Plead the Fifth

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Writing Prompt: What question do you hate to be asked? Why?

 

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The question that I hate the most is , “How are you feeling?” It’s been a long time since I’ve felt normal, and on a good day my only issue is a small amount of pain and fatigue and on the bad days…. well it’s bad. But every day someone will ask me , “How are you feeling/doing?” And most days I want to say, “Awful”, “I’m hurting”, “I don’t feel good”, “I just want to go home and stay in bed”but what I end up saying is , “I’m okay”…. and 90% of the time it’s not true. Why do I say it it? I don’t want to come off as if I’m complaining, I don’t want to come off as week, and I don’t want to burden others with my “issues” so to make other people (writing this makes me realized how screwed up that it) more comfortable I lie and say that I’m okay.

I think it’s an automatic thing now, I say it so much it because second nature and I say it without thinking. And I know what I’m saying is nothing new… most Spoonies do it …

Until Next Time…

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All Grown Up

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Writing Prompt:  When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?

I think the first time that I ever felt like a real adult was when I turned 30 years old, I think it was a culmination of a lot of things coming together, finally leaving my 20’s which wasn’t as great as people make it out to be, I was in a good place health wise and I was living on my own, in a place far from the rest of my family… more than anything else I think it was the very first time when the only person I had to rely on was myself.

Taking an honest look back at my life I think one of the reasons why 30 was the “it moment: was because at 19 I was diagnosed with my autoimmune liver disease, so a lot of those “adult rites of passage” I was never able to do. Because either I was to sick or it was strictly forbidden (21st birthday I didn’t have my first legal taste of alcohol…hell I had just had a transplant…huge no! no!), so in a lot of way my adulthood was stunted by things I really had not control over. The thing is it took a long time to feel like an adult, and even know 9 years later I can say that I’m not sure if I feel like that same adult I did when I turned 30, lots of things have changed, I’ve moved closer to my family, my health is a lot worst than it used to be, and I rely more on my family, and I can’t say at this point I fell less of an adult than I did at 30… just a little bit more stunted.

Until Next Time

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