ITV_t_TOWIEm072414(while talking to Ricky and Jess) tells them that her and Arg aren’t gonna be together like they are now. Ricky thinks that she’s in love with him and she’s messing with his head, and in the end Arg is gonna end up deeply hurt…. for once I agree with Ricky. It’s time for the wedding toss…and naturally Chloe catches the bouquet… cause that wasn’t planned at all. Chloe and Elliot dance to Adele (the music is fantastic!) apparently they get to have a dance to themselves… man that family is really pushing to marry Elliot off. Elliot admits that he’s completely and totally in love with Chloe and Maddie ; it’s a sweet moment. But of course that feeling is gonna go to shit because Arg and Lydia is having a conversation. Arg is calling Lydia to task. apparently she’s a lot different in private than she is in public, she’s really upset that everyone knows every single aspect of their relationship because of Arg’s big fat mouth… things begin to escalate quickly. Arg apologizes but Lydia feels like they need to just be friends with no benefits… and I totally didn’t see that happening (said no one EVER!)

Back in Essex it looks like Ferne is cold calling for a blind date for Gemma, I’m not sure if this is sad or completely hilarious

I finally understand what a back, sack and crack is… Lockie is getting his hairy ass waxed…. no ITV_t_TOWIEn072414wonder he didn’t look to thrilled when he won a date with bobby… let’s be honest Lockie really needed it. Lauren goes to visit Lewis house and decides that his place isn’t as bachelor pad-ish as she thought that it was. Lauren wants to make sure that Lewis isn’t gonna go off and blab every time they have sex…  Doesn’t she know guys gossip just as bad as girls do.

Harry is helping Gemma get ready for her date. She doesn’t want to wear a jeweled caftan… and I don’t understand why… she wears them all the time. I wish that Gemma would realized that she should go into this with very little expectations and just to have a good time…

I swear I can spot Debbie’s hair from a mile away, and if she’s on the screen that can only mean one thing. Lydia is calling her… and I was wrong… cause it’s Arg. Didn’t Lydia ask her mother not to discuss her relationship with Arg… but naturally she doesn’t listen and starts talking… Gemma is at the restaurant  with the instructions to look out for a geezer in a white shirt… so naturally a parade of men with white shirts walk in… one’s too buff, one’s too short , one’s really cute, but he’s not it… finally Mr. Blind Date comes in with a flower in his hand. Gemma ITV_t_TOWIEs072414smiles… so far this is going well. He introduced himself as Gino. Gino met Ferne back in Vegas….uhmm . Gemma and Gino have met before, they kissed at the Sugar Hut. Things were going well, but she thinks he should be older… I’m not understanding this… she’s never cared in the past.

Dumb!Dan makes his required appearance in the episode… and those far he’s talked about three complete sentence. And because they don’t have lives of their own, they talk about Lydia and Arg… and as dumb as Dan is he actually says something intelligent. He also thinks that Arg is gonna end up hurt.

Dannie walks up to the bar, and like a villain in an old classic movie turns to greet Danni slowly… seriously I watch this show for moments like this. Danni is not in the mood to talk and walks away.  Vas mentions he world girlfriend… and the look on Lewis’s face is hilarious, it’s almost like the idea never occurred to him.

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Can you believe that we still have more episodes to watch…. geez

Until Next Time…

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

What The F*ck? TOWIE – Ep. 8

It’s that time again…another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. So for those  two people who actually read my TOWIE posts these are for you.. previous season 12 posts can be found here , here and here. Last episode included a break-up a fashion show with no fashions… the continuation of the Ferne vs. The Simms Family drama… and the girls still haven’t made up. This post as well as the previous post photos are courtesy of Holy Moly

Episode 8 “Who Wants To Go Polo?” 

Has Chloe lightened her hair again? I don’t like it… wonder if she had someone at her shop to do it? She and Elliot are looking at houses, when she declares, “this room is really wooden”… thanks for stating the obvious Chloe, I guess no one really mistakes her for being the smart Simms sibling. Elliot and Chloe have only been dating for a short time, this are still somewhat tumultuous with the family so why would they think that now would be  a good time to move together… I don’t see this ending well at all (I wonder how the children feel about this)

Bobby looking really upset (seems like he’s had a rough night) has come over to Gemma’ to discuss the argument at the fashion show with no fashions. Bobby’s feelings are still hurt and still doesn’t really understand why Gemma can’t pick a side and stick with it. I’ve mentioned this before but it’s extremely difficult  to be friends with both parties when they are going through a breakup, it’s nearly impossible to divide your loyalties equally, so I sort of feel bad for Gemma.

