Until Next Time,
Writing Prompt: Write a new post in response to today’s one-word prompt – Conceal
So yesterday morning, I went to the gym… And when you go often enough you tend to notice the regulars, you tend to notice the cliché’s (gosh it totally sounds like high school) and recognize the assholes real quick. Obviously I’m not working out at the most luxurious gym, it’s Planet Fitness, I pay 10 bucks a month and it’s a few block from my house. There is this gentlemen who I see occasionally I’m sure he goes to the gym way more than I do; but that’s another story for another time…, he’s a larger man and he always gets on the treadmill; at least that’s when I see him.
His steps are slow, but steady and he stays on for maybe less than 10 minutes, then he gets on the bikes for about 10 minutes, them moves on to something else…..Well the buff guys who work the weight machines, you know the ones, the kind of gym who bring a gallon of water with them and wear those stupid belts…. said something, not sure if it was the first time they had this conversation, but it was the first time I heard it. But something was said (I’m paraphrasing here) about how he can only stand to do five minutes,, and at that rate he’s never gonna lose weight. Then they started taunting him…I’m not sure if the gentleman heard them, but I did and it deeply disturbed me.
I’ve been fat most of my life, I’ve been fat shamed from the time I was little to family members poking my belly, to high school friends” telling me I would be pretty IF I lost weight. Hell I’ve fat shamed myself more often what is considered healthy… and let’s not even talk about how the media portrays heavier people… the point is every time I walk outside my door I know someone is judging me because I’m fat….. and it sucks.
I take a lot courage to decide you want to change your life, to decide to change the patterns of your everyday life and get healthy, it’s also not easy. I’ve been on this journey for 5 years, and I’ve had so many set backs, so many times that I’ve quit and started over, so many times that I have simply given up… because it’s easy. I don’t consider myself a confrontational person, I think for the most part I do an excellent job at keeping my emotions at bat…. but today I wanted to cry.
I wanted to cry because they weren’t just talking about that man, they were talking about me. They were talking about every fat person who got on a treadmill and went their pace until they were out of breathe. And I decided to confront them. Now this could have gone all sorts of wrong. I told them that although they had every right to express their opinion, I have the right to do them same. And how dare you judge someone for taking the exact same steps you took to better themselves. Everyone’s journey is different and happens in their own time., “What if that was your brother?”, “Do you even know his story? Have you bothered to ask?:”
And here’s what I know. People are asshole that’s never gonna change. And I can’t conceal the fact that I’m fat. My fat is a small part of who I am….but if that’s the thing you need to judge me and other people one, clearly that’s YOUR problem…. not mine. And while I’m actively working on my “problem” I have to remember a heavier version of my battled two liver transplant, two comas and sundry of medical maladies and game out the victory. And I love ME and this size and what every size I’ll be a year from now…. and there’s no shame in that.
Until Next Time,