What The F*ck? TOWIE – Ep. 9

It’s that time again…another round of foolishness and f*ckery from my favorite overly tan, overly inflated Brits. So for those  two people who actually read my TOWIE posts these are for you..  Season 12 posts can be found here: 1-45-6 , 7 and 8. This post photos are courtesy of Holy Moly

Episode 8 “Tell The World Tour Hits Essex”

The episode opens with Lockie’s bare ass and the hideous tattoo that he got in Las Vegas….. it’s never as good thing when your girlfriend laughs at your naked body.

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Fran, Diags, Ferne and Charlie are enjoying various outdoor activities…

Meanwhile Lydia is making breakfast in bed for Arg.. WHAT?!! Apparently the two of them sent the night … and the next morning making sweet passionate love; they spend the the net day joking and enjoying their post coital bliss. I knew this was gonna happen…. eventually.. but I also don’t think this is a relationship that has a lot of lasting power but then again, but then again I could be wrong…. Is Lydia still living with her mother?… That would making for an awkward morning after.

Great… we get a close up of Lockie’s hairy ass wet and soapy in the shower… ITV why do we need to see that? I am a bit curious about the camera work here… is there a shower cam or doesn’t the camera man actually film him through the glass, either way… YUCK! Once her get’s out the the shower the conversation immediately goes to Vas and him calling Danni sum… all because she doesn’t like his collection. She says, “even though he dresses like a woman, he still a man” and what he did was wrong.

Diags and Fran are sitting in a meadow reliving their favorite Twilight scene.. they spend their time together talking about Lewis and apparently Fran’s favorite word today is f*ck. People on this show will talk a point into the ground… how many times can you talk about the same thing over and over again; but before Diags can talk about the situation for the 200th time he gets a text from Arg telling him that he has something important to tell him. no doubt he’s going to spill the beans about what happened between him and Lydia

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Arg doesn’t do the walk of shame, nope…. he does the happy dance all the way home. This man is so happy that he does his best Michael Jackson moves for the people on the street… He’s so happy in fact that production made sure to play Pharell’s Happy while he was dancing home.

Over on the other side of town Chloe, Gemma, Bobby and Elliot are sitting down enjoying breakfast, while Gemma tells them about her latest party…. Bingo!! Elliot has never played bingo, while everyone else seems super excited about the blobbers than anything else. Elliot doesn’t see the point of playing a game that you can’t cheat in. Gemma asks about the house hunting; because honestly she’s the only one that cares at this point. Chloe admits that last night they officially because boyfriend and girlfriend… which I think is beyond odd because who looks for houses with someone they are not in an official relationship with; and because everyone has babies on the brain Gemma asks, “who’s gonna be the first on in the family to have a baby?” (Did Gemma forget the Chloe and Elliot already have children?) and then she adds fuel to the fire (that’s nearly gone out) “Ferne is ready to have a baby”… great going Gemma… seems Elliot has finally learned his lesson and decided to keep his mouth close; thus keeping family peace…. at least for now.

THREAD IT THROUGH! Ferne repeats this like ten times. Charlie and Ferne are going camping and getting the tent set up seem to be a bit of a problem; but don’t worry he brings the essentials because he’s such a boy scout

  • FIRE – a lighter
  • FOOD – chips from his deli
  • PROTECTION- condoms

ITV_t_TOWIEc072114So the guys are all together playing around with a ball in the yard, when in the background you hear “ain’t no rest for the wicked” which means BOY!gossip. Arg can’t wait to share the news with everyone (Dumb!Dan, Ricky, Tom, Diags, and Lockie) Arg announces, “we made love and it was amazing; and I want to tell the whole world” Dumb!Dan looks utterly confused while Lockie is smiling ear to ear. The guys hug it out because none of them are adult men but 12 year old boys.

