Complicated

Writing

 

 

Writing Prompt: Write a new post in response to today’s one-word prompt – Complicated

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My relationships are complicated with a lot of people. We don’t talk for a long time and we become the dreaded “Facebook friends” who only say “Happy Birthday” once a year. And at first I was said and hurt, I started to wonder was it something that I had done? Did I say something wrong, did I unintentionally hurt them? And as time went on, those questions went un answered  and time moved on and we drifted  apart. Ill be honest with you maintaining friendships have always been difficult. We change, we have different experiences, we mature and as these things happen to my friends I feel like none of those things are happening to me, I stay the same, and they grow. They aren’t the same people they once were, they are successful in their jobs, getting married, having children, buying homes, and I’m still where I was 4 years ago… What on earth would we talk about? What can I lend to this friendship that (in my eyes) is no longer equal.

What complicates it is honestly jealously, I’ve always had a timeline for my life, when I would get married, when I would have kids, when I would do this and that. What I didn’t plan on was becoming a living breathing medical encyclopedia, or being disabled, or not being about to work…no plans for that… and as one illness became two, then became 10. The plan that I had for my life withered away. And I became the sick friend that really had nothing to contribute to the conversation but the latest procedure I had, or talk about the side effects of a new medicine I was taking, I became the friend that had to cancel plans at the last minute because I wasn’t feeling well. And my relationships became more complicated, instead of a friend I began to feel like a burden, so I stop calling, I stop texting, I purposely became a Facebook friend learning about their lives through a computer screen, and after a while they stop reaching out… they stop wanting to know about my life… honestly I guess the same is true, if they were curious they could learn about me from Facebook.

I have tried to reach out to some people and repair the relationship, but I think for the most part most of those have gone from “Complicated” to “Non Existent” I didn’t plan on an instant friendship, and naturally thinking the worst I was positive that the situation was going to stay the same. I guess this is a lesson for me to learn, it was never about them, it was always about me and my feelings of inadequacy. Hopefully this is something I can work on, and hopefully I can have solid friendship that won’t fall under the category of “It’s Complicated”

 

Until Next Time,

tyra2_thumb2

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2 thoughts on “Complicated

  1. My father died from MM. He’d had it (undiagnosed) for a great many years…he was 72 when he died, they (doctors, people who know about MM) figured he’d been exposed to radiation as a young man (maybe 15 or 16) and had developed MM a few years later. So probably fifty years with the disease. Being Caucasian and after reading your information about MM, AND because of the radiation exposure, I’m guessing I’m not at risk, nor my siblings nor their children. What does all this have to do with your post? Well I wanted to let you know that even if real life ‘friends’ have faded away, you’re not without people interested in your life story. You are helping others to understand a devastating diagnosis, and you’re young. So your continued journey and blogging of it will help others coming behind you who might have MM, or those of us ahead of you who have lost someone to it, or who just never really understood about it and what it does and how their loved one may have died from the complications. Thanks hun!

    Like

    • So sorry for the late reply I still trying to get back into the groove of things, First off I’m sorry to hear about your father. As much as I know about Multiple Myeloma it’s still very much a mystery to me, my doctors told me flat out told me they were shocked by the diagnosis, they would have expected me to have Lymphoma.

      But thank you for your kind words, it weird, I write as therapy, it’s something that I honestly enjoy doing I never think people are gonna read what I write and for my words to touch someone, it’s amazing.

      Be well

      Like

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