Complicated

Writing

 

 

Writing Prompt: Write a new post in response to today’s one-word prompt – Complicated

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My relationships are complicated with a lot of people. We don’t talk for a long time and we become the dreaded “Facebook friends” who only say “Happy Birthday” once a year. And at first I was said and hurt, I started to wonder was it something that I had done? Did I say something wrong, did I unintentionally hurt them? And as time went on, those questions went un answered  and time moved on and we drifted  apart. Ill be honest with you maintaining friendships have always been difficult. We change, we have different experiences, we mature and as these things happen to my friends I feel like none of those things are happening to me, I stay the same, and they grow. They aren’t the same people they once were, they are successful in their jobs, getting married, having children, buying homes, and I’m still where I was 4 years ago… What on earth would we talk about? What can I lend to this friendship that (in my eyes) is no longer equal.

What complicates it is honestly jealously, I’ve always had a timeline for my life, when I would get married, when I would have kids, when I would do this and that. What I didn’t plan on was becoming a living breathing medical encyclopedia, or being disabled, or not being about to work…no plans for that… and as one illness became two, then became 10. The plan that I had for my life withered away. And I became the sick friend that really had nothing to contribute to the conversation but the latest procedure I had, or talk about the side effects of a new medicine I was taking, I became the friend that had to cancel plans at the last minute because I wasn’t feeling well. And my relationships became more complicated, instead of a friend I began to feel like a burden, so I stop calling, I stop texting, I purposely became a Facebook friend learning about their lives through a computer screen, and after a while they stop reaching out… they stop wanting to know about my life… honestly I guess the same is true, if they were curious they could learn about me from Facebook.

I have tried to reach out to some people and repair the relationship, but I think for the most part most of those have gone from “Complicated” to “Non Existent” I didn’t plan on an instant friendship, and naturally thinking the worst I was positive that the situation was going to stay the same. I guess this is a lesson for me to learn, it was never about them, it was always about me and my feelings of inadequacy. Hopefully this is something I can work on, and hopefully I can have solid friendship that won’t fall under the category of “It’s Complicated”

 

Until Next Time,

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Copyright © 2016– Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

Divide

Writing

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Writing Prompt:Write a new post in response to today’s one-word prompt. Not sure how to participate?

 

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Recently I have been thinking about my friendships with people pretty much taking a life inventory… I try to do that a every year. I have really been harping on some friendships that have ended, and trying to figure out why and how they because the way they did. And for the first time I have  taken blame in my part for the demise of those friendships.

I have always felt like people come into your life for a reason, and sometimes when they leave if that “reason” is over or resolved. But Facebook can be a bitch sometimes…. because those people who are no longer my Friends and still Facebook “friends”

I look back now and realize that if we were to every cross paths again we could never be friends, not because I’m being bitchy, or because I’m holding on to a grudge, but time has passed and I’ve grown up, I’ve grown more aware of what I need in my life, and the holes that were left when our friendship was broken is not filled with something else; maybe something better, something more beneficial, something more lasting and substantial.. I will cherish those times and those friendships…. and I now longer see a divide now…. I just see memories… and that’s okay.

And about those Facebook “friends” I haven’t unfriended them yet… but I have unfollowed them.

Until Next Time,

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Copyright © 2016– Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

Journey

Writing

 

Writing Prompt: Tell us about a journey — whether a physical trip you took, or an emotional one

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Recently I was talking to a family member about her wanted to reestablish a friendship with someone who she hadn’t been in contact with for 20 years. Talk with her about this brought of some things that I wasn’t sure (at the time) that I was ready to explore. But like she says, “when the Lord is working on you, he might be working on someone else too”. For a while now I had been thinking about past relationships and past friendships and how they ended and how they ended. For the most part I’m not happy with the way some of the friendships ended, the two that I’m thinking of basically ended in arguments and steamed from miscommunication, One I regret and realize now that I handled with very badly, the other (I might have handled it badly) but the demise of that friendship was a long time coming and something that had to be done for my mental well being.

My mom always says, “there’s a reason and a season” I’ve always felt that people come into your life for a reason. I honestly believe that we all are on a personal journey (we go on many of them through out of lifetimes) and we meet people who enhance those journeys, people who teach of us lessons through friendship, and even through betrayal and heartbreak.  And we grow from those lessons and they make us become better people and we continue on our journey and sometimes the cycle repeats.

I’m grateful for the people that I’ve met along the way, and at this point in my life I’m grateful to know that I have the ability to recognize and remove toxic people and relationships from my life. I’ve had a lot of people call my a bitch; that may be true, but I’m happy being a bitch if that means, that I refuse tolerate bullshit from anyone and only allow people who are being positivity to my life.

Everyone’s journey is different, I’m happy that mine is making me a stronger, happier person.

Until Next Time ,

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Copyright © 2015 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

The Object of My Dejection

Writing

Writing Prompt:Tell us about the object of your dejection — something you made, a masterpiece unfinished, or some sort of project that failed to meet your expectations. What did you learn from the experience? How would you do things differently next time?

One of the things that you are forced to learn when you are chronically ill is that you do the things that you can do when you can do them, now to the average healthy person may be asking, “what?!” but it’s a concept that I’ve become intimately acquainted with, things often go unfinished, postponed, or just dropped based on how I’m feeling; depending on what they are I try to get back to them, and others simply are placed on self never to be seen again..

The things that gets me every time, the thing that fails my expectations more than anything else are the people around me. I think that I expect a lot from the people around me, no I know I do. I expect them to understand my limitations and help me work around them, I know that I’m a difficult person to love, and I know my circumstances are difficult because there is no normal for them, I often feel like I go from one medical crisis to another, and I understand that from some people that might be way to much to handle (but just think about how I feel) and some people in my life have chosen simple not to deal with it. It’s funny how I they try not to make it so obvious although I’m aware of what’s happening. A people who you used to spend almost all you free time with, slowly become that person (when you call) who says “I’ll call you back” and never does and eventually they turn into a person who you haven’t spoken to in over a year who you’re still “friends” with on Facebook; and ultimately they will turn in to that friend when I’ll once say, “oh yeah, I remember him”. I’m used to failed expectations, but those hurt more than anything.

I expect a lot from the people I love, and you learn that people come into your life for a reason and a season, and just likes those projects, some of them go unfinished, postponed, and sometimes they are placed on a self never to be seen again.

Until Next Time….

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserve