What The F*ck! – The TOWIE Edition


So those of us in the United States are just now getting TOWIE Season 11 … Thank you HULU! But unlike previous seasons when Hulu would allow you to binge watch the show, they are releasing two episodes every Saturday, and I guess that’s okay it’s giving me something to look forward to. So before I start I should say that we are like a month behind the UK airings, and I just started watching episode 4. So for many of you this might be old news (and I could very well incorrect with my feelings)


First off let me as you, why in the hell is this cast so huge, remember back in Season 1 when there were like 5 main cast members, now have like 20?download (1) Remember when all the guys were club promoters and the girls were into fashion and modeling and the makeup was really, really, really bad (remember all that rouge Lydia had on during the 60’s part…eek).. so while I’m looking for the picture of her seriously bad makeup I find out that Sam is leaving and Lydia is returning… What the F*ck?! Lydia was just so damn boring…. I guess I have deal with her crying about how unhappy she is  while her mother/friend sits there and coddle her….I went off on a tangent.. Remember when every episode there was some party at the Sugar Hut (which I see has finally makes a return… is it took much to as that we see a bit of Mick or Kirk?)

I hate the new version of the theme some… What The F*ck?! I can’t even sing along in a super high pitched voice anymore, I know that they are trying to take the show in a different direction, but they could have at least kept the song….. so let’s get to the idiots… well I mean cast members.

Fern and Charlie: I binged watched Season 10 on Hulu in 2 or 3 days… so I was lucky that I only had to deal with the epic bull crap that is Fern and Charlie’s relationship, first off I had a hard tome getting used to Fern and Charlie when they first came on the show, an I instantly disliked them, when all their friends relationships were falling apart (Which is the norm apparently ) they seem to throw their relation in EVERYONE’s faces and remind us all how in love and normal they were…. well then we had to deal with their breakup and the fact that Charlie cheated on Fern with 20 women throughout their relationship. They breakup he begs, she cries to everyone on planet Earth, yet they continue to sleep together all the while she’s whining, “I’ll never images2314be able to trust you” and finally Charlie take a page out of the Jerry McGuire manuscript and she decided gives it another go and they all live happily ever after…… until Season 11 when we find out they they are STILL having problems because Fern can’t trust him because he slept with 20 women and so instead of breaking up with him she decided to sleep with some other dude that apparently everyone knows named Frank (who quite honestly  his lips are distracting …kind like Lydia Bright’s). And this is where I’m asking What the F*ck?! She did the exact same thing that Charlie did and was able to justify it. The way that she lied about the whole situation, slept with Charlie THEN tells the truth says a lot about her character. But don’t think Charlie is getting off so easily he was clearly wrong, and the fact that he cheated and slept with that many women during the course of his relationship with Fern simply means that he’s no ready or mature enough to be in a committed relationship… They both need to be single and work on themselves! OMG I can’t even believe that you hooked up with Jasmine, why does everyone go to Jasmine when they breakup with someone….


Chloe: I like the new teeth, I’m not sure why you decided to get your teeth in beaver size in the first place, did you get new boobs too? I know that you were trying to look more natural? But uhmm… you’re far from natural….and naturally I got spoilers, which isn’t that odd….but Chloe and Mario What The F*ck?! But this seems like a clusterfuck in the making, why would you date your little brother’s best friend who also happened to date your best friend? And pretty much half of the population of Essex? I guess it’s really true everyone eventually hooks up with everyone is Essex?

Dan: What the F*ck?! Where is he? I get that he’s raising little Teddy, but I miss him, his incredible body (not including that hideous Michael Jackson tattoo) and you genuinely seem like one of the few people on this show that has some common sense…. we need to see more of you!towiepremario

Mario: What the F*ck?! All last season, you kept saying how much you regretted the way that things ended with you and Lucy, but then go and date the gymnast … what was that girls name…PASCAL.. (I had to really think about that one) Then this season at your birthday party you’re all about Grace (who I really like so far by the way…I love her dimples) and even though I think she’s more suited to Lewis, turns out she’s no longer a fan of your anymore either. Didn’t I read somewhere that you dated Lucy’s little sister’s friend? What The F*ck?! Who does that?? Clearly you lead by your dick. What happened to you swearing off women? Does anyone know how long that lasted? Now you’re dating Chloe?  And before you even proclaim how great things are I already know it’s doomed to fail double What The F*ck?!

Lucy: You have been playing this game since season 1… you have really starting to annoy the hell out of me. You don’t want the man, but you don’t want anyone else to have them either What the Fuck?! Apparently you and Lauren have A LOT to talk about…. wouldn’t that be an awesomely annoying spin-off

Lewis: What the F*ck is your point? …hopefully you’ll get a story line, I think we have enough “bros” on this show

Elliot: Last season I didn’t like Elliot at all I felt like he was second rate mark, between him and Lewis it was like he was making every single and available woman on the show but so far you really seem to be working on developing and maintaining your friendships with people, and that’s a lot more than most of the cast has been doing. I really, really love the friendship that you have with Gemma, I love how you are encouraging gemma-collins-elliott-wrighther and helping her get into shape.

Gemma: First of all I love bacon too, and when Elliot threw yours away I cried for you… eggs and bacon.. there is nothing better. Gemma used to be my favorite cast member on the show, but she’s extremely temperamental and seems to have some confidence issues. Since her introduction to the show she constantly in and out of relationships (but that’s not unusual for anyone on the show) but she is quick to get into an argument when someone she perceives as a friend is disloyal to her by being friends to someone else… this is real like and not high school… people are allowed to have lives outside of Gemma Collins, but despite all of her misgivings I love her… I love that she’s fabulous, and is unapologetic about showing her boy no matter what size it is.

Bobby: This is Bobby’s roll … he walks into a room spills some gossip, rolls his eyes then saunters out.

Arg: Yet another person who I was rooting for when I first watched this show, but now he’s like a teenage girl, him and Bobby should be in cahoots…. they both love to get and spill the gossip… Arg hasn’t perfected the eye roll yet, but he sits in the corner with that stupid grin and that hideous laugh when the everything is going down


Sam: I really get why you’re leaving, she’s dealing with a lot with her diagnosis of Crohn’s  disease and she’s been on the show from the very beginning…it’s time to move on


Billie: Since Billie is gonna be a mom and a wife soon I think she will be leaving the show soon as well….


Diags, Fran,  and Tom: A love triangle this early in the season… YIPEE!! I’m of two minds on this. I get what Tom was trying to do, but I also understand what Diags is coming from. I think Fran should just be like, “Diags lets to this!” … I hope they end up together, he seems like a really nice guy.


Ricky and Jessica: Are they still on the show? Happy nice couples always seem to take the backburner.

Locke and Danni: I feel like this is gonna turning into Fern and Charlie part 2… I already can’t stand it

Like I said before I’m only starting episode 4, but if I have these many feelings with the show this far, just imagine what my feeling would be at the end of this season…. I can’t wait!

Until Next Time,

tyra signature

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