So it’s time for another party – which means there more drama… and this time it’s at Gemma and Bobby’s bingo party.  Gemma seems to b taking her job duties as master of ceremonies seriously, because only Essex’s elite has been invited… guess that’s why the place looks half full. Gemma seems to has gotten so desperate for companionship that she announces that the winner will be taking her out on a date…or a “fag, shag and gag with Bobby” Harry seems utterly delighted at the prospect of that. Arg is the first one to call bingo, so he wins a date with Gemma, she looks like she’s about to crawl out of her skin…. clearly the “Tell the World Tour” hasn’t come to a location near her. Lockie calls bingo next and wins a date with Bobby… he’s not so thrilled about that.

Elliot admits to Jessica that he is completely in love with Chloe and I can’t stop looking at his teeth… are they new?

Back at camping Ferne has a surprise for Charlie… it’s a brander for meat…. she heats it up and puts it on the a steak….. and it reads Ferne and Char… and apparently it’s the most hilarious thing either of them have ever seen.

ITV_t_TOWIEn072114Arg continues his “Tell the World Tour” by sharing his news with Elliot and Lewis. I honestly don’t have a good feeling about this. I’m not sure Arg understand the difference between having sex with someone and having a relationship with someone …. they aren’t always exclusive. Gemma is pleased that she’s brought bingo back to Essex…. (*eye roll*)  And here comes Harry he really wants them to become a threesome again. Bobby  doesn’t seem all that convinced.

Useless!Jasmin is on the screen for her 1 minute she is promised on every episode. Useless!Jasmin reminds Grace that now it’s two against two, and the group break-up all has to do with Fran… this seems like a recycled storyline to me. Vas and Danni meet up a the bar to discuss the whole fashion show situation. I got lost in the conversation, voices were raised and Lauren decides to come over to smooth out the situation, then Lockie comes over for support while Dannie shooshes them and says her peace, Danni is going off on everyone and tells Lauren to go away because she is irrelevant to the conversation (which she totally was).

ITV_t_TOWIEp072114Lydia is chatting with her mom, seems Lydia has been hysterical since  she had sexy times with Arg. She doesn’t want him to think that just because they’ve has sex that they are in a relationship with one another. She doesn’t see them together right now, but doesn’t want to rule out anything about the future, she reluctantly admits that she doesn’t know what she wants; but she does want to talk to Arg before they go to Spain for the wedding.

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THE CUTEST BABY IN ESEX MAKES AN APPEARANCE. Gemma and Fran gush over baby Nellie. I gotta say that Billie looks fantastic; she feels like she’s complexly out of the loop so Ferne helps Arg out with his “Tell The World Tour” and lets Billie (and an unknowing Gemma) that Lydia and Arg slept together…twice…and sober. Gemma looks close to tears; and it’s clear that she didn’t know, she starts to sob, but covers it up and saying that she’s crying because of the baby.

Packing for a wedding is hard work according to Ricky, so hard in fact that he hasn’t even started…. I’m still trying to figure out what the whole point of this scene was….pointless.

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After running, Vas and Lauren sit down to gossip… apparently Lauren has been riding Lewis’ pole… frequently  (good for her). Vas is deeply hurt about the situation with Danni. Lauren thinks she said what she did because she doesn’t really know him all that well, Vas explains that it hits deeper than that; being called a weirdo took him back o a place when he was younger and always made fun of because he wasn’t like the other children and was made to feel like an outcast because he was different. Seems like he lashed out and called Danni scum because of what she said those two need to sit down alone and talk things out like mature adults… but this is TOWIE that might never  happen.

Diags and Lewis are having a drink, looks like they are gonna make up…seems like at least Faux!realtionship is on the mend.

Threesomes is the order of business on this picnic as Dumb!Dan, Lockie and Danni sit on a blanket and talk. Dumb!Dan continues the tradition of saying 10 words or less during an episode.

Chloe is excited about the wedding, she already knows she gonna catch the bouquet. Elliot has a surprise for her…. there is something in the drawer… ooh it’s a nice pair of diamond earrings. “something to commemorate her going to the first Wright family event”  (it’s clear that these people have selective memories, because she went to Jessica’s parents vow renewal ceremony… guess that doesn’t count)

Georgia and Fran are out shopping so naturally they run into Grace. Grace talks to Georgia while completely ignoring Fran. Georgia tells Grace she’s a lair, thy keep talking about cheating…and I’m so confused…when did this cheating occur? Fran walks away saying, “f*ck this, f*ck you, f*ck all of this”. Georgia stays and tells Grace that she doesn’t trust her anymore and they are no longer friends.

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I honestly can’t wait for the next episode…..For those of you who are unable to see the current season of TOWIE in your area… season 12 is now on HULU, and they finally got a clue and decided to air this years Marbs special…

Until Next Time…

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Friend Makin’ Monday: Flashback

Mountains and Molehills…. I gotta say things have been on a even keel lately (knock on wood) and for that I am truly grateful. My Molehill is summer in Chicago, there is always something to do. They have this wonderful program called Summer Dance where an instructor will teach you a dance for an hour, then they next hour a band plays and out get to practice what you learned, it’s a great way to get out and learn something new and get so exercise. Now on to FMM……

If you’ve taken part in FMM before then you are familiar with the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to read and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

But this week Sarah is taking a little break, so I am digging up another flashback.

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Another Flashback (originally titled  5 things weight loss has taught me about myself -June 28, 2012)

1. My body is strong!
In all fairness, after having two transplants I knew how strong my body is, but this weight loss journey reminded be how amazing the human body is, just when you feel like you’ve pushed yourself to the limit… you body let’s you know (after the pain has subsided) that it can go further and do more

2. Love the you body (the way it is right now!)

(2) Haute Fox Dress size 1x

(1) Target Dress size 2

Looking at ahead can sometimes be harmful when it comes to losing weight, often times I get caught up in the “my goodness I so fat, I must have been ginormous before” syndrome. Even though I’m not at the weight I want to be, my confidence has grown so much, and I’m able to appreciate my curves (and show them proudly!) I can look at the mirror and say, “wow, Ty you look hot today” or “Man, you have awesome skin!” 50 pounds ago that was not happening, the goal was to pass the mirror and fit something… ANYTHING that fit

3. Clothes make a difference
I love bright colors, so I’ve purposely put away the black, brown, navy
s and grey’s and brightened my wardrobe. I’m finding that bright color complement my skin tone and I’m even doing more form-fitting  fabrics like spandex… its time for me to step out of the box… so now I’m going with the “I’ll try anything once” attitude. As you can tell I’m a bargain huntress… simple reason I don’t want to spend a lot of money of clothing I won’t be able to fit next summer…

4. Support is the key!
There is no way that I wouldn’t have been able to do this and keep accountable if it hadn’t been for the support my wonderful Blue Team! (And by extension SJT199). Even my sorority sisters have committed to being healthy. It’s amazing what happens when you surround yourself with like-minded individuals who want nothing but to see you succeed and reach your goals. I am blessed to have found such a wonderful group of people who frequently have to talk me off the ledge when I have a sudden and fierce cake craving

5. I love myself! And that makes this totally worth it
As mentioned in a previous post my journey to self  love has been a long and arduous one. But (I’ve said it so many times before) this has been more mental than anything else… when I started to clear the junk from my body, I HAD to clear the junk from my head…there is no other way to look at it..
Until next time!

(1) Target dress http://www.target.com/p/pure-energy-juniors-plus-size-short-sleeve-kimono-dress-assorted-colors/-/A-13816212

(2) Haute Fox Dress  http://www.thehautefox.com/collections/dresses/products/diagonal-stripe-bandage-dress

Guess that’s it for this week……As my friends in  Armenia would say,

Մինչեւ հաջորդ անգամ

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