MISSING OBJECT REPORT
On October 19, 2016 at approx. 4pm. The victim contacted the authorities regarding missing glasses. The victim states that she last remembers them on her place, and doesn’t recall taking them off. She was alerted that they were missing when she could no longer clearly see the K-drama she was watching on Drama Fever (Scarlet Heart : Ryeo).
Luckily the victim has stated the she has a second pair of glasses (which she doesn’t like as much) that she will wear until her beloved glasses are found. It should also be known that the victim has a tendency of losing her iPod, glasses of cellophane (more often then not the victim is actually speaking on her cellphone when she exclaims, “Where the heck is my phone!” Any information regarding the safe return of the victim’s glasses would be greatly appreciated.
So last night I was talking to a new guy Bachelor J (Hispanic male) straight off the bat, I like this dude is going me sexy Andy Garcia vibes… Blue color worker, seems like they kind of guy that could make me feel like a women, she tells me, “I’m a big guy, so I like my woman to have some “thickness to her” dude…. I’m your girl. I got more thickness that I currently want. So then I ask, “what would your family think if you brought a black girl home ?” (an important question when proceeding with any interracial relationship). “As long as I like her they don’t care, but it would be nice if they spoke a little Spanish since my ability speaks broken English” Once again I’m silently pointing to myself cause true story currently learning French and Spanish on Duolingo…(Any day now you make Korean live, like seriously how long are you gonna test it?)
Nearly 3 hours we chatted. I was typing, ” we should totally meet for coffee” When the text, “so let me ask you something” Holy shit, here it comes, I promptly deleted my text and respond, “sure”. At this point I’m pretty sure he’s gonna ask me how I feel about threesomes, or tell me that he still lives with his baby momma and things are “complicated”. At this point I’m steeling myself this can’t me good…
Then he asks about about the election, more specifically who voting for. DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER WILL ROBINSON…
Things I do not discuss, religion, and politics( both conversations tend to get nasty). I do lie, I had no choice…I told him, “At this point I’m still undecided, I mean it’s a tough call” his response, “a tough call, are you serious there’s only one choice (PLEASE SAY CLINTON, PLEASE, PLEASE SAY CLINTON) Trump”
One word, one fucking word and my sexy Andy Garcia dreams vanished….I gotta end this conversation NOW.
Then I thought, this dude is punking me so I ask, Are you okay voting for a man who disparages Hispanics and an immigrant families, especially considering you come from an immigrant family?” His response, ” Your family are immigrants too, and it seems like you don’t like him. Plus I’m not that kind of immigrant” I need a moment, cause I’m trying to see what the hell is going on. Should I just peace the fuck out, or should I nope….I’m in too deep. I’m need to end this conversation in the classiest and most lady-like” way..
“First off you ignorant dipshit, you can’t call people who were forcibly brought to this country against their own will immigrants….I think the correct term is slaves. Did you not tell me your family left Mexico so that you and your siblings could have better opportunities than they had… sounds exactly like the kind of immigrants Donald Trump was thinking of. YOU brought up politics, even when I told you I didn’t want to talk about it.”
His response to my tirade, “You’re a stupid bitch!”
“Oh my God, thank you for the compliment, it’s the nicest thing I’ve heard all day”
Now, he’s mad, “Go to hell!” , and because I ALWAYS have to have the latest word, “Sure, I’ll meet you there!”
Slightly amused and horrified I close the app and go to bed. Today this morning around 6am I got a notification…. from Bachelor J. “I think we got off on the wrong foot last night” Is this dude serious, did I hallucinate that entire conversation….I need to scroll and reread the conversation…nope, just as I remembered.
“No, I don’t think we did”, and then proceed to block the fucker.
So the moral of this story…. I’m a nasty woman…
Until Next Time,
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