What The F*ck? TOWIE – Ep. 8

It’s that time again…another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. So for those  two people who actually read my TOWIE posts these are for you.. previous season 12 posts can be found here , here and here. Last episode included a break-up a fashion show with no fashions… the continuation of the Ferne vs. The Simms Family drama… and the girls still haven’t made up. This post as well as the previous post photos are courtesy of Holy Moly

Episode 8 “Who Wants To Go Polo?” 

Has Chloe lightened her hair again? I don’t like it… wonder if she had someone at her shop to do it? She and Elliot are looking at houses, when she declares, “this room is really wooden”… thanks for stating the obvious Chloe, I guess no one really mistakes her for being the smart Simms sibling. Elliot and Chloe have only been dating for a short time, this are still somewhat tumultuous with the family so why would they think that now would be  a good time to move together… I don’t see this ending well at all (I wonder how the children feel about this)

Bobby looking really upset (seems like he’s had a rough night) has come over to Gemma’ to discuss the argument at the fashion show with no fashions. Bobby’s feelings are still hurt and still doesn’t really understand why Gemma can’t pick a side and stick with it. I’ve mentioned this before but it’s extremely difficult  to be friends with both parties when they are going through a breakup, it’s nearly impossible to divide your loyalties equally, so I sort of feel bad for Gemma.

NAIL POLISH SIGHTING! Diags is a poor replacement for Grace; although he seems to be enjoying his pedicure with the girls.

ITV_t_Towiea071714_thumb[1]The guys are getting ready for a polo game. Arg is telling the guys that he’s still in the friend zone and he may very well be staying there for the duration, I for one and ready for him to move on, learn how to drive, and stopping laughing like a hyena. I honestly thought that Mario was gonna pop out of the dressing room, since they were at the tailors, but I guess he hasn’t been cleared to film yet… guess that’s what happens with  drug charges…

Ferne is gushing about Billie’s baby with Jess and Ricky, conversation quickly moved on to the Charlie/Ferne saga (of course it would … that’s the only thing she has going for her right now… and I’m every single season it’s something going on with those to, I don’t how a couple with so much drama manages to stay together) she admits that she wasn’t with Charlie at the time when she proposition Elliot, so besides the fact that that it got out and embarrassed her, she was free to be proposition anyone she wanted for a quick bathroom f*ck…

ITV_t_Towiej071714_thumb[1]Grace is looking spiffy with her new hair (notice that she didn’t go to Chloe’s; just sayin’) Grace has decided that she is sick of the crap between her and Georgia and Fran and if she has to she’s ready to go toe to toe with the girls…. I had a bad feeling… something is about to happen between them… this is certainly not over.

Brother and sister meet to discuss the drama that seems to have overtaken their family. Chloe decides that she doesn’t like nature, (and I have officially decided that I have had it with her… it’s time for to shut her trap and let Charlie deal with his relationship like a man… if it’’ ends badly it’s on him, she’s given him her opinion numerous times… now it’s time to make peITV_t_Towieb071714_thumb[3]ace and move on) so why meet in a garden (clearly she forgot that she’s on a “reality” show and production that the garden would be “dramatic”) Charlie is still really upset , he doesn’t care what people think about his relationship, he simply wants his sister to accept it and for Elliot to keep his damn mouth closed… sounds simple and doable…. until the next time Charlie seems Elliot and they are back at square one…. never ending drama on this show…

At polo “posh” British people are showing off their finest threads and plastic surgeries. Vas in all his fashion-forwardness is wearing the latest in cameo tracksuit shorts combo. They are talking shit about Danni because like me she doesn’t get Vas’ fashion and thinks is looks like vomit that has been sitting in the hot summer sun. . Vas thinks she’s scum and makes some ITV_t_Towied071714_thumb[1]other cutting remarks about Danni, apparently he tried to be sly and made a passive aggressive tweet about her not being fashionable enough to understand his show… she came back with… “please, I know fashion, I’m a fashion buyer bitch… so you and your homeless chic and go suck it!” (I’m totally paraphrasing here). Before I move on Chloe makes a bitchy comment about how Ferne and her are practically wearing the same dress… I could be clueless, but Jessica’s dress is more similar to Chloe’s dress than Ferne’s is.. guess she just needed to be petty and  say something.. Gemma is wearing the latest from her collection while she and Bobby are scoping out the eye candy on the polo field. and Bobby wants a bloke that can ride him all night long, thanks for the imagery Bob.. While everyone else is stopping the diverts. Lauren and Lewis are over at the bar talking and Lewis admits that he really likes Laruen, there is a lot of smiling and complementing each other.

Arg still feels the need to go down memory lane with Lydia, he’s still pathetically in love with her and it’s a little sad; he asks Lydia to be his date to Leah’s wedding in Spain, Lydia agrees to go and tells him, they she will go only if they can have separate rooms,. Is it me or does Tom, Fran and Diags look like they have been sitting in the sun for a bit too long, or they could have a good buzz… Tom reminds us that they have free booze…. so he’s proudly double fisting it. Fran feels like Grace has changed a little bit and Lewis is a little bitch, Diags looks on, seems upset because he forgot him sunglasses.The “New” Grace is having a little chat with the “Old” Georgia and pretty much says she’s not gonna talk about it.

I think this might be the first scene that Elliot and Gemma have had all season, now we know Gemma wouldn’t be Gemma is her nose wasn’t in other people’s business… and this polo game is no exception, since she’s been dealing with the Barry drama, she hasn’t had the time to say her peace about the Ferne vs. Simms Family drama, so she sits down with Elliot who seems to busy to listen because he’s primping, but she pretty much tells him that he’s given Ferne a lot of low blows and it’s time for them to end this feud once and for all. Elliot feels like if  Ferne can keep her mouth closed this situation wouldn’t be happening, Gemma is looking at him and slightly judging him and thinking he’s full of shit .

Back on the tired peoples couch Tom decides to go over to the “New” Grace and tries to get Grace come over to talk to Fran and Diags… instead of doing so. she once again trying to explain to Tom and he doesn’t really want to hear it he just wants to girls to make up.

Apparently there is a post polo after party  (of course there is … this is TOWIE, there’s a pretty much a party every episode) Lewis walks over to Tom and Diag’s and the conversation is stilted and awkward and Diags looks like he’s had enough of the shit; he tells Lewis that he is two-faced and bitchy by add fuel to the fire between the girl…Lewis counters that there is always drama between the girls, and there’s no denying that.

Arg is having a sit down with Elliot and I think Arg might be a little drunk, he seems a little mumbled mouthed to be. And they talk about the wedding and he tells Elliot that he’s invited Elliot and they do their man talk….

Gemma ,Bobby, Charlie and Ferne go out for post polo curry, and Butch!Bobby makes an appearance …looks a lot like Regular! Bobby to me. Gemma sticks her nose in the drama (rolls eyes). She’s saying the same thing that everyone else is saying, it’s time to let it go. Charlie ITV_t_Towies071714looks like he’s on the verge of tears.

Lockie and Danni realized that they are the only people from polo who haven’t changed…Danni is totally digging the Italian gangster look. Jasmine makes her required appearance and brings up the whole Vas/Jas/Paz situation….lol . Ricky thinks that there is something more going on than the whole Lydia and Arg situation, apparently Lydia feels like they are together sometimes, without the whole pesty sex thing… she admits that’s she’s not ruling out getting back together… which means next season they will be back together…

Fran and Georgia walk up to each other and Fran looks tired, guess being out in the sun does that to a person…Grace doesn’t feel like Fran has been a good friend… telling her that she bitches behind her back and she doesn’t trust Fran, she no longer considered Fran a friend anymore, the whole time Fran is utterly confused. According the Grace Fran is a hypocrite because she was sleeping with someone else when her and Diags got together, and this sets Fran off. Grace storms off and Fran calls her a “f*cking bitch”

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The next episode should be lots’ of fun…. can’t wait. For those of you who are unable to see the current season of TOWIE in your area… season 12 is now on HULU, and they finally got a clue and decided to air this years Marbs special…

Until Next Time…

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

What The F*ck? TOWIE – Ep. 7

It’s that time again…another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. So for those  two people who actually read my TOWIE posts these are for you.. previous season 12 posts can be found here and here. The week the deli finally opened , we learned that , Chloe can’t make a sandwich to save her life, Grace pretty much did to Tom what Tom has done to every girl he’s dated on TOWIE, The Ferne and Charlie saga continues, Jessica cried , Billie is ready to pop out her baby and remains a ray of sunshine. Gemma remains in the middle of the drama Barry is still on rocky ground and Georgia, Grace and Fran had a three way argument.

Episoide7 “Sign the damn Prenup!”

Wait! Harry has his own shop? Does Harry’s World sell se toys or something, no? BOORING another store selling clothes.

Lockie and Danni are at the zoo, these two argue about the correct pronunciation on the word lemur, honestly it’s like a meeting with dumb and dumber. Danni then reminds Lockie how f*cked up their relationship was in the past and in order for things to then to get back together things defiantly need to change.

Over at Chloe’s Elliot stands around looking the douchy ass butt he is while Chloe prepares the shop for the day. Arg walks in and brings up Ferne; because clearly he has nothing else to discuss… so naturally the shit talking begins and Arg starts to laugh like a freakin’ hyena, after he’s done laughing it up he causally mentions that Lauren and Vas are having a fashion show (like the care) Chloe proudly  says that she would rather her vagina be dry… wait that’s not what she said; darn it, she actually said that she’d rather see paint dry… but honestly the  vagina line was way funnier .

Grace has asked Tom to come to the park for a chat. She admits that she is still  in contact with her ex-boyfriend (Tom knew that already, hell everyone in their circle knew that…. you know gossip spreads like wild-fire) Tom’s is feeling like he was played by Grace…Grace starts to cry (I’m confused as to why) as expected the conversation moves to an argument that Grace has with Georgia and Fran. Tom says something to the effect, “I don’t know what you argued; no one really cares”. Tom is over the entire situation and I’m seriously over Tom’s pink shorts.

Bobby announces that maybe he was a bit too hasty is his decision to take Harry back. He no longer trusts Harry and thinks they should break up once and for all (sad face) . Harry is devastated, and so am I, honestly I was looking forward to more matching summer attire, R.I.P Barry…you never really had a chance.

ITV_t_TOWIEq071414Ricky is out shopping with his mum… and  it literally take six seconds for him to start talking about Jessica and how they ate not living together. I’m over this , this story has gone beyond anything that I can stand and anytime here on out I refuse to write about it.

Danni and Lockie seem happy walking around the zoo , things seem like they are going well until Dannie starts to list off all the ways Lockie made her fell during their relationship and all the drama he caused; she then presents him with a “prenup” or a contract from their relationship. He has to sign it or their relationship can’t go any further, so like mature adults they both spit in their hands and kiss; then Danni in all her white jean gloriousness falls in the bushes behind her with a lovely elephant looking on.

I’m not sure if Charlie’s is open for business, every time they show it , Ferne is the only person there. Elliot Wright is he topic of conversation for the lovebirds. He’s a total douche butt and Charlie has had enough of him. And honestly I really want to know if there is any truth to the whole “Let’s F*ckn in the Toilets” drama.

Dumb!Dan is at the gym with Lockie talking about the relationship contract. Seriously Dumb!Dan  can barley form a sentence without laughing… he is seriously becoming as useless as Jasmine.ITV_t_TOWIEb071414

Arg is learning to drive for the 784th time and Lydia is doing a good deed by attempting to teach him. It instantly becomes sexual (for Arg) and he tells her that safety vest is turning him on….. let’s be honest a taco, fish and chips, a slice of cake, and Nanny Pat’s sausage plait turns him on as well. At this point I don’t think that he’s even trying; there is no way that a grown man is that dim. During the lunch break Lydia asks Arg his other life goals. Arg tells her he hopes for kids and a family home all the while lovingly glazing into Lydia’s eyes… she’s not having any of it.

Lewis meets up with Grace (I don’t know why) to talk about the argument. Grace is upset that they were talking about her behind her back… I’m screaming at the top of my lungs, THIS IS TOWIE EVERYONE TALKS SHIT ABOUT EVERYONE BEHIND THEIR BACK!

Charlie walks into Chloe’s like a boss, (and matching Chloe and Elliot) he grabs a seat ignored Chloe and tells Elliot that he’s tired of him being reckless with his mouth and to stay in his lane. Elliot says he’s done with the situation (how many times has he said that?) and I don’t believe one word he says; I don’t think Charlie is buying it either, Chloe can’t deal with not being included and starts to cry… boo-hoo.

At the fashion show titled, “Lauren and Vas: Unzipped (how original) Vas has gotten a haircutITV_t_TOWIEj071414 for the special occasion while everyone gathers for a good Essex party … which will only mean one thing DRAMA!

Lockie takes Dumb!Dan’s advice and makes changes to the contract, Danni’s annoyed but reluctantly agrees to sign it, thus bringing us another chapter of the Danni/Lockie saga.

Ricky and Jessica are on the screen…. he looks odd without his beard

Wow, I think Lewis and I have the same pants –   No BUENO. Lewis tells this girls to stop being bullies and start being better friends. I’m not impressed by any of the clothes at the fashion show…. and you can tell they put a lot of money in it  just by looking at the plastic cups people are holding… guess it goes with the homeless chic them Vas is pushing .

Meanwhile Fran and Charlie are having dinner when Fran want to celebrate because Billie has had her baby girl. CHEERS TO BILL! Ferne tells Charlie what happened at the Frat party, In Walks Elliot and his sister Leah… the tension is thick and the conversation immediately stops.

Back at the fashion show with horrible fashions. Gemma and Bobby have a go at each other. Bobby is upset (what else is new?) because Gemma has finally made peace with Harry, and went over to his place and enjoyed a BBQ with the family; Bobby is feeling hurt and begins to question Gemma’s loyalty. Once again someone in Gemma’s gay entourage is pissed at her. Bobby mentioned the words that destroy every relationship, “egg salad”!

At the restaurant Elliot decided to go over to Charlie and Ferne’s table to bury the hatchet (right in Ferne’s back). Ferne ugly cries…..

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For those of you who are unable to see the current season of TOWIE in your area… season 12 is now on HULU, and they finally got a clue and decided to air this years Marbs special…

Until Next Time…

tyra signature

Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

What The F*ck?–TOWIE eps. 5 and 6

Here we go again, another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. Now if you need a reminder Arg got Friend-zoned, Harry and Bobby are still broken up, and new couples seem to popping up…yet I don’t think any of them are gonna last (photos on the blog today are courtesy of Holy Moly

Episode 5

“Drama at the Deli”

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Billie!

The boys are together flying some sort of contraption and giving Arg shit about being in the friend-zone, they guys seem to be sympathizing with him, especially Diags, but let’s face it … if anyone deserves to be FZ’d it’s Arg, he has the maturity of an ant. tom thinks he’s found the right woman in Grace… haven’t we heard that before…

The girls are hanging out helping Billie pack and looking over baby clothes, when all of the sudden Billie starts to feel some pain…. but never fear it’s a rouse to wind up Gemma… Jessica is still talking about living on her own, I’m confused, she wanted to live alone so why the hell is she crying about not living with Ricky *eye rolls*

Barry finally meets up for ice cream, and serious relationship conversation on the beach. They are gonna move forward….without promises (whatever that means) Let’s be honest I don’t care what problems they have ..two fabulous gay men need to get together… that’s it, that’s all.

Are you serious? This damn deli isn’t open yet? What the hell is taking so long… don’t they know there are a lot of hungry people in Brentwood production is gonna need another location for drama and fights to happen? Maybe I spoke to soon, cause Chloe and  Elliot walk it and the temperature instantly drops… seems Ferne and Chloe are still on the outs as evidence my the eye rolls and not speaking directly at one another… Chloe sure is losing friends left and right..

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Vas and Lauren visit Lydia in her shop, and apparently Vas is totally into homeless chic… while the girls favor Festival chic… the only thing I can say is Vas is doing his best Pharrell Williams impression… What The F*ck?

Here’s Dumb!Dan working out with his chick on the side Georgia. Dan flex’s his man boobs, much to Georgia, Fran and Grace’s enjoyment…I am enjoying the look of total confusion and bewilderment on Dumb!Dan’s face which the girls are chatting about Grace’s date with Tim… I bet he’s wondering when he became on of the girls… just sit there with your mouth close and continue to flex Dumb!Dan

The most awkward sandwich making ever is currently happening at the deli. Chloe and Ferne are sitting right next to each other and completely ignoring one another… did I happen to mention that they are the only two people in the building  (the boys when to go workout… but I think production wanted another catfight ), but damn it Billie walks in full of sunshine and roses… and naturally Ferne is about to talk shit about Chloe white she’s in the back…let’s be honest they were some shitty looking sandwiches… but as loud as they are talking I’m sure Chloe hears them

Eye f*cking between Lewis and Lauren with Vas being an awkward third (still wearing that fugly hate) Apparently as long as Vas is impressed with Lauren’s future beau it’s al good. Lewis in the nicest way possible tells Vas to go “F*ck Off” While he attempts to finally ask Lauren out on a date

Nanny Pat … I love this woman, since Mark is gone she’s not feeding anyone like she did back in Season 2. go to visit Jessica in her new apartment… and once again Jess is crying about living alone… I think she might be on her period…

Good God, Mr. Darcy is huge! And let’s be honest he’s f*ckin’ ugly and mean looking. I will admit he was quite cute when he was a piglet..

Then we get an amusement park montage of Barry…there is fun and cuddles… let’s move on

Back at Jessica’s mom and gran are still consoling her when Danni and Karen stop by, apparently Karen has some issues with Gemma (who doesn’t) and her roll in the Barry breakup. Apparently she plans to confront her and the deli opening….DRAMA!

Finally the Deli is open and it’s clear that Charlie has borrowed once of Vas’ hat and he want’s everyone to know, he’s back, with a bang, with a deli!” I will say this is the fanciest deli opening I’ve ever seen… but we all know everything is in excess here on TOWIE. We meet Demi… the other Simms sibling (I didn’t know she existed…She looks nothing like Chloe, but then again Chloe has had some much work done, she resembles no one… and once again they instantly start talking shit about Ferne once Charlie leaves.

White is apparently the color that everyone is wearing tonight, because Lauren is wearing a cute little white dress on her date with Lewis (who is doing his best impression of a oily, mumble mouthed Gatsby)

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While Gemma is giving Jessica relationship advice Karen comes over and attempts to give Gemma the business about the whole Barry situation… but she cries instead. Karen’s give the best advice ever, “Let’s both stay out of it” and in true Gemma Collins fashion she replies, “I’m 33 and Fabulous” bitch please….

Episode 6

“Talking shit behind your back”

Everything seems to be nice and peaceful in TOWIE land… but we all know that’s gonna last for a minute

Over at Chloe’s (the salon not the person) Chloe and Gemma ogle Mr. Wright’s ass, Chloe reminds us that it’s time for more Botox because, she’s not into expressions (she’s not into looking natural either) then they proceed to get down to business… taking shit about Ferne, if Ferne has a nickel for every time someone talked crap about her she’d be a rich woman.

Jessica is having lunch with her mom and cousin discussing her wedding… once again she’s complaining about her living situation with Rick…I’m over it.

The guys get together for a little game of tennis, Arg still in the friend-zone but wants it to be much more, apparently Lydia is gonna help him learn to drive (it’s totally her turn, because 5 people have tried to teach him before….)

Barry are shopping for something to wear at yet another party.. Gemma’s name pop’s up (no one is surprised)

ITV_t_TOWIEf070914Dumb!Dan is outside fling his muscles and washing his car (production has the right idea) and who comes driving up the road? good Ole Lockie guess he got his drug issues taken care of because he’s back and he’s wearing the smallest pair of shorts I’ve seen on a man in a long time. Naturally the conversation goes to Danni, he wants her back…. she’s still on the fence.

Ricky and Jessica meet up and guess what they are taking about, the fact that they aren’t living together (am I the only one that is completely bored with these two?) Jess get’s upset and cries… yet again…*eye rolls*

Billie! The baby is 5 days overdue and is ready for to evict the baby. Ferne is over visiting her wearing her Glastonbury best . She’s preparing a picnic for Charlie with all his favorites… I don’t think this is gonna have a happy ending. I’m gonna give Billie a pass cause she’s super pregnant, but she was right Chloe and Elliot  do have matching Botox and matching teeth.

Diags (along with Fran) breaks the news that Grace is possibly still seeing her ex and Grace has played the player…. ooh burn! Karma is a bitch isn’t it Tom

Jasmine is back… she’s still boring and irrelevant . This whole Lockie and Danni are still in their drama, and we are all over it

Charlie comes to the picnic with ultra skinny jeans, I swear that man may never procreate…Ferne is doing her best to have a nice lunch, but Charlie pretty much tells her that it’s not working and he’s still stressed about the drama between Ferne and his sisters.

Twitter_t_TowiegemmaMandy the foot psychic is back, I understand they she has to use her feet (any FYI her pedicure is EVERYTHING) but I’m not a big fan of feet touching me, or people touching my feet. But anyhow Mandy is reading Gemma (who is in a hot tub with Jessica looking on) pretty much tells them both… shit is about to hit the fan (I could have told them that without  touching them with my feet)

Leah (Elliot’s sister) is getting a Thread Lift done while Chloe looking super grossed out…. I’m confused especially considering all the crap she’s had done to her body.

Ricky and Ferne meet up and talk about their similar situations and both agree that Elliot is an asshole that needs to mind his own business. I predict that neither relationship will last for the long haul… maybe they should consider getting together

According to Arg, Frat parties are just like American Pie…. as an American I refuse to comment on the dumbness of that. Lockie is there looking super douchy with Dumb!Dan who says nothing but eats his hotdog and Botox!Elliot. Apparently Ferne is DTF anyone… and Elliot can prove it. Ricky is talking to the guys about how he’s not living with Jessica…

At the Hen Party Harry walks up to Gemma (who knows what’s about to go down, cause Mandy the foot psychic told her) and confronts her. Gemma is instantly on the defense and calls Harry’s entire family liars. They argue. Friendship over!

Danni and Bobby commiserate over their cheating boyfriends..it’s very emotional… for Bobby

Best face of the night goes to Fern. Grace finally admits that she is still “sort of seeing her ex” and needs to tell Tom. Grace, Fran and Georgia start to argue .. allegations are made (most are true)ITV_t_TOWIEc070914

Lockie and Danni…. boring

Ferne goes to pick up Charlie at the Sugar Hut  and Elliot drops a bomb! Apparently she asked to f*ck Elliot… yuck! I will say that Ferne has an amazing poker face…that smile never left her face Elliot reminds her that a sewer rat has more class than she does. Ferne leaves completely embarrassed…at this point I think she forgot she was supposed to pick up Charlie

Until Next Time…

 

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved