What The F*ck? – TOWIE Ep. 12

We have finally reached the end!! So much unnecessary drama…another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. So for those  two people who actually read my TOWIE posts these are for you..  Season 12 posts can be found here: 1-45-6 , 7, 8 , 9 , 10 and 11. This post photos are courtesy of Holy Moly

The last episode everyone was talking about either Arg or the Wedding, oh and there was a party…

Episode 12 “FINALE – Thank God!”

Arg finally get’s to meet baby Nellie. he looks rather cute with the baby and the parasol… aITV_t_TOWIEb073114nd first glance I? thought that it was Billie and her fiancée… Arg is getting baby fever and things he would be a good dad to her cubby babies who he would knick name Tum-Tum. Poor Arg has been a little down, between the issues with Lydia and things with the Wrights… it’s a lot right now. Billie asks Nellie if he can get Lydia back… naturally she  doesn’t answer.

Having Malts, Gemma, Bobby, Ferne and Charlie, Bobby feels like Danny Zucko, I’m a bit confused… doesn’t his hair always look like that? Apparently there is a 50’s style  fun fair… which means it’s a good time to bring out the leathers… Gemma is still looking for a man.  Carole (last post I added an e…. sorry) Jessica, Debbi and Lydia are also preparing for the party… I would ask why these moms always party with their daughters bit momentarily I forgot what I was watching… apparently there will be more than one Danny Zucko there. Jessica get’s a text from Leah, her honeymoon is over and she’s ready to talk…Leah’s going to the fun fair and it should be a good time for all. Naturally they are still talking about the wedding and apparently Carol doesn’t appreciate that Chloe is talking about it as Carol says, “She’s not family” I’m having a bit of déjà vu… this is the same crap she said about Ricky last season… it might be time for someone to tell Carole to stay in her damn lane….

Over at Chloe’s (the salon)  Danni and Georgia  are getting their hair done and taking about the Fifty Shades of Gray trailer. Apparently Danni likes to hear about people’s sex lives., Chloe would never want to be tied up, but Georgia thinks that Grace totally would, they hash up all the issues with Grace accusing Fran of cheating with her ex.

Lewis and Lauren are on the screen, I’m super bored. Lauren says that Danni is twisting the truth… I’m confused, maybe I missed something because I felt like Danni was very clear about her feelings, and honestly Lewis needs to shut the f*ck up… he wasn’t even there to witness the argument he should not be commenting on anything…. I’m done with those two. I swear Lauren has said “like” at least 50 times in this conversation…. so annoying.

Lydia is wavering back and forth with the Arg situation…and like always she cries… I am so over this. On her way home Lydia calls Arg (who is making a massive sandwich) feels like it was a good idea to talk to him and talk before they see each other that evening because she doesn’t want it to be awkward between the two of them. I’m happy that they were able to have a grown up conversation.

The Sugar Hut… Chloe and Elliot are having cITV_t_TOWIEg073114offee, and Jessica walks in to let them know that Leah called, Chloe is watching and keeping quiet.. once again Jessica is making excuses for her mother’s bad behavior… how about this apologize to Leah..I’m confused about how Carole and Jess knew about the conversation that Chloe had with her brother… maybe they saw it on television.

God… Grace is on the screen.. and because she has absolutely nothing to talk about she’s still talking about Georgia and Fran… does this girl have other friends? And once again Lewis is getting in the girl’s business…. I seriously think that this will fall back on him and bite him in his ass. Grace vows to continue to give as good as she gets (it). If Grace has proof why hasn’t she shown it and shut this nonsense down… then non of this would be happening….

I saw the Tarot cards, and instantly knew that Gemma was seeing a psychic again… this time it’s George Valentino, Bobby is there to give her a bit of support… there is a man in her future, and love will defiantly blossom for her.

Grease is the word…. and holy crap this is probably the best party ever…seriously. It looks just like a scene out of the movie..everyone looks fantastic, the amount of gel the guys are wearing is astounding.  Charlie and Chloe are having a conversation by the strong man and Ferne comes over with cotton candy, she apologizes for not talking to ITV_t_TOWIEm073114Chloe the other night. It looks like the girls are ready to move on and rebuild their relationship… I’m sure Charlie is happy about this. Danni and Lockie are getting cotton candy and Lewis and Lauren with her best bitch face walk over… honestly I don’t know if it’s bitch face or too much Botox. The guys are good friends and they don’t want the girls to fight because it makes everything awkward…. okay, okay they have a point, but the girls didn’t come say one word to one another and just walked away… FYI: Lauren is officially Lewis’ girlfriend… and I officially don’t care (Mr. Sandman is playing in the background… and I’m nearly falling asleep). Lydia is waiting by the candy cart and Tom goes over to tell her his opinion and tells her that they are meant to be together.

There  montage of everyone eating, playing games and on the Ferris Wheel, but one thing that I couldn’t ignore was that kiss that Bobby laid on Dan…holy cow!! (hope Harry didn’t see that). Why is every time Grace is on the screen Lewis is right by her side… clearly he’s the only friend that she has left… but  here comes the mean girls  Tom, FranITV_t_TOWIEn073114 and Georgia and Diags. Georgia is really annoyed of everyone calling her a liar… they talk about the pictures and Diags is over the entire situation… and walks away.

I’m loving Ricky lately… he;s so cute… he and Chloe are talking and he tells her that she should go talk to Carole, but the way that he says it in a the high pitched sing-song voice is hilarious. Ricky is breaking his rule (and not keeping his mouth closed) and he tells her that Carol is pissed off with her.And Carole, Jessica and Elliot are literally 6 feet away…. they should totally go say hi. Greasiness must run in the family,  because here comes Leah ready to confront her aunt and her cousin, once again the blame goes back to Arg, and Carol has not once admitted he part in the situation, Elliot makes his aunt apologize to Leah and Carol looks seriously hesitant… like What The F*ck Carol?