NAIL POLISH SIGHTING! Diags is a poor replacement for Grace; although he seems to be enjoying his pedicure with the girls.

ITV_t_Towiea071714_thumb[1]The guys are getting ready for a polo game. Arg is telling the guys that he’s still in the friend zone and he may very well be staying there for the duration, I for one and ready for him to move on, learn how to drive, and stopping laughing like a hyena. I honestly thought that Mario was gonna pop out of the dressing room, since they were at the tailors, but I guess he hasn’t been cleared to film yet… guess that’s what happens with  drug charges…

Ferne is gushing about Billie’s baby with Jess and Ricky, conversation quickly moved on to the Charlie/Ferne saga (of course it would … that’s the only thing she has going for her right now… and I’m every single season it’s something going on with those to, I don’t how a couple with so much drama manages to stay together) she admits that she wasn’t with Charlie at the time when she proposition Elliot, so besides the fact that that it got out and embarrassed her, she was free to be proposition anyone she wanted for a quick bathroom f*ck…

ITV_t_Towiej071714_thumb[1]Grace is looking spiffy with her new hair (notice that she didn’t go to Chloe’s; just sayin’) Grace has decided that she is sick of the crap between her and Georgia and Fran and if she has to she’s ready to go toe to toe with the girls…. I had a bad feeling… something is about to happen between them… this is certainly not over.

Brother and sister meet to discuss the drama that seems to have overtaken their family. Chloe decides that she doesn’t like nature, (and I have officially decided that I have had it with her… it’s time for to shut her trap and let Charlie deal with his relationship like a man… if it’’ ends badly it’s on him, she’s given him her opinion numerous times… now it’s time to make peITV_t_Towieb071714_thumb[3]ace and move on) so why meet in a garden (clearly she forgot that she’s on a “reality” show and production that the garden would be “dramatic”) Charlie is still really upset , he doesn’t care what people think about his relationship, he simply wants his sister to accept it and for Elliot to keep his damn mouth closed… sounds simple and doable…. until the next time Charlie seems Elliot and they are back at square one…. never ending drama on this show…

At polo “posh” British people are showing off their finest threads and plastic surgeries. Vas in all his fashion-forwardness is wearing the latest in cameo tracksuit shorts combo. They are talking shit about Danni because like me she doesn’t get Vas’ fashion and thinks is looks like vomit that has been sitting in the hot summer sun. . Vas thinks she’s scum and makes some ITV_t_Towied071714_thumb[1]other cutting remarks about Danni, apparently he tried to be sly and made a passive aggressive tweet about her not being fashionable enough to understand his show… she came back with… “please, I know fashion, I’m a fashion buyer bitch… so you and your homeless chic and go suck it!” (I’m totally paraphrasing here). Before I move on Chloe makes a bitchy comment about how Ferne and her are practically wearing the same dress… I could be clueless, but Jessica’s dress is more similar to Chloe’s dress than Ferne’s is.. guess she just needed to be petty and  say something.. Gemma is wearing the latest from her collection while she and Bobby are scoping out the eye candy on the polo field. and Bobby wants a bloke that can ride him all night long, thanks for the imagery Bob.. While everyone else is stopping the diverts. Lauren and Lewis are over at the bar talking and Lewis admits that he really likes Laruen, there is a lot of smiling and complementing each other.

Arg still feels the need to go down memory lane with Lydia, he’s still pathetically in love with her and it’s a little sad; he asks Lydia to be his date to Leah’s wedding in Spain, Lydia agrees to go and tells him, they she will go only if they can have separate rooms,. Is it me or does Tom, Fran and Diags look like they have been sitting in the sun for a bit too long, or they could have a good buzz… Tom reminds us that they have free booze…. so he’s proudly double fisting it. Fran feels like Grace has changed a little bit and Lewis is a little bitch, Diags looks on, seems upset because he forgot him sunglasses.The “New” Grace is having a little chat with the “Old” Georgia and pretty much says she’s not gonna talk about it.

I think this might be the first scene that Elliot and Gemma have had all season, now we know Gemma wouldn’t be Gemma is her nose wasn’t in other people’s business… and this polo game is no exception, since she’s been dealing with the Barry drama, she hasn’t had the time to say her peace about the Ferne vs. Simms Family drama, so she sits down with Elliot who seems to busy to listen because he’s primping, but she pretty much tells him that he’s given Ferne a lot of low blows and it’s time for them to end this feud once and for all. Elliot feels like if  Ferne can keep her mouth closed this situation wouldn’t be happening, Gemma is looking at him and slightly judging him and thinking he’s full of shit .

