Since I’ve gotten home from the hospital, my weight loss has been tough. I know what to do, but with the lack of energy on top of being on the prednisone and wanting… no I pretty much ate what I wanted, things have not been good..
I have been mindlessly eating and tracking everything
(expects the cookies the cake, the pint of ice cream, pretty much anything with sugar and fat has not been tracked.. and because of it I have not wanted to go to Weight Watchers, I have not wanted to look at the number on the scale because I know it’s gone up, and I know exactly why. So let’s just start off with the amazing, awesomely frustration stuff first. I gained 6 pounds in 2 weeks.. ugh!
Week 22: The topic that week was “Eating Food – or Your Feelings”. Well I think we all know what I’ve been doing I’ve been eating the hell out of my feelings. I think some where in the back of my mind I’ve been thinking I’m on Prednisone; it’s gonna make me gain weight, so what does it matter if I eat what I want?
So when I got home I jotted down some things that I wanted to delve further into when it comes to my emotional eating. And I realized that I do the following:
- Pre-Emptive Eating: sometimes I have a tendency to eat when I’m not hungry (this tends to happen if I’m going out) because I don’t think that I’m gonna have what I want when I’m out of the house = BAD HABIT. Why am I eating when I’m not hungry?
- Eating Out of Boredom
- Eating Out of Habit
- Social Eating
I need to figure out What I’m Hungry For because it’s become apparent that 80% of the time it’s not food. And if I continue on the path that I am on; those 79 pounds are gonna come back quickly. So these are things that I need to work on.
- Preparing Snacks and Meals ahead of time: I was doing that up until my hospitalization, but when I came home I eat frozen, microwavable stuff that was high in fat and sodium because it was easy
- Comfort/Comfort Food: Surgery takes a lot out of you, and I won’t deny that I needed comfort; I wanted to feel better and because I have yet to learn the difference between comfort and comfort food I went to food again and again.
- Bring Attention to the Situation: Realize what I’m doing in the moment and correct my actions
- Engaging With Others
- Support: I’m not the only person on a weight loss journey, I know quite a few people, yet I no longer use them as a resource.. I need to do that.
- Balance vs. All Or Nothing: I go between the two, so make times I’ve walked into a meeting thinking if I don’t loss weight this week, the entire week is ruined.. weight loss is a balance… intellectually I know what, but logical reason goes out of the window when I step on the scale
this is a lot to work on, and I knew that it wasn’t gonna take a week to work through (which was one of the reasons why I didn’t post last week). So I made sure to arm myself with the finest snacks Weight Watchers had to offer and went on my way…. hoping that the next week would be better.
We also got these in the meeting… just something else to get me motivated to go.
Week 23: Last weeks Topic was “Mindful Eating” (*blank stare* Who are the people who come up with these topics and why are they super relevant to me right now?)
The Saturday before the meeting I decided I was not going to weigh-in (although I was still going to attend the meeting) I felt like I couldn’t see the number on the scale, even with the revelations from last week my behavior didn’t change and I knew I gained weight, hell I could feel it. When I got on the scale I was surprised by how much a gain it was.
Earlier in the week I had gone to see several doctors and my wound was closing; according to the doctor 2 weeks, and I could resume normal activity as my body allowed. My Prednisone was reduced from 20mg to 10mg…. I felt like these were positive changed that would help me with my weight loss. I walked into the meeting and decided, “Screw This, Get on the Scale and see where you need to START from”
I decided on the way to the meeting that Sunday was gonna be a new start and even though I didn’t want to see the number I NEEDED to see it.
This week something happened, I was at my parents house and there was cake (it was a birthday) and I said to myself then out load that I wasn’t going to have any cake, then I said that I would take it home and eat it the next day (when I had enough points to actually have it) Not ten minutes later I’m looking at my mother and realizing that I’m stuffing German Chocolate cake in my mouth and I didn’t even realize it. I’m not sure why it happened, but exhibiting that type of behavior (eating without even knowing) scared the hell out of me… and I just knew. I HAD to get back on track!
This weeks meeting hit a nerve, I was not (and haven’t )been mindfully eating for a while and it’s starting to catch up with me. So after reading the Weekly I’ve been:
- Eating without Distraction : This is hard for me, I usually eat in front of the TV or eat while looking at my phone.
- Eating at the Table
- Eating Slowly and Tasting my Food : I’m learning to have a positive relationship with my food and eating slowly, tasting and enjoying it is part of the process.
So as I write this on a Wednesday (to be posted on Thursday) I can safely say that this is a better week that the best month has been. I’m eating better, I’m tracking EVERYTHING, and I’m feeling a lot more positive and myself and the food that I’m eating, I’ve gone back to making meals ahead of time, portioning them out so that I can have them for more than one day, and I have to say it takes a lot of stress off of me knowing what I’m going to have and how many points they are ahead of time.
I will be going to my regular meeting on Sunday morning, and I’m not expecting anything. my weight my stay the same, it might change, but I need to learn that my actions won’t always reflect on the scale… I need to learn to be okay with that.
Through it all I have to remember that this is important, and I’m important enough to succeed at this
If you want to check out my journey so far: Week 1, Week 2, Week 3, Week 4, Week 5, Week 6, Week 7, Week 8, Week 9, Week 10, Week 11, Week 12, Week 13, Week 14, Week 15, Week 16, Week 17-20, Week 21, Week 22-23
Until Next Time….