BARRY!! And their nice with each other… maybe they can’t be together, but maybe they can be friends again. They look over and Gemma is chatting with a man…. they look intrigued, but Gemma wasn’t;t impressed.. apparently he was too short and he has kids…

Arg and Lydia finally have a moment alone. Arg admits that he should have bee completely honest with her. He’s seriously nervous and he says, “I’m still the person you fell in love with, just a better version.”  so for the third time he gives Lydia her shoes… because apparently she’s always loved Sex in the City…. but wait there is another  surprise. Arg takes a blindfolded Lydia across a bridge…he recounts the first time they told each other they loved each other, Arg breaks down in tears. He has someone sing their song, it’s very sweet and romantic..

Elliot pulls Chloe to the side and tells her that even though he wasn’t looking for he, he’s found it..he’s totally smitten with her and it’s good to see

The Grease Finale… with the song (FYI that was my senior song… who’s idea was that?)

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It was all very sweet but how long is this love affair gonna last? Guess we have to wait until next season to find out

Thoughts about the season 

Although he is a charming douche I did miss Mario, it would have been nice to see if the relationship between Mario and Charlie suffered due to the blink and you miss relationship with him and Chloe, and I would have loved to see who he would have tried to date this season. I will admit even though I tried to fight it I do like Chloe and Elliot together, I’m not sure if it was the pacing of the season, but things seem to be moving fast.. may with the two of them together they will ease up on the plastic surgery.

I don’t know what to think about the whole Chloe and Lauren (friendship) breakup. I will say what I said before, if you let some guy get in between your friendship… that says a lot about the strength of your friendship to begin with. Arg and Lydia… I’m just hoping that we don’t have to deal with the back and forth next season. I still think Jasmine and Dan should leave, it’s seriously time for some new blood, and maybe once and for all Grace will close her mouth

Even though they didn’t’ t have a lot of screen time I missed seeing Barry together, and hopefully now that Billie has had the baby maybe we can see more of her… at this point she’s the only person on this show with common sense.

Honesty this is the second season where I’ve had that love it or leave it mentality… I’ll give it one more season before I give up on it….

And naturally there was a finale party, where everyone showed off their finest plastic surgery and weaves.

What The F*ck? – TOWIE Ep. 11

Is this show over yet? So much unnecessary drama…another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. So for those  two people who actually read my TOWIE posts these are for you..  Season 12 posts can be found here: 1-45-6 , 7, 8 , 9 and 10. This post photos are courtesy of Holy Moly

In the last episode Arg and  and burger nipples got their heart broken when Lydia (pretty much) told him to close his damn mouth closed….everyone doesn’t really need to know that they are having sex, and they are no longer friends with benefits, and of course there was a a wedding and love was in the air in Spain and in Essex where Gemma had a blind date with a younger man who she had previously kissed before (and totally forgot)

Here we go….

Episode 11Arg and the Wedding”

Wait Arg is finally moving out, I thought that he found a place last season…. well good for him, he sure didn’t forget to pack his “I Love Lydia” scrapbook with him. Pat inquires about how things went in Spain, Arg things overall they went well but now another girl has come out of the wood work and said that something that happened between her and Arg three years ago so now Lydia isn’t talking to him again. His mom thinks there are only so many times a person can say sorry (I tend to agree, but how about not cheating so you don’t have to say sorry all the time… just a thought)

Gemma can always rely on Bobbie for a good rub down. Gemma exclaims that she’s not desperate (wish I could insert a picture of my face) and Bobby agrees, then in the next breathe she happily mentions that she’s having lunch with Arg (cause we all know that she still has feelings for him…. and I seriously don’t understand why) apparently he’s finally cashing in on the date that he “won” at Gemma’s Bingo party…. (now we get ,more deets on Arg’s discretion) rumor has it that Arg had a threesome (once again I wish you could see my face) I agree with Gemma, if he’s so serious (or wants to be serious) with Lydia why is it so difficult for him to grow up?

Chloe, Greasy!Elliot and Ricky are at a restaurant having a chat about the wedding. I will say that it’s nice that Ricky and Elliot have out their difference aside, well enough to gossip…okay let me get this right Carole had a little too much to drink and the wedding and Leah and her ad words… which is awful, no one wants to reign in their drunk aunt at their wedding. So Elliot decides it a good idea to video chat with his sister on her honeymoon, because that’s always a good time to chat about family dysfunction. Leah tells them she hasn’t spoken to Carole or Jessica since the wedding and she feels bad about it and would have preferred to avoid the entire situation… I’m sure Carole and Jessica will be telling their side of the story… but good thing is Ricky says he’s not gonna get involved (which is good… someone of this show can finally mind their own ITV_t_TOWIEe072814business)

Lydia stops by to visit her sister Georgia who sitting in the garden reading her magazine. I will say this … I really do like Lydia’s hair, I think that she looks so much better with her hair darker and toned down makeup . apparently the sisters haven’t been talking over Lydia’s decision to get back together with Arg…the thought of them having sex makes Georgia sick to her stomach (I’m agree) . Must have made for awkward family dinners, since mom is clearly “Team Arg”  Georgia reminds Lydia that Arg is a pathological liar and you may never know how many people he has slept with.

Another person on TOWIE has opened a store… what is it with these assholes opening stores? this time it’s Danni and she’s naming her store… Danni (how original) . Useless!Jasmin is there and so is Dumb!Dan along with Locke… and honestly I think the only thing he has done so far was laugh.. Useless!Jasmin jokes that none of the mannequinsITV_t_TOWIEp072814 looks like her, while Dan says she should just stand in the window …  God Lord, here we go another party… and another fashion show…. cause we I agree she has the personality of a mannequin I get that they come from well off backgrounds, but seriously it feels like every person on the show has a shop, yet we rarely see them working in said shop…just standing around holding clothes… well this time it’s Danni, and she get’s her friends to help her with the store opening of her new shop she unimaginatively named Danni….

Lauren stops by Lewis bachelor pad that he’s currently sprucing up with a fresh coat of paint, although she’s not helping, she is instructing him about proper painting etiquette.
Naturally things after you normal., so they have to start talking about someone. Lewis thinks that Danni was rude to Lauren, and Lauren in all her blondness just doesn’t get it.

Carole popped over to Jessica’s to gossip, when finally hear more about what happened at the wedding, Arg apparently was joking a bit too far with Carole (Arg goes a bit too far with everyone) Carole blames Arg for everything as she says, “he’s not intelligent enough to think before he speaks”…ouch! Ricky joins the conversation and the Arg blame continues… I really want to hear what Arg has to say about this, but I have to say I’m super impressed that Ricky is keeping his mouth closed.

Debbie joins her daughters to talk about Arg… seems like everyone is talking about him today.. I wonder if his ears are burning? Georgia thinks that Arg can’t ever do anything bad in his eyes.  Georgia finds it very bizarre that Debbie has such a good relationship with Arg, after all the horrible things that he ‘’s done to her daughter, honestly I have to agree…  if you cheat and humiliate my daughter, you can’t just call for a chat and pop over for some tea asking me what you need to do to get her back…I like this Georgia … she makes a lot of sense.

WAIT I’m confused! Jessica designs clothing? How did I miss that? I thought that she was a singer…Ricky and Jess are in her studio. Ricky is looking over sketches; that I’m sure she paid someone else to draw and she playing with clothing… what is it with everybody, you get on television for five  minutes and instantly you’re a designer, or a stylist… like are you for real, but I forget that all these people come from privileged backgrounds maybe their way of contributing to the world is through fashion (totally sounds like something Vas would say). The wedding continues to be topic of conversation.  Ricky convinces Jessica to call Leah in Spain while she’s still on her honeymoon… and she wants to know how Leah is feeling about the whole wedding situation. Leah sounds a bit standoffish, she doesn’t want to talk to Jessica and it’s totally clear. She has a right to b upset. people were acting an ass at her wedding, her friends and family were acting an ass.. I would be pissed off at the whole lot of them, but I think that Jessica feels like it wasn’t her fault and Leah shouldn’t be made at her…. now let me ask you this, why do they keep calling her on her honeymoon? Honestly I would have waited until the situation cooled down and contacted her when she returned home, but this is TOWIE so you gotta have a bot of drama for the cameras.

Over at the deli (man I’m hungry) Chloe and Charlie are talking about the wedding… cause that’s all people are talking about the wedding and Arg. Chloe and Elliot have only been together for 8 weeks… she calls him her soul mate (are you serious?… already?)

SKATING!!! Tom, Fran and Diags (cause you know Tom is always there) and wait Lydia is there to, so it’s not totally awkward… how long do you think it’s gonna talk for the conversation to get to Arg? As long as it took me to type that last sentence… Lydia tells the gang that she and Arg had an argument, and if I didn’t love Diags more he says what everyone who is watching this show said “what else I new” .  Naturally his boys have his back and Lydia is still feeling the pressure between her family and her feelings.

Gemma and Arg on having their date at  Burger Bar and naturally they are talking about him and his threesome and how it’s affecting his relationship with Lydia.. Trust issues….blah, blah, blah. Gemma thinks that it karma biting him back in the ass. Gemma is giving him some hard core advice to go and finally get his woman. Lay it on the line ITV_t_TOWIEa072814and if she rejects you, it’s time to walk away and finally move on. While they are enjoying their meal Georgia (Lydia’s sister) walks in and from the look on Gemma’s face I know that a conversation is gonna be had…Georgia really want  Arg to take a step back before he really hurts Lydia (hasn’t he already done that… many times?) Arg seems remorseful and really confused about why Lydia is upset about old news… the issue remains trust. (I can’t get over the eye rolling coming from Gemma) Arg needs to learn to stand up for his self, all he keeps saying is “I’m sorry”. Georgia doesn’t seem all that convinced, and honestly I’m not either if he loves Lydia like he’s telling everyone he should have spoken up a little bit more

I never knew how long and lanky Vas was until I saw him on skates. Lauren and Vas discuss Danni’s opening and both of the are confused about why she has drama with Lauren..

Danni is modeling her clothing and I had a serious flashback of Amy ad her modeling days. That party is gonna be glamorous and all about fashion. we finally learn why Danni is so pissy with Lauren, apparently Lauren has been “muggy” towards her… well yeah, you made her gay best friend cry… I would  muggy with you to.  Danni doesn’t appreciate that Lauren was making fun of her behind her back

It’s party time… or should I say drama time (whenever there’s a party you know drama is right behind it). Danni is wear this chocker that is huge, at first glance I thought that it was a harness… geez. Lockie (newly bald ass and all) is happy that’s able to share this with Danni (cause you know she’s forgiven him and he signed the relationship contract and everything). Lewis seems woefully underdressed and since he’s totally in love with Lauren he feels the need to go and defend Lauren, which hasn’t he learned that she should stay out of it when it concerns the girls. Arg tells Greasy!Elliot and Ricky that Lydia has trust issues when it comes to him and thinks that he’s a compulsive liar… I do too honestly, Arg lies about EVERYTHING! Lydia is outside having second thoughts about seeing Arg, so she decides to go home, she doesn’t want to deal with him; which means Arg is gonna have to go to her place and beg.

Chloe is in the bathroom applying her makeup and Ferne walks in… I don’t know what’s gonna happen but I’m super excited to see the two of them on the screen together..  I will say that Ferne looks really pretty in her dress… both are standing in the mirror and they both exchange awkward complements with one another… boo-hoo I was hoping ITV_t_TOWIEj072814for one final show down with the two of them… yay for maturity (sarcasm!) While Danni is dismissing the extras her models.. Lauren walk up ready to join the party, but it’s over… she says that she’s just coming to pick up Lewis, and Danni thinks it’s a good time to have conversation…. honestly they are talking so fast I can’t even follow… Danni tells Lauren there’s a reason she doesn’t have friends and she’s totally irreverent.

Jessica is on a war path … and it leads right to Arg. Arg says that he had a few drinks and they  (Carole) always go back and forth, apparently him calling Carole a pushy mom was a bit to much… let’s be honest Carole is a bit pushy… have we forgotten how she was during the whole Wrights vs. Ricky situation…this family loves to gang up on people. All of this bull shit over a microphone and letting someone sing.. it’s ridiculous. Elliot being a stand up guy tells Jessica that Arg can’t be blamed for the entire situation (EXACTLY!!) . Carole was drunk and started talking crap to Leah..here’s a word of advice… don’t drink so much. Maybe someone should ask Leah who she thinks is to blame??

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Until Next Time….

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

What The F*ck ?–TOWIE Ep. 10

Is this show over yet? So much unnecessary drama…another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. So for those  two people who actually read my TOWIE posts these are for you..  Season 12 posts can be found here: 1-45-6 , 7, 8 and 9. This post photos are courtesy of Holy Moly

Last episode Arg and Lydia had sex and Arg told everyone with the ability to hear. Billie introduced her baby to the world and Gemma broke down in tears… everyone else has drama (what else is new?)  At this point I’m exhausted, I’m so sick of all these recycled storylines…. but here we go to episode 8 10(See I don’t even know at this point)…. Leah’s Wedding…

Episode 10 “White Wedding”

Shopping makes everything okay… according to Vas and Lauren, honestly having a conversation like adults and saying, “I’m sorry” might work a little better, but then again, I have a tiny thread of common sense.

While most of the crew is in Spain, Bobby, Gemma and Ferne are having a sit down  and having tea… probably correctly assuming that there will be drama in Spain. At Eduardo’s the Wrights with Lydia and Chloe  are discussing the wedding and Leah has a bit of pre-wedding Jitters…. she doesn’t want people to look at her… here’s a tip, when you walk I have everyone to close ITV_t_TOWIEa072414their eyes until you get to the alter. I might be a little cynical here, but usually a woman’s wedding is one of the few times when a woman wants all eyes on here… I’m not saying that she doesn’t have pre-wedding jitters… but honestly… get the f*ck outta here… what was the point…While Leah is crying it’s literally too much for Elliot to take so he excuses himself to hang out with the guys. Chloe decides it’s a good time to get in good with the family and starts to gush about Elliot.(now don’t get me wrong I genuinely like Chloe and Elliot together) then the conversation goes to Lydia and Arg… Jess makes the assumption because there will be alcohol that sex will be happening ; although Lydia find the conversation a bit uncomfortable I frankly find the assumption valid.

Back in Essex Gemma admits that she had a bit of a break down, she says that it’s not about Arg.. she feels like she’s never gonna have a happy ending, and she feels like it’s game-over for her. So Gemma and Bobby decide to set Gemma up on a blind date. Gemma perks up immediately and proclaims, “I want Danny Dyer, I want Danny Dyer, he’s a geezer!” (I had to look him up, had no clue who he was… apparently he’s an actor on East Enders… I’m excited about this.

Vas wants to know the appropriate way to ask someone to be their boyfriend or girlfriend after the age of 14…. this is a very good question and I would seriously like to know… Lauren has a problem with Lewis telling people that they’ve slept together… I think that she might have a bit amnesia, isn’t that they way things happen on this show… seriously, What The F*ck Lauren? …

Obstacle course with a bit of army flair is on tap for Georgia, Tom, Diags and Fern (are Tom and Georgia dating? I think they would b cute together… and I honestly like to see when friends become more… )They seem to be having a good time. As they take a break and taking a break from the drama, they do the only sensible thing bring up the people who is the crux of the drama… Grace.  Apparently Fern called her ex and he said that he’s never ever heard of Grace before…even though the entire accusation about Fran cheating is ridiculous, I find the fact that she called her  hilarious… Tom feels that Grace is a shit starting, while I feel most of the people on this show could fall into that category. Grace has become the black hole of Essex.

ITV_t_TOWIEw072414At Café Essex what an originally name. Vas literally runs into Danni, and I honestly feel bad to Vas, it was like as soon as he saw Danni he looked like he was on the verge of tears. Vas apologized about the scum comment, Danni admitted that she was very angry and a but humiliated and she said some things that she probably shouldn’t have said. I think I said this in my last post that Vas was projecting a little bit, I’m glad that he was able to talk to Danni, and be able to set this matter at rest. I’m incredibly sad that Vas had to go through what he did, but I think that this is a start to a better relationship with Danni and Vas and maybe this incident will b the catalyst for Vas to get some help for things that have happened in the past…that was deep.

Back in Spain (man does this cast love Spain) Ricky, Eliot and Arg are drinking. Arg being the complete idiot that he is he admits that he left his suit back home and that caused Arg and Lydia to have an argument, but then the next day they fooled around. This seems par for the course for these two. Lydia says she’’ doesn’t want a relationship with him but sleep with him then they have this back and forth…

It’s time for the wedding and in the background they are playing one of my favorite songs (Christina Perri –  A Thousand Years) and instantly I’m like aww…the wedding was very pretty. Arg didn’t even attempt to buy a new suit. During the reception Elliot and Chloe are still on a wedding high, discussing the wedding. And I’m wondering if Elliot has always been that greasy, because he’s the only one sweating like a pig. Despite not having a suit Arg and Lydia are color coordinated very nicely. Arg wants a Essex wedding while Lydia would enjoy a hippie wedding with no makeup… as soon as Lydia said it… Arg instantly changed his mind and decided that’s the wedding he wants to. Lydia ITV_t_TOWIEm072414(while talking to Ricky and Jess) tells them that her and Arg aren’t gonna be together like they are now. Ricky thinks that she’s in love with him and she’s messing with his head, and in the end Arg is gonna end up deeply hurt…. for once I agree with Ricky. It’s time for the wedding toss…and naturally Chloe catches the bouquet… cause that wasn’t planned at all. Chloe and Elliot dance to Adele (the music is fantastic!) apparently they get to have a dance to themselves… man that family is really pushing to marry Elliot off. Elliot admits that he’s completely and totally in love with Chloe and Maddie ; it’s a sweet moment. But of course that feeling is gonna go to shit because Arg and Lydia is having a conversation. Arg is calling Lydia to task. apparently she’s a lot different in private than she is in public, she’s really upset that everyone knows every single aspect of their relationship because of Arg’s big fat mouth… things begin to escalate quickly. Arg apologizes but Lydia feels like they need to just be friends with no benefits… and I totally didn’t see that happening (said no one EVER!)

Back in Essex it looks like Ferne is cold calling for a blind date for Gemma, I’m not sure if this is sad or completely hilarious

I finally understand what a back, sack and crack is… Lockie is getting his hairy ass waxed…. no ITV_t_TOWIEn072414wonder he didn’t look to thrilled when he won a date with bobby… let’s be honest Lockie really needed it. Lauren goes to visit Lewis house and decides that his place isn’t as bachelor pad-ish as she thought that it was. Lauren wants to make sure that Lewis isn’t gonna go off and blab every time they have sex…  Doesn’t she know guys gossip just as bad as girls do.

Harry is helping Gemma get ready for her date. She doesn’t want to wear a jeweled caftan… and I don’t understand why… she wears them all the time. I wish that Gemma would realized that she should go into this with very little expectations and just to have a good time…

I swear I can spot Debbie’s hair from a mile away, and if she’s on the screen that can only mean one thing. Lydia is calling her… and I was wrong… cause it’s Arg. Didn’t Lydia ask her mother not to discuss her relationship with Arg… but naturally she doesn’t listen and starts talking… Gemma is at the restaurant  with the instructions to look out for a geezer in a white shirt… so naturally a parade of men with white shirts walk in… one’s too buff, one’s too short , one’s really cute, but he’s not it… finally Mr. Blind Date comes in with a flower in his hand. Gemma ITV_t_TOWIEs072414smiles… so far this is going well. He introduced himself as Gino. Gino met Ferne back in Vegas….uhmm . Gemma and Gino have met before, they kissed at the Sugar Hut. Things were going well, but she thinks he should be older… I’m not understanding this… she’s never cared in the past.

Dumb!Dan makes his required appearance in the episode… and those far he’s talked about three complete sentence. And because they don’t have lives of their own, they talk about Lydia and Arg… and as dumb as Dan is he actually says something intelligent. He also thinks that Arg is gonna end up hurt.

Dannie walks up to the bar, and like a villain in an old classic movie turns to greet Danni slowly… seriously I watch this show for moments like this. Danni is not in the mood to talk and walks away.  Vas mentions he world girlfriend… and the look on Lewis’s face is hilarious, it’s almost like the idea never occurred to him.

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Can you believe that we still have more episodes to watch…. geez

Until Next Time…

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

What The F*ck? TOWIE – Ep. 9

It’s that time again…another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. So for those  two people who actually read my TOWIE posts these are for you..  Season 12 posts can be found here: 1-45-6 , 7 and 8. This post photos are courtesy of Holy Moly

Episode 8 “Tell The World Tour Hits Essex”

The episode opens with Lockie’s bare ass and the hideous tattoo that he got in Las Vegas….. it’s never as good thing when your girlfriend laughs at your naked body.

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Fran, Diags, Ferne and Charlie are enjoying various outdoor activities…

Meanwhile Lydia is making breakfast in bed for Arg.. WHAT?!! Apparently the two of them sent the night … and the next morning making sweet passionate love; they spend the the net day joking and enjoying their post coital bliss. I knew this was gonna happen…. eventually.. but I also don’t think this is a relationship that has a lot of lasting power but then again, but then again I could be wrong…. Is Lydia still living with her mother?… That would making for an awkward morning after.

Great… we get a close up of Lockie’s hairy ass wet and soapy in the shower… ITV why do we need to see that? I am a bit curious about the camera work here… is there a shower cam or doesn’t the camera man actually film him through the glass, either way… YUCK! Once her get’s out the the shower the conversation immediately goes to Vas and him calling Danni sum… all because she doesn’t like his collection. She says, “even though he dresses like a woman, he still a man” and what he did was wrong.

Diags and Fran are sitting in a meadow reliving their favorite Twilight scene.. they spend their time together talking about Lewis and apparently Fran’s favorite word today is f*ck. People on this show will talk a point into the ground… how many times can you talk about the same thing over and over again; but before Diags can talk about the situation for the 200th time he gets a text from Arg telling him that he has something important to tell him. no doubt he’s going to spill the beans about what happened between him and Lydia

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Arg doesn’t do the walk of shame, nope…. he does the happy dance all the way home. This man is so happy that he does his best Michael Jackson moves for the people on the street… He’s so happy in fact that production made sure to play Pharell’s Happy while he was dancing home.

Over on the other side of town Chloe, Gemma, Bobby and Elliot are sitting down enjoying breakfast, while Gemma tells them about her latest party…. Bingo!! Elliot has never played bingo, while everyone else seems super excited about the blobbers than anything else. Elliot doesn’t see the point of playing a game that you can’t cheat in. Gemma asks about the house hunting; because honestly she’s the only one that cares at this point. Chloe admits that last night they officially because boyfriend and girlfriend… which I think is beyond odd because who looks for houses with someone they are not in an official relationship with; and because everyone has babies on the brain Gemma asks, “who’s gonna be the first on in the family to have a baby?” (Did Gemma forget the Chloe and Elliot already have children?) and then she adds fuel to the fire (that’s nearly gone out) “Ferne is ready to have a baby”… great going Gemma… seems Elliot has finally learned his lesson and decided to keep his mouth close; thus keeping family peace…. at least for now.

THREAD IT THROUGH! Ferne repeats this like ten times. Charlie and Ferne are going camping and getting the tent set up seem to be a bit of a problem; but don’t worry he brings the essentials because he’s such a boy scout

  • FIRE – a lighter
  • FOOD – chips from his deli
  • PROTECTION- condoms

ITV_t_TOWIEc072114So the guys are all together playing around with a ball in the yard, when in the background you hear “ain’t no rest for the wicked” which means BOY!gossip. Arg can’t wait to share the news with everyone (Dumb!Dan, Ricky, Tom, Diags, and Lockie) Arg announces, “we made love and it was amazing; and I want to tell the whole world” Dumb!Dan looks utterly confused while Lockie is smiling ear to ear. The guys hug it out because none of them are adult men but 12 year old boys.

So it’s time for another party – which means there more drama… and this time it’s at Gemma and Bobby’s bingo party.  Gemma seems to b taking her job duties as master of ceremonies seriously, because only Essex’s elite has been invited… guess that’s why the place looks half full. Gemma seems to has gotten so desperate for companionship that she announces that the winner will be taking her out on a date…or a “fag, shag and gag with Bobby” Harry seems utterly delighted at the prospect of that. Arg is the first one to call bingo, so he wins a date with Gemma, she looks like she’s about to crawl out of her skin…. clearly the “Tell the World Tour” hasn’t come to a location near her. Lockie calls bingo next and wins a date with Bobby… he’s not so thrilled about that.

Elliot admits to Jessica that he is completely in love with Chloe and I can’t stop looking at his teeth… are they new?

Back at camping Ferne has a surprise for Charlie… it’s a brander for meat…. she heats it up and puts it on the a steak….. and it reads Ferne and Char… and apparently it’s the most hilarious thing either of them have ever seen.

ITV_t_TOWIEn072114Arg continues his “Tell the World Tour” by sharing his news with Elliot and Lewis. I honestly don’t have a good feeling about this. I’m not sure Arg understand the difference between having sex with someone and having a relationship with someone …. they aren’t always exclusive. Gemma is pleased that she’s brought bingo back to Essex…. (*eye roll*)  And here comes Harry he really wants them to become a threesome again. Bobby  doesn’t seem all that convinced.

Useless!Jasmin is on the screen for her 1 minute she is promised on every episode. Useless!Jasmin reminds Grace that now it’s two against two, and the group break-up all has to do with Fran… this seems like a recycled storyline to me. Vas and Danni meet up a the bar to discuss the whole fashion show situation. I got lost in the conversation, voices were raised and Lauren decides to come over to smooth out the situation, then Lockie comes over for support while Dannie shooshes them and says her peace, Danni is going off on everyone and tells Lauren to go away because she is irrelevant to the conversation (which she totally was).

ITV_t_TOWIEp072114Lydia is chatting with her mom, seems Lydia has been hysterical since  she had sexy times with Arg. She doesn’t want him to think that just because they’ve has sex that they are in a relationship with one another. She doesn’t see them together right now, but doesn’t want to rule out anything about the future, she reluctantly admits that she doesn’t know what she wants; but she does want to talk to Arg before they go to Spain for the wedding.

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THE CUTEST BABY IN ESEX MAKES AN APPEARANCE. Gemma and Fran gush over baby Nellie. I gotta say that Billie looks fantastic; she feels like she’s complexly out of the loop so Ferne helps Arg out with his “Tell The World Tour” and lets Billie (and an unknowing Gemma) that Lydia and Arg slept together…twice…and sober. Gemma looks close to tears; and it’s clear that she didn’t know, she starts to sob, but covers it up and saying that she’s crying because of the baby.

Packing for a wedding is hard work according to Ricky, so hard in fact that he hasn’t even started…. I’m still trying to figure out what the whole point of this scene was….pointless.

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After running, Vas and Lauren sit down to gossip… apparently Lauren has been riding Lewis’ pole… frequently  (good for her). Vas is deeply hurt about the situation with Danni. Lauren thinks she said what she did because she doesn’t really know him all that well, Vas explains that it hits deeper than that; being called a weirdo took him back o a place when he was younger and always made fun of because he wasn’t like the other children and was made to feel like an outcast because he was different. Seems like he lashed out and called Danni scum because of what she said those two need to sit down alone and talk things out like mature adults… but this is TOWIE that might never  happen.

Diags and Lewis are having a drink, looks like they are gonna make up…seems like at least Faux!realtionship is on the mend.

Threesomes is the order of business on this picnic as Dumb!Dan, Lockie and Danni sit on a blanket and talk. Dumb!Dan continues the tradition of saying 10 words or less during an episode.

Chloe is excited about the wedding, she already knows she gonna catch the bouquet. Elliot has a surprise for her…. there is something in the drawer… ooh it’s a nice pair of diamond earrings. “something to commemorate her going to the first Wright family event”  (it’s clear that these people have selective memories, because she went to Jessica’s parents vow renewal ceremony… guess that doesn’t count)

Georgia and Fran are out shopping so naturally they run into Grace. Grace talks to Georgia while completely ignoring Fran. Georgia tells Grace she’s a lair, thy keep talking about cheating…and I’m so confused…when did this cheating occur? Fran walks away saying, “f*ck this, f*ck you, f*ck all of this”. Georgia stays and tells Grace that she doesn’t trust her anymore and they are no longer friends.

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I honestly can’t wait for the next episode…..For those of you who are unable to see the current season of TOWIE in your area… season 12 is now on HULU, and they finally got a clue and decided to air this years Marbs special…

Until Next Time…

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved

What The F*ck?–Summer Reality Special

This is my favorite time of the year when it comes to reality tv… it’s Big Brother…Three months of a group of strangers trapped in a house who “stop being polite and start being real”…. wait!! That’s the wrong show…the tag line should be “People picked by producers, who are plied with alcohol and act like idiots” (no judgments).. On top of that TOWIE is back! So you know that I have opinions…

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I really feel like CBS has been doing the most with promoting this season, after the shit storm that was last year’s season. I think overall my opinions of the houseguest from the very first  show have been spot on… of course you’ve got the group of girls who think they are super cute and gonna come in a manipulate the groups with their looks……doubt it. The you got the over juiced, over pumped guys who think they are God’s gift to women and gonna rule to roost… doubt it…. What I think that nobody thought before was how (for the most part) how seriously bad most of these players are. I’m looking at you Joey and Devin.

As I write this the first eviction of the house guests is looming and I gotta say I’m having mixed feelings. I REALLY like Joey, but she’s has proven to not having a good game play strategy and Paola who when I first heard her voice I wanted her out of the house; but she’s shown that she’s somewhat mentally weak and that might make her a target as a ploy for other houseguests. I will say that if Joey leaves it will be interesting what happens to Team America (Which let me say that I’m shocked that Frankie (Go Home or Go Grande) wasn’t the first pick.

But can we talk about the shit storm that happened last night? (I have live feeds… so beware of spoilers)

It’s clear from the beginning that Caleb has stalker tendencies, this guy has been going around the house talking to anyone who will listen about his one-sided relationship with Amber, I mean seriously this dude is already planning on her meeting his parents… on more than one on occasion he’s mentioned him and Amber are gonna have  a long distance relationship … so it’s beyond clear that he’s this year GinaMarie. He causally mentioned that if Amber rebuked him she would be the next one  out of the door… What The F*ck?! It’s clear that the country boy who claims to be metrosexual *blank stare* is a misogynist freakazoid who needs therapy… and right beside him would be Devin… who let’s be honest is probably the worst player in BB history. They man can’t hold water…

I get that these people have been put in extraordinary situations and emotions run high, but come on brah… you on the verge of tears every damn hour…. that is when you’re not concocting you theories on other house guests. And he’s a damn shit starter…. Last night Devin spoke with Amber her “bad mouthing” Caleb.  Devin made Amber angry and really freaked her out. Later  Frankie and a couple of the girls convince Amber to talk to Caleb and tell him that Devin is making up shit she never said… Amber is upset, Caleb is having a boys pow wow, and Devin… wakes up Donny while he’s sleeping (he loves doing that crap) to cry and to ask for forgiveness

Crazy Train Coming Through….

Devin knows he’s a target and no one really likes him (because he’s crazy as F*ck!)…. Brah it’s time to self evict!!! Seriously Brah…..

But back to Donny for a minute, I love him… he’s my favorite!

I will say that nothing makes my heart happier than watching; this time it’s extra special I get to watch The Only Way is Essex Marbs Sepcial as well… Hulu is taking it’s dear sweet time and I needed to see them NOW! I’m completely caught up …. and I swear I can’t get enough of the bad tans and equally bad plastic surgery…

Before we being Marbella is seriously must be getting the biggest boast in tourism due to this show… I mean come on; I want to go know.

So I’m pretty much gonna be live blogging the next few episodes (guess it’s not really live blogging….but whatever!)

Marbs Special :Episodes 1

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“Let It All Hang Out”

What The F*ck? One of the first thing I’m greeted with was Bobby’s dimples as in a monokini… is that what it’s called… and wait Shut Up!! Is that…. it is OMG! It’s Harry  in a matching white one. I don’t know weather to laugh or cry at the the sheer audacity of these guys. I guess anything goes in Marbs.

Motherhood has really made me like Billie more, she seems more grounded and happier, and although her schedule is probably gonna slow down to due to her impeding birth; but she’s really looking fantastic pregnancy really does suit her (plus seeing her makes me miss her sister)

Last time I wrote about the TOWIE crew the I said that Elliot needed to find a storyline… and boy did he…. his new story line is named Chloe (color me shocked)… I never even thought that they were that close… clearly I was very wrong. But they both seem happy (but she seemed really happy when she was with Mario) with Elliot

Why is Jasmine Still on the show? Seriously what value is she added besides annoying the hell out of viewers…..

So clearly I missed something, I thought that the reason Laruen and Chloe were no longer speaking was because of Mario  but Lauren said something about Chloe talking shit about her behind her back…. whaaa??

Best line of the entire episode, “This is really making me feel less chic, and I don’t like it”…. my thoughts exactly Vas… Despite the frosty greeting between the former best friend Vas has come in and given everyone the business fashion wise…. seriously who wears that to the pool…. he walks in with his white jacket and shorts… with his jacket on his shoulders like a cap…

Why is Gemma always in the middle of something. It’s clear that Gemma enjoys the drama, I have always said that, I have also been on the record saying that Gemma and Bobby have a seriously codependent relationship. It’s hard being very close friends who two people in a relationship, especially when they discuss issues with their partner with you, but Gemma should seriously learn how to say , “I don’t want to know about anything that is going on between the two of you… I don’t want to be apart of it” but of course she didn’t so they are in this weird mess

Once again the ongoing cluster-f*ck that is Fern and Charlie have begun again. This time it’s a Vegas video..  Maybe it’s me and my loose American ways (I haven’t seen the video) but from the description of the video it didn’t seem like that big of a deal. So naturally if there is a video the entire TOWIE crew knows and they have something to say.. did I miss them getting back together? Which means lines will be drawn, shit will be talked behind backs, and Fern will ugly cry…. will this continue for the rest of the season?

I honestly think that Lydia would have taken James back, all he had to do was act right, own up to his mistakes and t a take his head out of his ass… that didn’t happen…   but what did happen was he complemented her on her hair and told her that her boobs looked bigger….*blank stare* so once again he’s gonna get put in the friend-zone

Then we end the episode with the most awkward party in Marbella’s history… (more awkward than Harry’s hair and Bobby’s eye brows put together)

This whole time I was wondering where Mario was…. apparently he’s got his on drama…. wow! And Apparently James too…. what the heck is going on? Remember to Just Say No to Drugs!!

Marbs Special : Episode 2

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“Shit Continues To Hit The Fan”

Harry and Gemma argue with each other… at this point it’s hard to figure out who is telling the truth…What I want to know is who suggested the P.I.? Seriously who does that?

Chloe and Fern get into it… I swear I LIVE for this argument… the word slag was thrown left and right and Fern told Chloe to go eat something.,…This is another example of when a person needs to stay out of it…. it was only last episode that Chloe was telling Fern how great she was… and the next they are arguing and nearly coming to blows…. guess that’s how the cookie crumbles in reality land

Who the hell are these new girls? Robyn and Imogen…. we have enough people on this show taking up space… I hope that they prove themselves entertaining,

A little too late Arg….. go away. I can’t believe that I’m saying this, but I might actually like Lydia… but I swear the very first time her make-up annoys me our tenuous love affair will be over.

WAIT A minute!!! Hold up! Useless Jasmin and Bird Brain Dan slept together? Was this before or after he said he didn’t have feelings for her or think of her as more than a friend…Dan did have a point Jas has been with a lot of people… bus crap so has the entire cast, they all date/ mess around with each other… it’s almost incestual …yuck!

And there we have it folks the first drink throw of the season…. I wonder if producers actually suggest the cast do this..

Holy Cow Gemma…love the nails!!!

Harry…. you slept with you ex, you stupid, stupid boy! Don’t mess this up I actually like Harry and Bobby together I really hope they work it out.. OMG I can’t believe that I nearly teared up at the scene…this is breaking my heart.. BBBBBAAAAAAARRRRRRRYYYYYYYY!!!

Is that swimsuit apart of the Gemma Collins collection? It’s adorable I actually love it

Seriously from here to Eternity? What in the actually F*ck is happening here?

Let’s take a minute to talk about this Fern and Charlie situation (again”) I don’t doubt that they love each other, but I am am firm believer that just because you love someone doesn’t meant that you need to be with them. He’s cheated on her, she’s cheated on him… they break up and get back together… it’s a really bad cycle…. honestly I think it’s time for them to break it off once and for all and try to gain a little dignity back in their lives. Although their friends might not see their relationship as a joke… the viewers certainly do

Episode 3

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“Life After Marbs”

Billie!

Oh Dear God Debbie is back, is there something in the contract that says that if Lydia comes back to do her wild haired mum? So naturally she’s got the TOWIE mums and of course my favorite Nanny Pat) over for afternoon tea and bit of gossip about their stupid children… when can they get their own special… OMG! This is the first time we’ve seen Harry’s mom…. wow they look alike.
Joan; those have got to be the tackiest ear rings I have ever seen, and that’s a lot because I’m seen all the seasons of TOWIE…. did anyone see the final look that Karen gave Joan… looks like there might be more to be said about their children

Despite my personal feelings about Arg, one thing that I do still love about him is the fact that like me and millions of others he struggles with his weight and like Gemma he’s not afraid to put his struggles out there

How many times do they say literally? …I swear they misuse that darn word

Is this the first time that we are seeing Chloe’s Beauty Bar? I’m digging the décor…. but what is it with people bringing drama to people’s place of business/work….. wait until they are at home or on the street. I just think that it’s bad form.

Wait Charlie has  a business? Charlie’s Delicatessen. I 100% support this.. Seriously. OMG! Corn Beef Sandwiches and Matzo Ball soup…. yummy! Wait their businesses are right across this street … how cute!!

Harry needs to stop being stupid and get back with Bobby…. but damn it Gemma is still at it…. apparently she’s calling Harry’s ex to find out what really happened… *sigh* Seriously girl you need to let this go and let the guys deal with this…

It’s Georgia Birthday…. I might actually have to take back what I said… this might actually be the most awkward party of the season… I think the question is Did Georgia sleep with Dan… personally I think she did (hell I would) plus have we really forgotten that little  thing that her a Jasmin were doing trying to win the affections of Dan…. seriously girls… come on! What exactly is the theme of this party? Cause everywhere I look I see pink , spandex and tacky….

Gemma there is a such thing as Karma… I won’t feel bad when it comes back around… learn to stay out of people’s business..

Oh My God…. I just figured it out…. was the party a Barbie theme? I figured it out after looking at Harry

Dinner of the dueling headbands…..For someone who said thy were gonna stay out of it I’m shocked that he has opened Elliot opened his mouth…Geez! SHUT UP ELLIOT!

Episode 4

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“Bitch Stole My Look”

Life continues to go one in Essex, seems like everyone is recovering from the shit storm that was Georgia’s party.. We are seeing a lot of Fran, but where the heck is Diags? Elliot is doing the cleaning at Chloe’s and he’s in his underwear … where is Chloe’s daughter? Does Elliot make it a point to do the washing up like that when she’s around?

The TOWIE mums seem to have formed an exercise club, where they one again stalk about their stupid children… I see that Joan’s not there… this is an ample time to talk shit about Joan and Gemma… but that didn’t happen… boo!!! But wait Karen and Harry meet up and this shit talking has begun… I knew that it was gonna start… that looks Karen gave Joan said LOTS (in my opinion)

Gemma and Bobby have moved in together again… will they be sharing a bed again… seriously co-dpenedent. And I gotta be honest I totally 100% agree with what Danni’s saying Gemma wants Bobby all to her self; there’s that who co-dependency thing again.

I sitting here thinking as the ITV player is playing a commercial why no one thought to hook Gemma up with someone, surely that would have been a fool proof way to keep her nose out of other  business while getting a little something-something… too late now, the damage has already been done.

Yoga with Vas, Lewis and Lauren…. is something gonna happen between Lewis and Lauren. I think it might be time for her to move on from whatever she still holding on to with Mario…. it’s seriously time to move on!

OMG I love Chloe’s braid…. I don’t have enough hair for a fish tail… but I think it’s really chic

BILLIE!!!

On a guys night it’s reveled that Dan has a new superstar girlfriend and apparently she has no complaints in the bedroom….what a bunch of knuckleheads

Danni and Harry are out about strolling shooting the shit and she mentions the DVD party and Bobby and Gemma’s and she suggest that Harry stop buy to, “go claim your man”… that is the worst idea ever… I can already see Bobby getting upset and Gemma yelling…..

What the hell is this thing with Tom and Grace.. I’m sorry but I just don’t get it

Fish and Chips…. Lewis and Lauren… now that’s a paring that I can totally get behind

Harry’s taking his mom with his for support… seriously I think that’s a good idea. I feel so bad for Bobby he seems just miserable…Oh My God I’m gonna cry again…. every time Harry starts talking and I’m crying… I love how everyone is eavesdropping… but that entire scene was heart breaking…. wow

Well I need to prepare for live eviction tonight on Big Brother… honestly I still don’t know who’s going on

Until Next Time,

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Copyright © 2014 – Random Acts of Snark – Paying it Forward –  All Rights Reserved