Back on the tired peoples couch Tom decides to go over to the “New” Grace and tries to get Grace come over to talk to Fran and Diags… instead of doing so. she once again trying to explain to Tom and he doesn’t really want to hear it he just wants to girls to make up.

Apparently there is a post polo after party  (of course there is … this is TOWIE, there’s a pretty much a party every episode) Lewis walks over to Tom and Diag’s and the conversation is stilted and awkward and Diags looks like he’s had enough of the shit; he tells Lewis that he is two-faced and bitchy by add fuel to the fire between the girl…Lewis counters that there is always drama between the girls, and there’s no denying that.

Arg is having a sit down with Elliot and I think Arg might be a little drunk, he seems a little mumbled mouthed to be. And they talk about the wedding and he tells Elliot that he’s invited Elliot and they do their man talk….

Gemma ,Bobby, Charlie and Ferne go out for post polo curry, and Butch!Bobby makes an appearance …looks a lot like Regular! Bobby to me. Gemma sticks her nose in the drama (rolls eyes). She’s saying the same thing that everyone else is saying, it’s time to let it go. Charlie ITV_t_Towies071714looks like he’s on the verge of tears.

Lockie and Danni realized that they are the only people from polo who haven’t changed…Danni is totally digging the Italian gangster look. Jasmine makes her required appearance and brings up the whole Vas/Jas/Paz situation….lol . Ricky thinks that there is something more going on than the whole Lydia and Arg situation, apparently Lydia feels like they are together sometimes, without the whole pesty sex thing… she admits that’s she’s not ruling out getting back together… which means next season they will be back together…

Fran and Georgia walk up to each other and Fran looks tired, guess being out in the sun does that to a person…Grace doesn’t feel like Fran has been a good friend… telling her that she bitches behind her back and she doesn’t trust Fran, she no longer considered Fran a friend anymore, the whole time Fran is utterly confused. According the Grace Fran is a hypocrite because she was sleeping with someone else when her and Diags got together, and this sets Fran off. Grace storms off and Fran calls her a “f*cking bitch”

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The next episode should be lots’ of fun…. can’t wait. For those of you who are unable to see the current season of TOWIE in your area… season 12 is now on HULU, and they finally got a clue and decided to air this years Marbs special…

Until Next Time…

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

What The F*ck? TOWIE – Ep. 7

It’s that time again…another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. So for those  two people who actually read my TOWIE posts these are for you.. previous season 12 posts can be found here and here. The week the deli finally opened , we learned that , Chloe can’t make a sandwich to save her life, Grace pretty much did to Tom what Tom has done to every girl he’s dated on TOWIE, The Ferne and Charlie saga continues, Jessica cried , Billie is ready to pop out her baby and remains a ray of sunshine. Gemma remains in the middle of the drama Barry is still on rocky ground and Georgia, Grace and Fran had a three way argument.

Episoide7 “Sign the damn Prenup!”

Wait! Harry has his own shop? Does Harry’s World sell se toys or something, no? BOORING another store selling clothes.

Lockie and Danni are at the zoo, these two argue about the correct pronunciation on the word lemur, honestly it’s like a meeting with dumb and dumber. Danni then reminds Lockie how f*cked up their relationship was in the past and in order for things to then to get back together things defiantly need to change.

Over at Chloe’s Elliot stands around looking the douchy ass butt he is while Chloe prepares the shop for the day. Arg walks in and brings up Ferne; because clearly he has nothing else to discuss… so naturally the shit talking begins and Arg starts to laugh like a freakin’ hyena, after he’s done laughing it up he causally mentions that Lauren and Vas are having a fashion show (like the care) Chloe proudly  says that she would rather her vagina be dry… wait that’s not what she said; darn it, she actually said that she’d rather see paint dry… but honestly the  vagina line was way funnier .

Grace has asked Tom to come to the park for a chat. She admits that she is still  in contact with her ex-boyfriend (Tom knew that already, hell everyone in their circle knew that…. you know gossip spreads like wild-fire) Tom’s is feeling like he was played by Grace…Grace starts to cry (I’m confused as to why) as expected the conversation moves to an argument that Grace has with Georgia and Fran. Tom says something to the effect, “I don’t know what you argued; no one really cares”. Tom is over the entire situation and I’m seriously over Tom’s pink shorts.

Bobby announces that maybe he was a bit too hasty is his decision to take Harry back. He no longer trusts Harry and thinks they should break up once and for all (sad face) . Harry is devastated, and so am I, honestly I was looking forward to more matching summer attire, R.I.P Barry…you never really had a chance.

ITV_t_TOWIEq071414Ricky is out shopping with his mum… and  it literally take six seconds for him to start talking about Jessica and how they ate not living together. I’m over this , this story has gone beyond anything that I can stand and anytime here on out I refuse to write about it.

Danni and Lockie seem happy walking around the zoo , things seem like they are going well until Dannie starts to list off all the ways Lockie made her fell during their relationship and all the drama he caused; she then presents him with a “prenup” or a contract from their relationship. He has to sign it or their relationship can’t go any further, so like mature adults they both spit in their hands and kiss; then Danni in all her white jean gloriousness falls in the bushes behind her with a lovely elephant looking on.

I’m not sure if Charlie’s is open for business, every time they show it , Ferne is the only person there. Elliot Wright is he topic of conversation for the lovebirds. He’s a total douche butt and Charlie has had enough of him. And honestly I really want to know if there is any truth to the whole “Let’s F*ckn in the Toilets” drama.

Dumb!Dan is at the gym with Lockie talking about the relationship contract. Seriously Dumb!Dan  can barley form a sentence without laughing… he is seriously becoming as useless as Jasmine.ITV_t_TOWIEb071414

Arg is learning to drive for the 784th time and Lydia is doing a good deed by attempting to teach him. It instantly becomes sexual (for Arg) and he tells her that safety vest is turning him on….. let’s be honest a taco, fish and chips, a slice of cake, and Nanny Pat’s sausage plait turns him on as well. At this point I don’t think that he’s even trying; there is no way that a grown man is that dim. During the lunch break Lydia asks Arg his other life goals. Arg tells her he hopes for kids and a family home all the while lovingly glazing into Lydia’s eyes… she’s not having any of it.

Lewis meets up with Grace (I don’t know why) to talk about the argument. Grace is upset that they were talking about her behind her back… I’m screaming at the top of my lungs, THIS IS TOWIE EVERYONE TALKS SHIT ABOUT EVERYONE BEHIND THEIR BACK!

Charlie walks into Chloe’s like a boss, (and matching Chloe and Elliot) he grabs a seat ignored Chloe and tells Elliot that he’s tired of him being reckless with his mouth and to stay in his lane. Elliot says he’s done with the situation (how many times has he said that?) and I don’t believe one word he says; I don’t think Charlie is buying it either, Chloe can’t deal with not being included and starts to cry… boo-hoo.

At the fashion show titled, “Lauren and Vas: Unzipped (how original) Vas has gotten a haircutITV_t_TOWIEj071414 for the special occasion while everyone gathers for a good Essex party … which will only mean one thing DRAMA!

Lockie takes Dumb!Dan’s advice and makes changes to the contract, Danni’s annoyed but reluctantly agrees to sign it, thus bringing us another chapter of the Danni/Lockie saga.

Ricky and Jessica are on the screen…. he looks odd without his beard

Wow, I think Lewis and I have the same pants –   No BUENO. Lewis tells this girls to stop being bullies and start being better friends. I’m not impressed by any of the clothes at the fashion show…. and you can tell they put a lot of money in it  just by looking at the plastic cups people are holding… guess it goes with the homeless chic them Vas is pushing .

Meanwhile Fran and Charlie are having dinner when Fran want to celebrate because Billie has had her baby girl. CHEERS TO BILL! Ferne tells Charlie what happened at the Frat party, In Walks Elliot and his sister Leah… the tension is thick and the conversation immediately stops.

Back at the fashion show with horrible fashions. Gemma and Bobby have a go at each other. Bobby is upset (what else is new?) because Gemma has finally made peace with Harry, and went over to his place and enjoyed a BBQ with the family; Bobby is feeling hurt and begins to question Gemma’s loyalty. Once again someone in Gemma’s gay entourage is pissed at her. Bobby mentioned the words that destroy every relationship, “egg salad”!

At the restaurant Elliot decided to go over to Charlie and Ferne’s table to bury the hatchet (right in Ferne’s back). Ferne ugly cries…..

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For those of you who are unable to see the current season of TOWIE in your area… season 12 is now on HULU, and they finally got a clue and decided to air this years Marbs special…

Until Next Time…

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

What The F*ck?–TOWIE eps. 5 and 6

Here we go again, another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. Now if you need a reminder Arg got Friend-zoned, Harry and Bobby are still broken up, and new couples seem to popping up…yet I don’t think any of them are gonna last (photos on the blog today are courtesy of Holy Moly

Episode 5

“Drama at the Deli”

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Billie!

The boys are together flying some sort of contraption and giving Arg shit about being in the friend-zone, they guys seem to be sympathizing with him, especially Diags, but let’s face it … if anyone deserves to be FZ’d it’s Arg, he has the maturity of an ant. tom thinks he’s found the right woman in Grace… haven’t we heard that before…

The girls are hanging out helping Billie pack and looking over baby clothes, when all of the sudden Billie starts to feel some pain…. but never fear it’s a rouse to wind up Gemma… Jessica is still talking about living on her own, I’m confused, she wanted to live alone so why the hell is she crying about not living with Ricky *eye rolls*

Barry finally meets up for ice cream, and serious relationship conversation on the beach. They are gonna move forward….without promises (whatever that means) Let’s be honest I don’t care what problems they have ..two fabulous gay men need to get together… that’s it, that’s all.

Are you serious? This damn deli isn’t open yet? What the hell is taking so long… don’t they know there are a lot of hungry people in Brentwood production is gonna need another location for drama and fights to happen? Maybe I spoke to soon, cause Chloe and  Elliot walk it and the temperature instantly drops… seems Ferne and Chloe are still on the outs as evidence my the eye rolls and not speaking directly at one another… Chloe sure is losing friends left and right..

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Vas and Lauren visit Lydia in her shop, and apparently Vas is totally into homeless chic… while the girls favor Festival chic… the only thing I can say is Vas is doing his best Pharrell Williams impression… What The F*ck?

Here’s Dumb!Dan working out with his chick on the side Georgia. Dan flex’s his man boobs, much to Georgia, Fran and Grace’s enjoyment…I am enjoying the look of total confusion and bewilderment on Dumb!Dan’s face which the girls are chatting about Grace’s date with Tim… I bet he’s wondering when he became on of the girls… just sit there with your mouth close and continue to flex Dumb!Dan

The most awkward sandwich making ever is currently happening at the deli. Chloe and Ferne are sitting right next to each other and completely ignoring one another… did I happen to mention that they are the only two people in the building  (the boys when to go workout… but I think production wanted another catfight ), but damn it Billie walks in full of sunshine and roses… and naturally Ferne is about to talk shit about Chloe white she’s in the back…let’s be honest they were some shitty looking sandwiches… but as loud as they are talking I’m sure Chloe hears them

Eye f*cking between Lewis and Lauren with Vas being an awkward third (still wearing that fugly hate) Apparently as long as Vas is impressed with Lauren’s future beau it’s al good. Lewis in the nicest way possible tells Vas to go “F*ck Off” While he attempts to finally ask Lauren out on a date

Nanny Pat … I love this woman, since Mark is gone she’s not feeding anyone like she did back in Season 2. go to visit Jessica in her new apartment… and once again Jess is crying about living alone… I think she might be on her period…

Good God, Mr. Darcy is huge! And let’s be honest he’s f*ckin’ ugly and mean looking. I will admit he was quite cute when he was a piglet..

Then we get an amusement park montage of Barry…there is fun and cuddles… let’s move on

Back at Jessica’s mom and gran are still consoling her when Danni and Karen stop by, apparently Karen has some issues with Gemma (who doesn’t) and her roll in the Barry breakup. Apparently she plans to confront her and the deli opening….DRAMA!

Finally the Deli is open and it’s clear that Charlie has borrowed once of Vas’ hat and he want’s everyone to know, he’s back, with a bang, with a deli!” I will say this is the fanciest deli opening I’ve ever seen… but we all know everything is in excess here on TOWIE. We meet Demi… the other Simms sibling (I didn’t know she existed…She looks nothing like Chloe, but then again Chloe has had some much work done, she resembles no one… and once again they instantly start talking shit about Ferne once Charlie leaves.

White is apparently the color that everyone is wearing tonight, because Lauren is wearing a cute little white dress on her date with Lewis (who is doing his best impression of a oily, mumble mouthed Gatsby)

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While Gemma is giving Jessica relationship advice Karen comes over and attempts to give Gemma the business about the whole Barry situation… but she cries instead. Karen’s give the best advice ever, “Let’s both stay out of it” and in true Gemma Collins fashion she replies, “I’m 33 and Fabulous” bitch please….

Episode 6

“Talking shit behind your back”

Everything seems to be nice and peaceful in TOWIE land… but we all know that’s gonna last for a minute

Over at Chloe’s (the salon not the person) Chloe and Gemma ogle Mr. Wright’s ass, Chloe reminds us that it’s time for more Botox because, she’s not into expressions (she’s not into looking natural either) then they proceed to get down to business… taking shit about Ferne, if Ferne has a nickel for every time someone talked crap about her she’d be a rich woman.

Jessica is having lunch with her mom and cousin discussing her wedding… once again she’s complaining about her living situation with Rick…I’m over it.

The guys get together for a little game of tennis, Arg still in the friend-zone but wants it to be much more, apparently Lydia is gonna help him learn to drive (it’s totally her turn, because 5 people have tried to teach him before….)

Barry are shopping for something to wear at yet another party.. Gemma’s name pop’s up (no one is surprised)

ITV_t_TOWIEf070914Dumb!Dan is outside fling his muscles and washing his car (production has the right idea) and who comes driving up the road? good Ole Lockie guess he got his drug issues taken care of because he’s back and he’s wearing the smallest pair of shorts I’ve seen on a man in a long time. Naturally the conversation goes to Danni, he wants her back…. she’s still on the fence.

Ricky and Jessica meet up and guess what they are taking about, the fact that they aren’t living together (am I the only one that is completely bored with these two?) Jess get’s upset and cries… yet again…*eye rolls*

Billie! The baby is 5 days overdue and is ready for to evict the baby. Ferne is over visiting her wearing her Glastonbury best . She’s preparing a picnic for Charlie with all his favorites… I don’t think this is gonna have a happy ending. I’m gonna give Billie a pass cause she’s super pregnant, but she was right Chloe and Elliot  do have matching Botox and matching teeth.

Diags (along with Fran) breaks the news that Grace is possibly still seeing her ex and Grace has played the player…. ooh burn! Karma is a bitch isn’t it Tom

Jasmine is back… she’s still boring and irrelevant . This whole Lockie and Danni are still in their drama, and we are all over it

Charlie comes to the picnic with ultra skinny jeans, I swear that man may never procreate…Ferne is doing her best to have a nice lunch, but Charlie pretty much tells her that it’s not working and he’s still stressed about the drama between Ferne and his sisters.

Twitter_t_TowiegemmaMandy the foot psychic is back, I understand they she has to use her feet (any FYI her pedicure is EVERYTHING) but I’m not a big fan of feet touching me, or people touching my feet. But anyhow Mandy is reading Gemma (who is in a hot tub with Jessica looking on) pretty much tells them both… shit is about to hit the fan (I could have told them that without  touching them with my feet)

Leah (Elliot’s sister) is getting a Thread Lift done while Chloe looking super grossed out…. I’m confused especially considering all the crap she’s had done to her body.

Ricky and Ferne meet up and talk about their similar situations and both agree that Elliot is an asshole that needs to mind his own business. I predict that neither relationship will last for the long haul… maybe they should consider getting together

According to Arg, Frat parties are just like American Pie…. as an American I refuse to comment on the dumbness of that. Lockie is there looking super douchy with Dumb!Dan who says nothing but eats his hotdog and Botox!Elliot. Apparently Ferne is DTF anyone… and Elliot can prove it. Ricky is talking to the guys about how he’s not living with Jessica…

At the Hen Party Harry walks up to Gemma (who knows what’s about to go down, cause Mandy the foot psychic told her) and confronts her. Gemma is instantly on the defense and calls Harry’s entire family liars. They argue. Friendship over!

Danni and Bobby commiserate over their cheating boyfriends..it’s very emotional… for Bobby

Best face of the night goes to Fern. Grace finally admits that she is still “sort of seeing her ex” and needs to tell Tom. Grace, Fran and Georgia start to argue .. allegations are made (most are true)ITV_t_TOWIEc070914

Lockie and Danni…. boring

Ferne goes to pick up Charlie at the Sugar Hut  and Elliot drops a bomb! Apparently she asked to f*ck Elliot… yuck! I will say that Ferne has an amazing poker face…that smile never left her face Elliot reminds her that a sewer rat has more class than she does. Ferne leaves completely embarrassed…at this point I think she forgot she was supposed to pick up Charlie

Until Next Time…

 

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved