What The F*ck? – TOWIE Ep. 11

Is this show over yet? So much unnecessary drama…another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. So for those  two people who actually read my TOWIE posts these are for you..  Season 12 posts can be found here: 1-45-6 , 7, 8 , 9 and 10. This post photos are courtesy of Holy Moly

In the last episode Arg and  and burger nipples got their heart broken when Lydia (pretty much) told him to close his damn mouth closed….everyone doesn’t really need to know that they are having sex, and they are no longer friends with benefits, and of course there was a a wedding and love was in the air in Spain and in Essex where Gemma had a blind date with a younger man who she had previously kissed before (and totally forgot)

Here we go….

Episode 11Arg and the Wedding”

Wait Arg is finally moving out, I thought that he found a place last season…. well good for him, he sure didn’t forget to pack his “I Love Lydia” scrapbook with him. Pat inquires about how things went in Spain, Arg things overall they went well but now another girl has come out of the wood work and said that something that happened between her and Arg three years ago so now Lydia isn’t talking to him again. His mom thinks there are only so many times a person can say sorry (I tend to agree, but how about not cheating so you don’t have to say sorry all the time… just a thought)

Gemma can always rely on Bobbie for a good rub down. Gemma exclaims that she’s not desperate (wish I could insert a picture of my face) and Bobby agrees, then in the next breathe she happily mentions that she’s having lunch with Arg (cause we all know that she still has feelings for him…. and I seriously don’t understand why) apparently he’s finally cashing in on the date that he “won” at Gemma’s Bingo party…. (now we get ,more deets on Arg’s discretion) rumor has it that Arg had a threesome (once again I wish you could see my face) I agree with Gemma, if he’s so serious (or wants to be serious) with Lydia why is it so difficult for him to grow up?

Chloe, Greasy!Elliot and Ricky are at a restaurant having a chat about the wedding. I will say that it’s nice that Ricky and Elliot have out their difference aside, well enough to gossip…okay let me get this right Carole had a little too much to drink and the wedding and Leah and her ad words… which is awful, no one wants to reign in their drunk aunt at their wedding. So Elliot decides it a good idea to video chat with his sister on her honeymoon, because that’s always a good time to chat about family dysfunction. Leah tells them she hasn’t spoken to Carole or Jessica since the wedding and she feels bad about it and would have preferred to avoid the entire situation… I’m sure Carole and Jessica will be telling their side of the story… but good thing is Ricky says he’s not gonna get involved (which is good… someone of this show can finally mind their own ITV_t_TOWIEe072814business)

Lydia stops by to visit her sister Georgia who sitting in the garden reading her magazine. I will say this … I really do like Lydia’s hair, I think that she looks so much better with her hair darker and toned down makeup . apparently the sisters haven’t been talking over Lydia’s decision to get back together with Arg…the thought of them having sex makes Georgia sick to her stomach (I’m agree) . Must have made for awkward family dinners, since mom is clearly “Team Arg”  Georgia reminds Lydia that Arg is a pathological liar and you may never know how many people he has slept with.

Another person on TOWIE has opened a store… what is it with these assholes opening stores? this time it’s Danni and she’s naming her store… Danni (how original) . Useless!Jasmin is there and so is Dumb!Dan along with Locke… and honestly I think the only thing he has done so far was laugh.. Useless!Jasmin jokes that none of the mannequinsITV_t_TOWIEp072814 looks like her, while Dan says she should just stand in the window …  God Lord, here we go another party… and another fashion show…. cause we I agree she has the personality of a mannequin I get that they come from well off backgrounds, but seriously it feels like every person on the show has a shop, yet we rarely see them working in said shop…just standing around holding clothes… well this time it’s Danni, and she get’s her friends to help her with the store opening of her new shop she unimaginatively named Danni….

Lauren stops by Lewis bachelor pad that he’s currently sprucing up with a fresh coat of paint, although she’s not helping, she is instructing him about proper painting etiquette.
Naturally things after you normal., so they have to start talking about someone. Lewis thinks that Danni was rude to Lauren, and Lauren in all her blondness just doesn’t get it.

Carole popped over to Jessica’s to gossip, when finally hear more about what happened at the wedding, Arg apparently was joking a bit too far with Carole (Arg goes a bit too far with everyone) Carole blames Arg for everything as she says, “he’s not intelligent enough to think before he speaks”…ouch! Ricky joins the conversation and the Arg blame continues… I really want to hear what Arg has to say about this, but I have to say I’m super impressed that Ricky is keeping his mouth closed.

Debbie joins her daughters to talk about Arg… seems like everyone is talking about him today.. I wonder if his ears are burning? Georgia thinks that Arg can’t ever do anything bad in his eyes.  Georgia finds it very bizarre that Debbie has such a good relationship with Arg, after all the horrible things that he ‘’s done to her daughter, honestly I have to agree…  if you cheat and humiliate my daughter, you can’t just call for a chat and pop over for some tea asking me what you need to do to get her back…I like this Georgia … she makes a lot of sense.

WAIT I’m confused! Jessica designs clothing? How did I miss that? I thought that she was a singer…Ricky and Jess are in her studio. Ricky is looking over sketches; that I’m sure she paid someone else to draw and she playing with clothing… what is it with everybody, you get on television for five  minutes and instantly you’re a designer, or a stylist… like are you for real, but I forget that all these people come from privileged backgrounds maybe their way of contributing to the world is through fashion (totally sounds like something Vas would say). The wedding continues to be topic of conversation.  Ricky convinces Jessica to call Leah in Spain while she’s still on her honeymoon… and she wants to know how Leah is feeling about the whole wedding situation. Leah sounds a bit standoffish, she doesn’t want to talk to Jessica and it’s totally clear. She has a right to b upset. people were acting an ass at her wedding, her friends and family were acting an ass.. I would be pissed off at the whole lot of them, but I think that Jessica feels like it wasn’t her fault and Leah shouldn’t be made at her…. now let me ask you this, why do they keep calling her on her honeymoon? Honestly I would have waited until the situation cooled down and contacted her when she returned home, but this is TOWIE so you gotta have a bot of drama for the cameras.

Over at the deli (man I’m hungry) Chloe and Charlie are talking about the wedding… cause that’s all people are talking about the wedding and Arg. Chloe and Elliot have only been together for 8 weeks… she calls him her soul mate (are you serious?… already?)

SKATING!!! Tom, Fran and Diags (cause you know Tom is always there) and wait Lydia is there to, so it’s not totally awkward… how long do you think it’s gonna talk for the conversation to get to Arg? As long as it took me to type that last sentence… Lydia tells the gang that she and Arg had an argument, and if I didn’t love Diags more he says what everyone who is watching this show said “what else I new” .  Naturally his boys have his back and Lydia is still feeling the pressure between her family and her feelings.

Gemma and Arg on having their date at  Burger Bar and naturally they are talking about him and his threesome and how it’s affecting his relationship with Lydia.. Trust issues….blah, blah, blah. Gemma thinks that it karma biting him back in the ass. Gemma is giving him some hard core advice to go and finally get his woman. Lay it on the line ITV_t_TOWIEa072814and if she rejects you, it’s time to walk away and finally move on. While they are enjoying their meal Georgia (Lydia’s sister) walks in and from the look on Gemma’s face I know that a conversation is gonna be had…Georgia really want  Arg to take a step back before he really hurts Lydia (hasn’t he already done that… many times?) Arg seems remorseful and really confused about why Lydia is upset about old news… the issue remains trust. (I can’t get over the eye rolling coming from Gemma) Arg needs to learn to stand up for his self, all he keeps saying is “I’m sorry”. Georgia doesn’t seem all that convinced, and honestly I’m not either if he loves Lydia like he’s telling everyone he should have spoken up a little bit more

I never knew how long and lanky Vas was until I saw him on skates. Lauren and Vas discuss Danni’s opening and both of the are confused about why she has drama with Lauren..

Danni is modeling her clothing and I had a serious flashback of Amy ad her modeling days. That party is gonna be glamorous and all about fashion. we finally learn why Danni is so pissy with Lauren, apparently Lauren has been “muggy” towards her… well yeah, you made her gay best friend cry… I would  muggy with you to.  Danni doesn’t appreciate that Lauren was making fun of her behind her back

It’s party time… or should I say drama time (whenever there’s a party you know drama is right behind it). Danni is wear this chocker that is huge, at first glance I thought that it was a harness… geez. Lockie (newly bald ass and all) is happy that’s able to share this with Danni (cause you know she’s forgiven him and he signed the relationship contract and everything). Lewis seems woefully underdressed and since he’s totally in love with Lauren he feels the need to go and defend Lauren, which hasn’t he learned that she should stay out of it when it concerns the girls. Arg tells Greasy!Elliot and Ricky that Lydia has trust issues when it comes to him and thinks that he’s a compulsive liar… I do too honestly, Arg lies about EVERYTHING! Lydia is outside having second thoughts about seeing Arg, so she decides to go home, she doesn’t want to deal with him; which means Arg is gonna have to go to her place and beg.

Chloe is in the bathroom applying her makeup and Ferne walks in… I don’t know what’s gonna happen but I’m super excited to see the two of them on the screen together..  I will say that Ferne looks really pretty in her dress… both are standing in the mirror and they both exchange awkward complements with one another… boo-hoo I was hoping ITV_t_TOWIEj072814for one final show down with the two of them… yay for maturity (sarcasm!) While Danni is dismissing the extras her models.. Lauren walk up ready to join the party, but it’s over… she says that she’s just coming to pick up Lewis, and Danni thinks it’s a good time to have conversation…. honestly they are talking so fast I can’t even follow… Danni tells Lauren there’s a reason she doesn’t have friends and she’s totally irreverent.

Jessica is on a war path … and it leads right to Arg. Arg says that he had a few drinks and they  (Carole) always go back and forth, apparently him calling Carole a pushy mom was a bit to much… let’s be honest Carole is a bit pushy… have we forgotten how she was during the whole Wrights vs. Ricky situation…this family loves to gang up on people. All of this bull shit over a microphone and letting someone sing.. it’s ridiculous. Elliot being a stand up guy tells Jessica that Arg can’t be blamed for the entire situation (EXACTLY!!) . Carole was drunk and started talking crap to Leah..here’s a word of advice… don’t drink so much. Maybe someone should ask Leah who she thinks is to blame??

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Until Next Time….

tyra signature

Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

What The F*ck ?–TOWIE Ep. 10

Is this show over yet? So much unnecessary drama…another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. So for those  two people who actually read my TOWIE posts these are for you..  Season 12 posts can be found here: 1-45-6 , 7, 8 and 9. This post photos are courtesy of Holy Moly

Last episode Arg and Lydia had sex and Arg told everyone with the ability to hear. Billie introduced her baby to the world and Gemma broke down in tears… everyone else has drama (what else is new?)  At this point I’m exhausted, I’m so sick of all these recycled storylines…. but here we go to episode 8 10(See I don’t even know at this point)…. Leah’s Wedding…

Episode 10 “White Wedding”

Shopping makes everything okay… according to Vas and Lauren, honestly having a conversation like adults and saying, “I’m sorry” might work a little better, but then again, I have a tiny thread of common sense.

While most of the crew is in Spain, Bobby, Gemma and Ferne are having a sit down  and having tea… probably correctly assuming that there will be drama in Spain. At Eduardo’s the Wrights with Lydia and Chloe  are discussing the wedding and Leah has a bit of pre-wedding Jitters…. she doesn’t want people to look at her… here’s a tip, when you walk I have everyone to close ITV_t_TOWIEa072414their eyes until you get to the alter. I might be a little cynical here, but usually a woman’s wedding is one of the few times when a woman wants all eyes on here… I’m not saying that she doesn’t have pre-wedding jitters… but honestly… get the f*ck outta here… what was the point…While Leah is crying it’s literally too much for Elliot to take so he excuses himself to hang out with the guys. Chloe decides it’s a good time to get in good with the family and starts to gush about Elliot.(now don’t get me wrong I genuinely like Chloe and Elliot together) then the conversation goes to Lydia and Arg… Jess makes the assumption because there will be alcohol that sex will be happening ; although Lydia find the conversation a bit uncomfortable I frankly find the assumption valid.

Back in Essex Gemma admits that she had a bit of a break down, she says that it’s not about Arg.. she feels like she’s never gonna have a happy ending, and she feels like it’s game-over for her. So Gemma and Bobby decide to set Gemma up on a blind date. Gemma perks up immediately and proclaims, “I want Danny Dyer, I want Danny Dyer, he’s a geezer!” (I had to look him up, had no clue who he was… apparently he’s an actor on East Enders… I’m excited about this.

Vas wants to know the appropriate way to ask someone to be their boyfriend or girlfriend after the age of 14…. this is a very good question and I would seriously like to know… Lauren has a problem with Lewis telling people that they’ve slept together… I think that she might have a bit amnesia, isn’t that they way things happen on this show… seriously, What The F*ck Lauren? …

Obstacle course with a bit of army flair is on tap for Georgia, Tom, Diags and Fern (are Tom and Georgia dating? I think they would b cute together… and I honestly like to see when friends become more… )They seem to be having a good time. As they take a break and taking a break from the drama, they do the only sensible thing bring up the people who is the crux of the drama… Grace.  Apparently Fern called her ex and he said that he’s never ever heard of Grace before…even though the entire accusation about Fran cheating is ridiculous, I find the fact that she called her  hilarious… Tom feels that Grace is a shit starting, while I feel most of the people on this show could fall into that category. Grace has become the black hole of Essex.

ITV_t_TOWIEw072414At Café Essex what an originally name. Vas literally runs into Danni, and I honestly feel bad to Vas, it was like as soon as he saw Danni he looked like he was on the verge of tears. Vas apologized about the scum comment, Danni admitted that she was very angry and a but humiliated and she said some things that she probably shouldn’t have said. I think I said this in my last post that Vas was projecting a little bit, I’m glad that he was able to talk to Danni, and be able to set this matter at rest. I’m incredibly sad that Vas had to go through what he did, but I think that this is a start to a better relationship with Danni and Vas and maybe this incident will b the catalyst for Vas to get some help for things that have happened in the past…that was deep.

Back in Spain (man does this cast love Spain) Ricky, Eliot and Arg are drinking. Arg being the complete idiot that he is he admits that he left his suit back home and that caused Arg and Lydia to have an argument, but then the next day they fooled around. This seems par for the course for these two. Lydia says she’’ doesn’t want a relationship with him but sleep with him then they have this back and forth…

It’s time for the wedding and in the background they are playing one of my favorite songs (Christina Perri –  A Thousand Years) and instantly I’m like aww…the wedding was very pretty. Arg didn’t even attempt to buy a new suit. During the reception Elliot and Chloe are still on a wedding high, discussing the wedding. And I’m wondering if Elliot has always been that greasy, because he’s the only one sweating like a pig. Despite not having a suit Arg and Lydia are color coordinated very nicely. Arg wants a Essex wedding while Lydia would enjoy a hippie wedding with no makeup… as soon as Lydia said it… Arg instantly changed his mind and decided that’s the wedding he wants to. Lydia ITV_t_TOWIEm072414(while talking to Ricky and Jess) tells them that her and Arg aren’t gonna be together like they are now. Ricky thinks that she’s in love with him and she’s messing with his head, and in the end Arg is gonna end up deeply hurt…. for once I agree with Ricky. It’s time for the wedding toss…and naturally Chloe catches the bouquet… cause that wasn’t planned at all. Chloe and Elliot dance to Adele (the music is fantastic!) apparently they get to have a dance to themselves… man that family is really pushing to marry Elliot off. Elliot admits that he’s completely and totally in love with Chloe and Maddie ; it’s a sweet moment. But of course that feeling is gonna go to shit because Arg and Lydia is having a conversation. Arg is calling Lydia to task. apparently she’s a lot different in private than she is in public, she’s really upset that everyone knows every single aspect of their relationship because of Arg’s big fat mouth… things begin to escalate quickly. Arg apologizes but Lydia feels like they need to just be friends with no benefits… and I totally didn’t see that happening (said no one EVER!)

Back in Essex it looks like Ferne is cold calling for a blind date for Gemma, I’m not sure if this is sad or completely hilarious

I finally understand what a back, sack and crack is… Lockie is getting his hairy ass waxed…. no ITV_t_TOWIEn072414wonder he didn’t look to thrilled when he won a date with bobby… let’s be honest Lockie really needed it. Lauren goes to visit Lewis house and decides that his place isn’t as bachelor pad-ish as she thought that it was. Lauren wants to make sure that Lewis isn’t gonna go off and blab every time they have sex…  Doesn’t she know guys gossip just as bad as girls do.

Harry is helping Gemma get ready for her date. She doesn’t want to wear a jeweled caftan… and I don’t understand why… she wears them all the time. I wish that Gemma would realized that she should go into this with very little expectations and just to have a good time…

I swear I can spot Debbie’s hair from a mile away, and if she’s on the screen that can only mean one thing. Lydia is calling her… and I was wrong… cause it’s Arg. Didn’t Lydia ask her mother not to discuss her relationship with Arg… but naturally she doesn’t listen and starts talking… Gemma is at the restaurant  with the instructions to look out for a geezer in a white shirt… so naturally a parade of men with white shirts walk in… one’s too buff, one’s too short , one’s really cute, but he’s not it… finally Mr. Blind Date comes in with a flower in his hand. Gemma ITV_t_TOWIEs072414smiles… so far this is going well. He introduced himself as Gino. Gino met Ferne back in Vegas….uhmm . Gemma and Gino have met before, they kissed at the Sugar Hut. Things were going well, but she thinks he should be older… I’m not understanding this… she’s never cared in the past.

Dumb!Dan makes his required appearance in the episode… and those far he’s talked about three complete sentence. And because they don’t have lives of their own, they talk about Lydia and Arg… and as dumb as Dan is he actually says something intelligent. He also thinks that Arg is gonna end up hurt.

Dannie walks up to the bar, and like a villain in an old classic movie turns to greet Danni slowly… seriously I watch this show for moments like this. Danni is not in the mood to talk and walks away.  Vas mentions he world girlfriend… and the look on Lewis’s face is hilarious, it’s almost like the idea never occurred to him.

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Can you believe that we still have more episodes to watch…. geez

Until Next Time…

tyra signature

Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

What The F*ck? TOWIE – Ep. 9

It’s that time again…another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. So for those  two people who actually read my TOWIE posts these are for you..  Season 12 posts can be found here: 1-45-6 , 7 and 8. This post photos are courtesy of Holy Moly

Episode 8 “Tell The World Tour Hits Essex”

The episode opens with Lockie’s bare ass and the hideous tattoo that he got in Las Vegas….. it’s never as good thing when your girlfriend laughs at your naked body.

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Fran, Diags, Ferne and Charlie are enjoying various outdoor activities…

Meanwhile Lydia is making breakfast in bed for Arg.. WHAT?!! Apparently the two of them sent the night … and the next morning making sweet passionate love; they spend the the net day joking and enjoying their post coital bliss. I knew this was gonna happen…. eventually.. but I also don’t think this is a relationship that has a lot of lasting power but then again, but then again I could be wrong…. Is Lydia still living with her mother?… That would making for an awkward morning after.

Great… we get a close up of Lockie’s hairy ass wet and soapy in the shower… ITV why do we need to see that? I am a bit curious about the camera work here… is there a shower cam or doesn’t the camera man actually film him through the glass, either way… YUCK! Once her get’s out the the shower the conversation immediately goes to Vas and him calling Danni sum… all because she doesn’t like his collection. She says, “even though he dresses like a woman, he still a man” and what he did was wrong.

Diags and Fran are sitting in a meadow reliving their favorite Twilight scene.. they spend their time together talking about Lewis and apparently Fran’s favorite word today is f*ck. People on this show will talk a point into the ground… how many times can you talk about the same thing over and over again; but before Diags can talk about the situation for the 200th time he gets a text from Arg telling him that he has something important to tell him. no doubt he’s going to spill the beans about what happened between him and Lydia

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Arg doesn’t do the walk of shame, nope…. he does the happy dance all the way home. This man is so happy that he does his best Michael Jackson moves for the people on the street… He’s so happy in fact that production made sure to play Pharell’s Happy while he was dancing home.

Over on the other side of town Chloe, Gemma, Bobby and Elliot are sitting down enjoying breakfast, while Gemma tells them about her latest party…. Bingo!! Elliot has never played bingo, while everyone else seems super excited about the blobbers than anything else. Elliot doesn’t see the point of playing a game that you can’t cheat in. Gemma asks about the house hunting; because honestly she’s the only one that cares at this point. Chloe admits that last night they officially because boyfriend and girlfriend… which I think is beyond odd because who looks for houses with someone they are not in an official relationship with; and because everyone has babies on the brain Gemma asks, “who’s gonna be the first on in the family to have a baby?” (Did Gemma forget the Chloe and Elliot already have children?) and then she adds fuel to the fire (that’s nearly gone out) “Ferne is ready to have a baby”… great going Gemma… seems Elliot has finally learned his lesson and decided to keep his mouth close; thus keeping family peace…. at least for now.

THREAD IT THROUGH! Ferne repeats this like ten times. Charlie and Ferne are going camping and getting the tent set up seem to be a bit of a problem; but don’t worry he brings the essentials because he’s such a boy scout

  • FIRE – a lighter
  • FOOD – chips from his deli
  • PROTECTION- condoms

ITV_t_TOWIEc072114So the guys are all together playing around with a ball in the yard, when in the background you hear “ain’t no rest for the wicked” which means BOY!gossip. Arg can’t wait to share the news with everyone (Dumb!Dan, Ricky, Tom, Diags, and Lockie) Arg announces, “we made love and it was amazing; and I want to tell the whole world” Dumb!Dan looks utterly confused while Lockie is smiling ear to ear. The guys hug it out because none of them are adult men but 12 year old boys.

So it’s time for another party – which means there more drama… and this time it’s at Gemma and Bobby’s bingo party.  Gemma seems to b taking her job duties as master of ceremonies seriously, because only Essex’s elite has been invited… guess that’s why the place looks half full. Gemma seems to has gotten so desperate for companionship that she announces that the winner will be taking her out on a date…or a “fag, shag and gag with Bobby” Harry seems utterly delighted at the prospect of that. Arg is the first one to call bingo, so he wins a date with Gemma, she looks like she’s about to crawl out of her skin…. clearly the “Tell the World Tour” hasn’t come to a location near her. Lockie calls bingo next and wins a date with Bobby… he’s not so thrilled about that.

Elliot admits to Jessica that he is completely in love with Chloe and I can’t stop looking at his teeth… are they new?

Back at camping Ferne has a surprise for Charlie… it’s a brander for meat…. she heats it up and puts it on the a steak….. and it reads Ferne and Char… and apparently it’s the most hilarious thing either of them have ever seen.

ITV_t_TOWIEn072114Arg continues his “Tell the World Tour” by sharing his news with Elliot and Lewis. I honestly don’t have a good feeling about this. I’m not sure Arg understand the difference between having sex with someone and having a relationship with someone …. they aren’t always exclusive. Gemma is pleased that she’s brought bingo back to Essex…. (*eye roll*)  And here comes Harry he really wants them to become a threesome again. Bobby  doesn’t seem all that convinced.

Useless!Jasmin is on the screen for her 1 minute she is promised on every episode. Useless!Jasmin reminds Grace that now it’s two against two, and the group break-up all has to do with Fran… this seems like a recycled storyline to me. Vas and Danni meet up a the bar to discuss the whole fashion show situation. I got lost in the conversation, voices were raised and Lauren decides to come over to smooth out the situation, then Lockie comes over for support while Dannie shooshes them and says her peace, Danni is going off on everyone and tells Lauren to go away because she is irrelevant to the conversation (which she totally was).

ITV_t_TOWIEp072114Lydia is chatting with her mom, seems Lydia has been hysterical since  she had sexy times with Arg. She doesn’t want him to think that just because they’ve has sex that they are in a relationship with one another. She doesn’t see them together right now, but doesn’t want to rule out anything about the future, she reluctantly admits that she doesn’t know what she wants; but she does want to talk to Arg before they go to Spain for the wedding.

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THE CUTEST BABY IN ESEX MAKES AN APPEARANCE. Gemma and Fran gush over baby Nellie. I gotta say that Billie looks fantastic; she feels like she’s complexly out of the loop so Ferne helps Arg out with his “Tell The World Tour” and lets Billie (and an unknowing Gemma) that Lydia and Arg slept together…twice…and sober. Gemma looks close to tears; and it’s clear that she didn’t know, she starts to sob, but covers it up and saying that she’s crying because of the baby.

Packing for a wedding is hard work according to Ricky, so hard in fact that he hasn’t even started…. I’m still trying to figure out what the whole point of this scene was….pointless.

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After running, Vas and Lauren sit down to gossip… apparently Lauren has been riding Lewis’ pole… frequently  (good for her). Vas is deeply hurt about the situation with Danni. Lauren thinks she said what she did because she doesn’t really know him all that well, Vas explains that it hits deeper than that; being called a weirdo took him back o a place when he was younger and always made fun of because he wasn’t like the other children and was made to feel like an outcast because he was different. Seems like he lashed out and called Danni scum because of what she said those two need to sit down alone and talk things out like mature adults… but this is TOWIE that might never  happen.

Diags and Lewis are having a drink, looks like they are gonna make up…seems like at least Faux!realtionship is on the mend.

Threesomes is the order of business on this picnic as Dumb!Dan, Lockie and Danni sit on a blanket and talk. Dumb!Dan continues the tradition of saying 10 words or less during an episode.

Chloe is excited about the wedding, she already knows she gonna catch the bouquet. Elliot has a surprise for her…. there is something in the drawer… ooh it’s a nice pair of diamond earrings. “something to commemorate her going to the first Wright family event”  (it’s clear that these people have selective memories, because she went to Jessica’s parents vow renewal ceremony… guess that doesn’t count)

Georgia and Fran are out shopping so naturally they run into Grace. Grace talks to Georgia while completely ignoring Fran. Georgia tells Grace she’s a lair, thy keep talking about cheating…and I’m so confused…when did this cheating occur? Fran walks away saying, “f*ck this, f*ck you, f*ck all of this”. Georgia stays and tells Grace that she doesn’t trust her anymore and they are no longer friends.

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I honestly can’t wait for the next episode…..For those of you who are unable to see the current season of TOWIE in your area… season 12 is now on HULU, and they finally got a clue and decided to air this years Marbs special…

Until Next Time…

tyra signature

Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

What The F*ck? TOWIE – Ep. 7

It’s that time again…another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. So for those  two people who actually read my TOWIE posts these are for you.. previous season 12 posts can be found here and here. The week the deli finally opened , we learned that , Chloe can’t make a sandwich to save her life, Grace pretty much did to Tom what Tom has done to every girl he’s dated on TOWIE, The Ferne and Charlie saga continues, Jessica cried , Billie is ready to pop out her baby and remains a ray of sunshine. Gemma remains in the middle of the drama Barry is still on rocky ground and Georgia, Grace and Fran had a three way argument.

Episoide7 “Sign the damn Prenup!”

Wait! Harry has his own shop? Does Harry’s World sell se toys or something, no? BOORING another store selling clothes.

Lockie and Danni are at the zoo, these two argue about the correct pronunciation on the word lemur, honestly it’s like a meeting with dumb and dumber. Danni then reminds Lockie how f*cked up their relationship was in the past and in order for things to then to get back together things defiantly need to change.

Over at Chloe’s Elliot stands around looking the douchy ass butt he is while Chloe prepares the shop for the day. Arg walks in and brings up Ferne; because clearly he has nothing else to discuss… so naturally the shit talking begins and Arg starts to laugh like a freakin’ hyena, after he’s done laughing it up he causally mentions that Lauren and Vas are having a fashion show (like the care) Chloe proudly  says that she would rather her vagina be dry… wait that’s not what she said; darn it, she actually said that she’d rather see paint dry… but honestly the  vagina line was way funnier .

Grace has asked Tom to come to the park for a chat. She admits that she is still  in contact with her ex-boyfriend (Tom knew that already, hell everyone in their circle knew that…. you know gossip spreads like wild-fire) Tom’s is feeling like he was played by Grace…Grace starts to cry (I’m confused as to why) as expected the conversation moves to an argument that Grace has with Georgia and Fran. Tom says something to the effect, “I don’t know what you argued; no one really cares”. Tom is over the entire situation and I’m seriously over Tom’s pink shorts.

Bobby announces that maybe he was a bit too hasty is his decision to take Harry back. He no longer trusts Harry and thinks they should break up once and for all (sad face) . Harry is devastated, and so am I, honestly I was looking forward to more matching summer attire, R.I.P Barry…you never really had a chance.

ITV_t_TOWIEq071414Ricky is out shopping with his mum… and  it literally take six seconds for him to start talking about Jessica and how they ate not living together. I’m over this , this story has gone beyond anything that I can stand and anytime here on out I refuse to write about it.

Danni and Lockie seem happy walking around the zoo , things seem like they are going well until Dannie starts to list off all the ways Lockie made her fell during their relationship and all the drama he caused; she then presents him with a “prenup” or a contract from their relationship. He has to sign it or their relationship can’t go any further, so like mature adults they both spit in their hands and kiss; then Danni in all her white jean gloriousness falls in the bushes behind her with a lovely elephant looking on.

I’m not sure if Charlie’s is open for business, every time they show it , Ferne is the only person there. Elliot Wright is he topic of conversation for the lovebirds. He’s a total douche butt and Charlie has had enough of him. And honestly I really want to know if there is any truth to the whole “Let’s F*ckn in the Toilets” drama.

Dumb!Dan is at the gym with Lockie talking about the relationship contract. Seriously Dumb!Dan  can barley form a sentence without laughing… he is seriously becoming as useless as Jasmine.ITV_t_TOWIEb071414

Arg is learning to drive for the 784th time and Lydia is doing a good deed by attempting to teach him. It instantly becomes sexual (for Arg) and he tells her that safety vest is turning him on….. let’s be honest a taco, fish and chips, a slice of cake, and Nanny Pat’s sausage plait turns him on as well. At this point I don’t think that he’s even trying; there is no way that a grown man is that dim. During the lunch break Lydia asks Arg his other life goals. Arg tells her he hopes for kids and a family home all the while lovingly glazing into Lydia’s eyes… she’s not having any of it.

Lewis meets up with Grace (I don’t know why) to talk about the argument. Grace is upset that they were talking about her behind her back… I’m screaming at the top of my lungs, THIS IS TOWIE EVERYONE TALKS SHIT ABOUT EVERYONE BEHIND THEIR BACK!

Charlie walks into Chloe’s like a boss, (and matching Chloe and Elliot) he grabs a seat ignored Chloe and tells Elliot that he’s tired of him being reckless with his mouth and to stay in his lane. Elliot says he’s done with the situation (how many times has he said that?) and I don’t believe one word he says; I don’t think Charlie is buying it either, Chloe can’t deal with not being included and starts to cry… boo-hoo.

At the fashion show titled, “Lauren and Vas: Unzipped (how original) Vas has gotten a haircutITV_t_TOWIEj071414 for the special occasion while everyone gathers for a good Essex party … which will only mean one thing DRAMA!

Lockie takes Dumb!Dan’s advice and makes changes to the contract, Danni’s annoyed but reluctantly agrees to sign it, thus bringing us another chapter of the Danni/Lockie saga.

Ricky and Jessica are on the screen…. he looks odd without his beard

Wow, I think Lewis and I have the same pants –   No BUENO. Lewis tells this girls to stop being bullies and start being better friends. I’m not impressed by any of the clothes at the fashion show…. and you can tell they put a lot of money in it  just by looking at the plastic cups people are holding… guess it goes with the homeless chic them Vas is pushing .

Meanwhile Fran and Charlie are having dinner when Fran want to celebrate because Billie has had her baby girl. CHEERS TO BILL! Ferne tells Charlie what happened at the Frat party, In Walks Elliot and his sister Leah… the tension is thick and the conversation immediately stops.

Back at the fashion show with horrible fashions. Gemma and Bobby have a go at each other. Bobby is upset (what else is new?) because Gemma has finally made peace with Harry, and went over to his place and enjoyed a BBQ with the family; Bobby is feeling hurt and begins to question Gemma’s loyalty. Once again someone in Gemma’s gay entourage is pissed at her. Bobby mentioned the words that destroy every relationship, “egg salad”!

At the restaurant Elliot decided to go over to Charlie and Ferne’s table to bury the hatchet (right in Ferne’s back). Ferne ugly cries…..

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For those of you who are unable to see the current season of TOWIE in your area… season 12 is now on HULU, and they finally got a clue and decided to air this years Marbs special…

Until Next Time…

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

What The F*ck?–TOWIE eps. 5 and 6

Here we go again, another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. Now if you need a reminder Arg got Friend-zoned, Harry and Bobby are still broken up, and new couples seem to popping up…yet I don’t think any of them are gonna last (photos on the blog today are courtesy of Holy Moly

Episode 5

“Drama at the Deli”

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Billie!

The boys are together flying some sort of contraption and giving Arg shit about being in the friend-zone, they guys seem to be sympathizing with him, especially Diags, but let’s face it … if anyone deserves to be FZ’d it’s Arg, he has the maturity of an ant. tom thinks he’s found the right woman in Grace… haven’t we heard that before…

The girls are hanging out helping Billie pack and looking over baby clothes, when all of the sudden Billie starts to feel some pain…. but never fear it’s a rouse to wind up Gemma… Jessica is still talking about living on her own, I’m confused, she wanted to live alone so why the hell is she crying about not living with Ricky *eye rolls*

Barry finally meets up for ice cream, and serious relationship conversation on the beach. They are gonna move forward….without promises (whatever that means) Let’s be honest I don’t care what problems they have ..two fabulous gay men need to get together… that’s it, that’s all.

Are you serious? This damn deli isn’t open yet? What the hell is taking so long… don’t they know there are a lot of hungry people in Brentwood production is gonna need another location for drama and fights to happen? Maybe I spoke to soon, cause Chloe and  Elliot walk it and the temperature instantly drops… seems Ferne and Chloe are still on the outs as evidence my the eye rolls and not speaking directly at one another… Chloe sure is losing friends left and right..

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Vas and Lauren visit Lydia in her shop, and apparently Vas is totally into homeless chic… while the girls favor Festival chic… the only thing I can say is Vas is doing his best Pharrell Williams impression… What The F*ck?

Here’s Dumb!Dan working out with his chick on the side Georgia. Dan flex’s his man boobs, much to Georgia, Fran and Grace’s enjoyment…I am enjoying the look of total confusion and bewilderment on Dumb!Dan’s face which the girls are chatting about Grace’s date with Tim… I bet he’s wondering when he became on of the girls… just sit there with your mouth close and continue to flex Dumb!Dan

The most awkward sandwich making ever is currently happening at the deli. Chloe and Ferne are sitting right next to each other and completely ignoring one another… did I happen to mention that they are the only two people in the building  (the boys when to go workout… but I think production wanted another catfight ), but damn it Billie walks in full of sunshine and roses… and naturally Ferne is about to talk shit about Chloe white she’s in the back…let’s be honest they were some shitty looking sandwiches… but as loud as they are talking I’m sure Chloe hears them

Eye f*cking between Lewis and Lauren with Vas being an awkward third (still wearing that fugly hate) Apparently as long as Vas is impressed with Lauren’s future beau it’s al good. Lewis in the nicest way possible tells Vas to go “F*ck Off” While he attempts to finally ask Lauren out on a date

Nanny Pat … I love this woman, since Mark is gone she’s not feeding anyone like she did back in Season 2. go to visit Jessica in her new apartment… and once again Jess is crying about living alone… I think she might be on her period…

Good God, Mr. Darcy is huge! And let’s be honest he’s f*ckin’ ugly and mean looking. I will admit he was quite cute when he was a piglet..

Then we get an amusement park montage of Barry…there is fun and cuddles… let’s move on

Back at Jessica’s mom and gran are still consoling her when Danni and Karen stop by, apparently Karen has some issues with Gemma (who doesn’t) and her roll in the Barry breakup. Apparently she plans to confront her and the deli opening….DRAMA!

Finally the Deli is open and it’s clear that Charlie has borrowed once of Vas’ hat and he want’s everyone to know, he’s back, with a bang, with a deli!” I will say this is the fanciest deli opening I’ve ever seen… but we all know everything is in excess here on TOWIE. We meet Demi… the other Simms sibling (I didn’t know she existed…She looks nothing like Chloe, but then again Chloe has had some much work done, she resembles no one… and once again they instantly start talking shit about Ferne once Charlie leaves.

White is apparently the color that everyone is wearing tonight, because Lauren is wearing a cute little white dress on her date with Lewis (who is doing his best impression of a oily, mumble mouthed Gatsby)

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While Gemma is giving Jessica relationship advice Karen comes over and attempts to give Gemma the business about the whole Barry situation… but she cries instead. Karen’s give the best advice ever, “Let’s both stay out of it” and in true Gemma Collins fashion she replies, “I’m 33 and Fabulous” bitch please….

Episode 6

“Talking shit behind your back”

Everything seems to be nice and peaceful in TOWIE land… but we all know that’s gonna last for a minute

Over at Chloe’s (the salon not the person) Chloe and Gemma ogle Mr. Wright’s ass, Chloe reminds us that it’s time for more Botox because, she’s not into expressions (she’s not into looking natural either) then they proceed to get down to business… taking shit about Ferne, if Ferne has a nickel for every time someone talked crap about her she’d be a rich woman.

Jessica is having lunch with her mom and cousin discussing her wedding… once again she’s complaining about her living situation with Rick…I’m over it.

The guys get together for a little game of tennis, Arg still in the friend-zone but wants it to be much more, apparently Lydia is gonna help him learn to drive (it’s totally her turn, because 5 people have tried to teach him before….)

Barry are shopping for something to wear at yet another party.. Gemma’s name pop’s up (no one is surprised)

ITV_t_TOWIEf070914Dumb!Dan is outside fling his muscles and washing his car (production has the right idea) and who comes driving up the road? good Ole Lockie guess he got his drug issues taken care of because he’s back and he’s wearing the smallest pair of shorts I’ve seen on a man in a long time. Naturally the conversation goes to Danni, he wants her back…. she’s still on the fence.

Ricky and Jessica meet up and guess what they are taking about, the fact that they aren’t living together (am I the only one that is completely bored with these two?) Jess get’s upset and cries… yet again…*eye rolls*

Billie! The baby is 5 days overdue and is ready for to evict the baby. Ferne is over visiting her wearing her Glastonbury best . She’s preparing a picnic for Charlie with all his favorites… I don’t think this is gonna have a happy ending. I’m gonna give Billie a pass cause she’s super pregnant, but she was right Chloe and Elliot  do have matching Botox and matching teeth.

Diags (along with Fran) breaks the news that Grace is possibly still seeing her ex and Grace has played the player…. ooh burn! Karma is a bitch isn’t it Tom

Jasmine is back… she’s still boring and irrelevant . This whole Lockie and Danni are still in their drama, and we are all over it

Charlie comes to the picnic with ultra skinny jeans, I swear that man may never procreate…Ferne is doing her best to have a nice lunch, but Charlie pretty much tells her that it’s not working and he’s still stressed about the drama between Ferne and his sisters.

Twitter_t_TowiegemmaMandy the foot psychic is back, I understand they she has to use her feet (any FYI her pedicure is EVERYTHING) but I’m not a big fan of feet touching me, or people touching my feet. But anyhow Mandy is reading Gemma (who is in a hot tub with Jessica looking on) pretty much tells them both… shit is about to hit the fan (I could have told them that without  touching them with my feet)

Leah (Elliot’s sister) is getting a Thread Lift done while Chloe looking super grossed out…. I’m confused especially considering all the crap she’s had done to her body.

Ricky and Ferne meet up and talk about their similar situations and both agree that Elliot is an asshole that needs to mind his own business. I predict that neither relationship will last for the long haul… maybe they should consider getting together

According to Arg, Frat parties are just like American Pie…. as an American I refuse to comment on the dumbness of that. Lockie is there looking super douchy with Dumb!Dan who says nothing but eats his hotdog and Botox!Elliot. Apparently Ferne is DTF anyone… and Elliot can prove it. Ricky is talking to the guys about how he’s not living with Jessica…

At the Hen Party Harry walks up to Gemma (who knows what’s about to go down, cause Mandy the foot psychic told her) and confronts her. Gemma is instantly on the defense and calls Harry’s entire family liars. They argue. Friendship over!

Danni and Bobby commiserate over their cheating boyfriends..it’s very emotional… for Bobby

Best face of the night goes to Fern. Grace finally admits that she is still “sort of seeing her ex” and needs to tell Tom. Grace, Fran and Georgia start to argue .. allegations are made (most are true)ITV_t_TOWIEc070914

Lockie and Danni…. boring

Ferne goes to pick up Charlie at the Sugar Hut  and Elliot drops a bomb! Apparently she asked to f*ck Elliot… yuck! I will say that Ferne has an amazing poker face…that smile never left her face Elliot reminds her that a sewer rat has more class than she does. Ferne leaves completely embarrassed…at this point I think she forgot she was supposed to pick up Charlie

Until Next Time…

 

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved